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FreeNotFurry

34 M Arlington, TX

My Details

Last Online
Today – 11:36am
Orientation
Bisexual
Ethnicity
White
Height
6′ 4″ (1.93m)
Body Type
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Not at all
Drugs
Never
Religion
Agnosticism, and somewhat serious about it
Sign
Pisces, and it’s fun to think about
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Art / Music / Writing
Income
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Strictly non-monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Speaks
English (Fluently), French (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Recently, I seem to be here to frighten away new members (who only get 80+% matching because they've only answered a dozen questions) and to provide some thrill for "straight" guys (or are they bots?) who desperately need to know more about my penis.

I do what I can.

I was born (and remain) The Luckiest Bastard on Earth™; I grew up in a well-hyphenated family; I was an excellent student in mediocre schools then a mediocre student at an excellent college; I lived incredibly boring lives in the two most exciting cities on the East Coast and worked very hard as a hands-off activist; I heard about polyamory and for some reason decided it would be easier to explore back in my conservative home state (and I was right). Since my return, I've gradually alienated most of the people who'd once begged me to come back; I've found love(s) when I wasn't looking and come to view "expectation" as a four-letter-word; I got into activism, then facilitation, and worked that into community-building, but now I've started kind of hating any group that loves me too easily; I spent years honing my personal guidelines for self-awareness and communication, but I've thrown them out the window to become a better caregiver to my personal hero as he faces dementia.

I am enthusiastic, peaceful, and quixotic.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm a 24/7 caregiver for an elderly relative.

I'm also an am-BAD-ASS-ador for polyamory/ethical non-monogamy, better relationships in general, and a more sex-positive culture.

In Texas.

I told you I was quixotic...

I am polyamorous with arisekraken, renaissancesun, and a former user. I also maintain something of a vacationship with inara_serra. My favorite allies are located in Colorado, Austin, and California, but I also have good friends in DC and NYC; until I can travel again, I can only hope to lure those connections here!

My extroversion is giving way to a more introverted, reflective, and highly creative phase. For now, my schedule is somewhat flexible, but I don't get to leave the house for more than a few hours at a time without weeks of planning. Weekends are almost always reserved for my loves, but I love an opportunity to come up with creative solutions.
I’m really good at
Acceptance. Patience. Applying Chap Stick with one hand. Writing. Crafting excellent playlists. Driving. Voting. Illustration. Syntax. Bizarre analogies. Karaoke.
The first things people usually notice about me
From farthest to closest: Tall. Pretty, kinda femme. Expressive eyes. Articulate hands. Sexy brain. Big heart. Strong ventricles. O+ blood.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Some of these selections are deeply flawed, but their flaws have only endeared them to me further; by all means, call them out on their culturally normative bullshit, but don't be surprised if I can agree whole-heartedly and go right back to watching without breaking my smile.

My favorite narratives (mostly novels) have this odd commonality of intellectual white dudes deepening their understanding of the world around them and indulging their curiosities to accomplish something greater than themselves (Arrowsmith, Zen & The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, The Count of Monte Cristo, Frankenstein, Cat's Cradle). I'm not sure whether that says more about me or local English curricula, but I should add that I haven't read much fiction in recent years. For nonfic, I like anything that examines intersectionality, particularly domestic identities of race, class, and sexuality.

Movies: I <3 Huckabees, Ghostbusters, Bamboozled, Short Bus, SLC Punk!, Bulworth, Love Actually, Fifth Element, The Big Hit, The Dark Knight. Common themes? Um... Irreverence? Visual innovations? Audience discomfort? Let's just go with general flippancy. More perplexing: I have neither strong love nor hate for any saga of Star Wars or LOTR, I don't care to ever see X-Men 1 or 3 or The Dark Knight Rises again, but I liked the entire Matrix Trilogy.

Shows--Musicals or TV? Let's do both!
Theater: Les Misérables, Rent, ... okay, I've seen and enjoyed other shows, but these are the ones I always come back to; I'm really curious to see the latest revival of Porgy & Bess, though (thanks in no small part to the legacy of Ella & Louis).
TV: M*A*S*H, Red Dwarf, Clone High, Scrubs, Blackadder, Life (2007--I swear that show was originally written for an audience of me!), How I Met Your Mother... Anyone remember Nothing Sacred from 1997? Just me? My favorite Star Trek is DS9, my favorite Doctor is 10 (though 11 gets better stories +River Song), and I want to throw something at the TV any time BBC America tries to advertise "original programming". Oh, and I saw Serenity before I ever watched Firefly and I came out enjoying and understanding each just fine.

