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FredDK

63 M San Francisco, CA

My Details

Last Online
Today – 11:16am
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 6″ (1.68m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Strictly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Never
Religion
Atheism
Sign
Aries, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Management
Income
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Has kids
Pets
Speaks
English (Fluently), Danish (Okay)

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My self-summary
This is a long profile. I know that. It is deliberate. Get a cup of coffee, kick your shoes off, put on your reading glasses, and let's take a literary ride. My purpose here is two-fold: First, I want to remove your fear of the unknown. There are a lot of whackos on dating sites, and they give us good guys a bad name. I am a really nice guy, honest, a widower (so I AM single), and a great catch despite the ugly Irish-American mug. What you see here is actually me, good and bad. I want to you to have a solid impression and the confidence to seriously engage in a conversation with me without the worries of not enough information. Second, I have my requirements as well, and I prefer substance. If you won't bother to read, then we probably would not click in person.

Now, for the impatient ones, before we go any further there are four immediate potential show-stoppers here so let me save you some time.

(1) I am a 63 year old widower with a 14-year-old son. I am and will be an active Dad for a while yet. I fully understand your "I am done with children" preference, so no worries and thanks for stopping by. Go have fun!

(2) I am 5 feet 6 inches tall.
I was married to a taller woman for 20 years and the height difference does not bother me one bit. You can be taller and wear high heels to be even taller and it simply does not matter to me. However, most women won't even consider a shorter man, so if you are one of those now is the time for you to click "Next."

(3) If you are to the right of center politically we are simply not going to get along. Waste of time. I think health care should be a human right, not a job perk, and I have actually taken the time to understand what the Affordable Care Act is and does. I lived in Europe for ten years WITH real socialized medicine. Despite what the Tea Party morons will try to tell you, "Obamacare" is NOT socialized medicine, and if you think it is, I will seriously question your reading comprehension skills.

(4) Are you familiar with Bill Maher's term "religulous?" If you are not, go Google it, and come back if you tend in Bill's direction. You may be spiritual, but organized religion is a show-stopper, especially if you are going to try to force me into one.

Oops - sorry, I cannot count. One more:

5) I have developed an allergy to cats. Within 15 minutes of walking into your house I will have difficulty breathing and be reaching for my nasal inhaler. Sorry.

Still here? :-) Good. With that out of the way, if you have a sense of adventure, a sense of humor, and want to work towards building something, read on... I dare you. I dance to a different drummer. I have had one hell of an interesting life on many levels with incredible highs and miserable lows, and I am still standing and laughing at life. In retrospect, what an adventure!

I am unconventional, adventurous, free-spirited, romantic, open-minded, and an intelligent gentleman with a slight bit of bad boy for fun. After spending a fascinating ten years living and working in Europe, I am home again in San Francisco and want to go re-explore everything I missed while I was gone. I am no longer a typical American, for I have a philosophical foot on each continent and will probably never be able to decide where I belong, physically or philosophically. Fred is not my real name, there is a silly private joke involved here. Later.

Despite my ugly Irish-American face, eventually you will figure out that I am fantastic and devoted boyfriend/husband material. You get a man who is responsible and hard-working, extremely loyal to friends and family, loving, passionate intellectually and physically, ethical, who gives selflessly and has been yelled at by friends for being "too giving" sometimes with not enough regard for myself, and who goes through life with honesty and integrity.

Men are not the only ones who simply do not understand commitment. See if you pass the test (be honest): "I may not like you right now but I will always love you." If you do not "get that" and are not willing to put the kind of work that implies into a relationship, then we are not compatible.

I am completely in Bill Maher's camp regarding organized religion, for the same reasons as George Carlin. I am sorry, but you being religious is a show-stopper for me. Open-minded spirituality and wonder is fine, but please know that I believe in scientific explanations. I consider anything that science cannot explain as nothing more than a current and temporary limitation of our meager scientific abilities, not proof of a supreme being. As Authur C. Clarke once said, "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."

I was in an amazing marriage for twenty years to a lovely Danish lady, my best friend and soulmate. We lived in Denmark for ten years. She passed away in 2009 at age 41. She was a victim of over-exercise that resulted in a brain aneurysm, coupled with an overrated Danish medical system that failed to properly diagnose and treat her until it was too late. So we lost her, leaving me with a big hole in my life, and as an older single father of a young son. He and I spent a few more years in Denmark coping, healing, and trying to figure out what to do next.

Now we are on the next chapter of life. My son wanted to grow up as an American, not as a Dane. So we came home to California.
What I’m doing with my life
Starting a new business. I spent my career in international business ranging from engineering to business development, opening new markets, and traveling. And traveling. And more traveling. Somewhere around 20 different countries, or so. Extra inserts in my passport. I was beyond road warrior. To be honest, if I never see another airplane interior for the rest of my life I will not feel as if I am missing anything. This is especially true given the fact that one is more comfortable on a Greyhound bus or an Amtrak train than today's airborne cattle cars filled with stinking ill-mannered riff-raff. So now it is time to become a quiet shop-keeper in San Francisco and build something to leave to my children. I have come up with a new business concept and I am opening a new store in spring 2014.