Before I proceed, I should warn you that I love and still buy CDs. Not exclusively, but affectionately. Now, that said, my favorite CDs come from Dave Matthews Band, Duke Ellington, Esthero, Terri Hendrix, Dresden Dolls/Amanda Palmer, Ani DiFranco, Prince, Aerosmith, MIKA, St. Vincent, and Modest Mouse. I like dynamic music (and Oxford commas).

I eat out a lot; it's a benefit and a drawback of being a caregiver. When I pick, my first choice is likely to be Chipotle, Jason's Deli, pizza & wings, Indian, barbeque, or Thai. I practice Meatless Mondays; I grew up in a very meat-centered household and think my personal health (and environmental sustainability) could both benefit from eating LESS meat and MMs are a way to coax learning.

When I cook, it's likely to be some variation on the recipe: "combine ingredients you like, prepare until done": stir-fries, smoothies, tasty combinations of cheese and cracker; I take my tea much more seriously, but in none of these cases do I like having to shop for rare or uber-specific ingredients (unless you happen to be driving through Nashville, in which case could you bring me back a couple pounds of Jack's Ribs and a bottle of original BBQ sauce please?).

No spot for games and video games? Well, I like social games (e.g. Apples to Apples, Monte Python Flux), social video games (Mario Kart, Rock Band -- as long as I get to drum), and pretty much all the Final Fantasy games ever.
The six things I could never do without
Communication, hot tea, flirtation, water on my skin, music that engrosses me, Chap Stick

Actually, a caveat about my first item: I'm also pretty introspective ("communication with self"), and have begun to realize how overwhelming my reliance on communication can be, especially if I don't warn people. So here's your warning: my relationship with communication falls somewhere between paraphilia and religious fervor. I'm no longer certain it is healthy and sustainable at this intensity, but for now it's still all I got.

Of course, if this level of transparency excites you and/or you have some thoughts on how I can tweak my zealous dependence, you probably should have messaged me, like, five minutes ago...
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Patterns of resonance, entropy, and discovery.

Privilege, and whether I can be certain that no one is certain of anything.

What layer to shed next. In recent months, I've found myself going through two-week cycles of grief as pieces of my activist life give way to my caregiver life. These cycles are intense, quick, and cumulative, but always leave me feeling like a better caregiver and human being.
On a typical Friday night I am
Hanging out with one or more of my amazing lovers, hearing about their weeks and planning to make the most of the short weekend.

My weekends are notoriously full, but I do get frustrated when someone confuses having atypical hours with being "busy".
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I barely use this site these days, but I have found profile revision to be very helpful practice over the years for self-articulation. Sometimes the simplest questions, the ones that are hardest to answer, are the most important to not only explore, but be able to share with others. So I maintain a document with notes for potential revisions that I never get around to, simply because it's good practice for when someone asks me to tell them about myself, whether online or off.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 26–46
  • Near me
  • For new friends, short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me if
You liked my Poly-Gon Quiz and want to hear more.
You want info on a North Texas Poly event.
You are (or have been) a caregiver and want to commiserate.

I know BDSM & poly are like bread-and-butter in this area, but it's worth mentioning that I only seem to connect well with kinksters who don't comfortably identify with the local scene.

I should also mention that my sexual orientation is a label-fucking work in progress. Because I have much more experience and comfort dating women, I am not currently looking for men online. However, if you have ever found yourself wanting to rebuild masculinity (and/or all things gender) from the ground up, I enthusiastically welcome your friendship.

April 2013: This phase of my life is constantly challenging and shifting. I find myself comfortably poly-saturated at the moment, with all the love and support I need locally. Once in a great while, I do wax nostalgic for the kind of sexy adventures I used to have while traveling. I can talk for hours on ways to better negotiate intimate acts between strangers or friends -- if this does NOT sound boring to you and you don't mind working with my quirky schedule, you should definitely drop me a line. :)