Focusing upon my young son. I never expected to be a 60-something single father with a young-teen son but here I am, and I am determined to make this go very well. I am determined that as a result of his dual citizenship, he retains his connections, language skills, and cultural identities in both the USA and Europe.

Restoring a San Francisco house that has been mistreated by renters. It is time to put it back to its 1920's glory, complete with its original molded plaster ceiling rims, curved ceilings, and arched doorways with hidden sliding doors. Big project.

Women with children my son's age are much younger than I, most of them are not attracted to an older man, and women my age don't want the responsibility of new children. So I am in dating no-man's land. While I would eventually like to find a new relationship, I have to be a bit pragmatic about this under the circumstances. Since my wife passed away I have had two medium- to long-term relationships that eventually fizzled, and one of the things I realized is that my son gets attached to someone new as well. No more introductions to new women for him until I am sure about things. Therefore, this is going to go slowly.

What I will say is that I know what a long-term commitment is, including the love, respect, and work required from both sides, and I would like that again. I do not carry any emotional baggage from a past love, other than the normal feelings for a loved one who has passed away. All I ask is that you do not project some other man's foibles and failures upon me - I am not here because I failed at a past relationship and I am not "typical", so please do not make any assumptions. I may not look like it physically, but I am one hell of a catch if I may say so myself.

On that subject, I am blown away by the fact that I have had to explain this, but in the interest of avoiding the awkwardness, here goes. I am a widower. That means that we did not willingly separate. We were still in love when she passed away. I will always love her. Just like someone will always love a child who passed away, I will always love my late wife. My children will always remember their late mother / step mother with love. You will not be "competing with a dead woman," ( I was stunned when I heard that ridiculous selfish comment) but you must realize that I am the remaining parent of our child, and she will always be "with us" in a manner of speaking. You will be loved, cherished and adored, but in some situations you will be "our very much loved in addition to", not "instead of." Ask any widow or widower who has children. When my son graduates from High School, I am going to shed a few tears because his mother did not live long enough to see it. If you do not understand these kinds of things, then you need to experience a bit more of real life, become a bit less focused upon yourself, and please don't waste my time.

OK, enough said on that subject.

Back in my university days, I was a poor student who sold two guitars and a saxophone in the same month in order to buy food and pay my rent. Now it is 30-some years later and I started a guitar collection that includes both acoustic and electric. My children (I have two older boys as well) bought me an electronic box that allows me to simulate 100's of different amplifiers and special effects. it is too much for my little brain, but I am having fun. I was a very, very, bad boy and bought a visually-stunning pro-quality limited edition 12-string acoustic guitar. A couple of days later I found out that only 14 of these exist in the entire world. The music is coming back more easily than I thought. It gives me peace in life and is my version of a private spiritual sanctuary.

Guitars notwithstanding, I dance to a different drummer, I always have, and I do not apologize for it. Life is what you make of it - no excuses, just grab it by the drumsticks and force it in your desired direction. Having faced several life-changing catastrophies not of my own making that would have driven others to drink or worse, and having beaten them all, I am still standing, smiling, giving, and taking life on my terms. Bad things do happen to good people, but they can be beaten back and become nothing but character-building exercises.

I am not the easiest guy to categorize, but if you are an intelligent woman with a vocabulary, a spine, an opinion or two, a desire to truly connect and communicate with your partner on multiple levels, a life of your own and a higher than average sex drive you will not be disappointed. I expect an equal partner who brings spice to the relationship. If you have a bit of a temper, even better. I will completely adore you and be your best friend while keeping you happy and on your toes.

There is a guy thing you need to understand here. When you lose your temper, and then see me smile, I am not making fun of you and I am not laughing at you. It is my little pea brain nervously realizing that if you can get that angry, you must really love me. I am so dumb that I will completely miss your surface message while I find comfort in the fact that you love me enough to yell at me. The fact that I am being an insensitive and thoughtless jerk gets completely lost in the shuffle and it will take a while for me to "get it." It's a guy thing, OK? We are simple-minded idiots. Any attention is good attention, right? I know, not an excuse.

On the other hand, if I am brilliant enough to realize that I am a simple minded idiot... Noooo, let's not go there. The logic is too complicated for me to follow. ;-)
I’m really good at
Lots of things. Work stuff, guy stuff, family stuff, friend stuff, romance, flirting... Sexual foreplay in the 21st Century starts with naughty little text messages early in the day designed to make love to your mind and keep you subtly and subconsciously mentally aroused. If I know that you are in an important meeting with the phone on silent, you are a far too tempting a target for this bad boy. I will not be able to resist... ;-)

I come pretty close to being a Renaissance man. I can cook dinner, fix the car, cry over a silly movie, I love to go shopping and play fashion critic. I have good taste and will tastefully dress my honey. I will even stand there in the white goods section of the store and argue with you over thread counts, but every so often I will get a far-away look in my eyes, put on my bug-splattered leathers and take a selfish blast on my motorcycle.
The first things people usually notice about me
Intelligent eyes, a quick smile, out-going with a positive outlook, confident self-deprecation, and a good sense of humor.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Latest interest in fiction is Elizabeth George. Been a sci-fi reader for years, but got a bit tired of it. Musically I like anyone talented, David Lanz, Enya, Coldplay, David Gilmour (from Pink Floyd) Nickelback, Mark Knopfler, Joe Cocker, Clapton, Sarah Brightman (I am head-over-heels in love with her but don't tell anyone), Maggie Reilly, Lorenza Ponce... on and on and on. How's that for a broad range?

Once I had the bright idea to take a cooking class as a way to meet women. The class turned out to be 25 very straight-laced and boring married women and me, so I ended up learning how to cook in spite of my devious intentions. I have two playpens: the garage and the kitchen, but I don't share the tools between the two.
The six things I could never do without
Heartbreaker redheads, sexy brunettes, mysterious raven-haired lovelies, wild blondes, my motorcycles, my kitchen, and.... do I have time for more?

One lady took this entirely too literally and refused to converse with a "playboy." C'mon... Really? Oh wait - today's vernacular is: "Seriously?" (See? I am still hip, cool, and with it.) Take one look at my ugly Irish mug. Do I look like a playboy? I don't think Daniel Craig or George Clooney have anything to worry about. Does anyone understand humor anymore?
I spend a lot of time thinking about
All sorts of things from the origin of the universe and the meaning of life to "NICE ass!" Of course I can hold an intelligent conversation on a variety of subjects, but is it always necessary?

To be honest, it is the little things I miss most as a result of being single: making dinner in the kitchen with the music going and you sitting on a bar stool with a glass of wine and chatting with me. Pick a subject, I don't care as long as we communicate and simply enjoy each other's company, and the rest of the world can just wait. As soon as the appropriate music comes on, whisking you off that bar stool, kissing you passionately, and doing a wine-fueled passionate neck-nibbling slow dance right there in the kitchen while the untended pasta boils over...

Lovely little fantasy, eh? But so hard to find in reality.
On a typical Friday night I am
I don't have a typical Friday night. It changes depending upon my son's activities. As a single father I have to make sure his needs are met before I can worry about myself. If I am lucky he might want to go spend the night with a friend and then I am open to anything.

If we are home alone, I can probably be found in the living room with You Tube on the big screen TV blasting music videos from various favorite musicians through the home theater system, while I play along on one of my guitars. I am no Mark Knopfler or Eric Clapton, but it feeds my soul.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Nah. Not here. Ask me in person during pillow talk.
Well, one thing - for some reason I think being with a taller woman is incredibly sexy. I cannot explain why. My late wife was taller than I and upon those few occasions when we noticed it we thought it was fun.

Sometimes I go on what I call OK Cupid "click tours." You know those three little photos where OKC says, "You might like..." ? I will pick a theme - cute smile, or a certain hair color, or blue top, or some other silly thing, and just click through profiles, moving on by clicking the best of the three photos that show up on the new profile. So if I showed up in your visitor's list, it may be because I was just cruising through and you met whatever silly and whimsical browsing criteria I invented for the day.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 45–65
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me if
Serial profile visitors are annoying. If I am interesting enough to visit incessantly, then please take the risk of starting a dialog that will satisfy your curiosity one way or the other. Otherwise, please just go away. Some of you are being awfully creepy. There is a big difference between "shy" and "voyeur."

We men sit here in an information vacuum and wonder at what point too much attempt at communication crosses a line to a perception of stalking. In today's decidedly female-favored social (and legal!) environment we run the risk of finding ourselves in trouble only because we were trying to be a pursuing white knight riding a magnificent steed in the age of electric cars. We are trying to show that we are interested in you according to a set of rules that got redefined a long time ago in an online medium we have been slow to understand and reluctant to engage. At least it is a horse and a pretty jeweled sword and not a dinosaur and a bloody wooden club, OK? It's hard being a guy these days!

One has to admit that the roles and responsibilities and rules were more simple and straightforward in the past. ;-) Now throw in the neuroticism and fluster of dating at our age, and the terror that "neurotic" may NOT eventually turn into "erotic", and I am not sure anyone has established any cultural norms for us poor mentally-challenged and socially-confused men to try to follow in the 21st century. This is an unfortunate direct by-product of equal rights turning into punitive feminism, and ladies, you brought it upon yourselves. Translated: it is a minefield for men these days, and now you ladies are going to have to share the burden of digital first contact.

With all of that in mind, and because I don't want anyone to feel awkward as a result of my single father status, I don't often initiate contact here. If you are interested please initiate contact.

One request: if you are one of those who considers being on a dating service to be your final failure in life, please don't bother. Your attitude is an insult to many good intelligent people who simply adapted with the times and chose to expand their horizons. Would you rather that I drop a jar of mustard on your foot in the grocery store so I have an excuse to introduce myself? Maybe rear end your car because you are cute and I want your phone number?