New!   Incognito Mode. Now you can hand-select who sees you on OkCupid. That means total control of your visibility.

Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy

FreeNotFurry

35 Arlington, TX Man

Man

I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 26–46
  • Near me
  • For new friends

My details

Last online
Today – 5:41pm
Orientation
Bisexual
Ethnicity
White
Height
6′ 4″ (1.93m)
Body type
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Not at all
Drugs
Never
Religion
Agnosticism, and somewhat serious about it
Sign
Pisces, and it’s fun to think about
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Art / Music / Writing
Income
Rather not say
Status
Open relationship
Type
Strictly non-monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Speaks
English (Fluently), French (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
***As of early October, 2014, I'm just looking for friends in the short term. A pretty big heartache has devastated my poly network and I'm focused on healing the relationships we have. But, I'm always happy to make a patient digital friend now for potential meeting/play/dating a few months down the road. I'm also slowly relaunching workshops on non-monogamous relationships, so let me know if you're curious.***

Recently, I seem to be here to frighten away new members (who only get 80+% matching because they've answered a whopping dozen questions) and to provide some thrill for "straight" guys (or are they bots?) who desperately need to know more about my penis.

I do what I can.

I was born (and remain) The Luckiest Bastard on Earth™; I grew up in a well-hyphenated family; I was an excellent student in mediocre schools then a mediocre student at an excellent college; I lived incredibly boring lives in the two most exciting cities on the East Coast and worked very hard as a hands-off activist; I heard about polyamory and for some reason decided it would be easier to explore back in my conservative home state (and I was right). Since my return, I've gradually alienated most of the people who'd once begged me to come back; I've found love(s) when I wasn't looking and come to view "expectation" as a four-letter-word; I got deeper into activism, then facilitation, and worked that into some community-building, but now I've started kind of hating any group that follows me too easily; I spent years honing my personal guidelines for self-awareness and communication, but I've put them on the back-burner to become a better caregiver to my personal hero as he faces dementia.

I am enthusiastic, peaceful, and quixotic.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm a 24/7 caregiver for an elderly relative.

I'm also an am-BAD-ASS-ador for polyamory/ethical non-monogamy, better relationships in general, and a more sex-positive culture.

In Texas.

I told you I was quixotic...

I am polyamorous with arisekraken, renaissancesun, and a former user. My favorite connections are located in Colorado, Austin, and California, but I also have good friends in DC and NYC; until I can travel again, I can only hope to lure some of those friends here!

I have a passion for people and justice that I find hard to put into words and harder to develop around here; no sooner do I find a new perspective of radical inclusion than someone else comes along and turns it into a label and/or an excuse to stop learning and growing. I don't ever want to stop learning and growing, so I tend to eschew any labels that may get in the way.

My extroversion is giving way to a more introverted, reflective, and hopefully creative phase. The last couple years have brought me enough hard lessons that I needed some downtime to absorb them.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Acceptance. Patience. Applying Chap Stick with one hand. Writing. Crafting excellent playlists. Driving. Voting. Illustration. Syntax. Bizarre analogies. Karaoke.

I'm learning that some of these aren't as true as I'd like when I'm under a lot of stress, but I'm always aspiring to get back there and bring others with me. In the meantime, my analytical and compassionate sides still shine brightly, if differently.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
From farthest to closest: Tall. Pretty, kinda femme. Expressive eyes. Articulate hands. Sexy brain. Big heart. Strong ventricles. O+ blood.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I enjoy some stuff that is problematic in one way but brilliant in another; the best are both clever and conscious without being obtuse.

My favorite narratives (mostly novels) have this odd commonality of intellectual white dudes deepening their understanding of the world around them and indulging their curiosities to accomplish something greater than themselves (Arrowsmith, Zen & The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, The Count of Monte Cristo, Frankenstein, Cat's Cradle). I'm not sure whether that says more about me or local English curricula, but I should add that I haven't read much fiction in recent years (but I'm trying to change that). For nonfic, I like anything that examines intersectionality, particularly domestic identities of race, class, and sexuality, or anything that blurs the interdisciplinary line: social memoirs, cosmological histories, that kind of stuff. I recommend Opening Up to the poly/poly-curious and The Usual Error to anyone who interacts with anyone else ever.

Movies: I <3 Huckabees, Ghostbusters, Bamboozled, Short Bus, Bulworth, Love Actually, Fifth Element, The Big Hit, The Dark Knight. Common themes? Um... Irreverence? Visual innovations? Audience discomfort? Let's just go with general flippancy. More perplexing: I have neither strong love nor hate for any saga of Star Wars or LOTR, I don't care to ever see X-Men 1 or 3 or The Dark Knight Rises again, but I liked the entire Matrix Trilogy.

Shows--Musicals or TV? Let's do both!
Theater: Les Misérables, Rent, ... okay, I've seen and enjoyed other shows, but these are the ones I always come back to; I'm really curious to see the latest revival of Porgy & Bess, though (thanks in no small part to the legacy of Ella & Louis).
TV: M*A*S*H, Red Dwarf, Clone High, Blackadder, Life (2007 -- I swear that show was originally written for an audience of me!), Leverage, Six Feet Under, Avatar: The Last Airbender... Anyone remember Nothing Sacred from 1997? Just me??? My favorite Star Trek is DS9, my favorite Doctor is 10 (though 11 gets better mysteries + River Song), and I want to throw something at the TV any time BBC America tries to advertise "original programming". Oh, and I saw Serenity before I ever watched Firefly and I came out understanding and enjoying each just fine.

I love and still buy CDs. Not exclusively, but affectionately. That said, some of my favorites come from Dave Matthews Band, Duke Ellington, Esthero, Terri Hendrix, Dresden Dolls/Amanda Palmer, St. Vincent, Ani DiFranco, Prince, Asylum Street Spankers, Aerosmith, MIKA, Stevie Wonder, Jim Croce, and Modest Mouse. I like dynamic music (and Oxford commas). ADDENDUM: My CD of Janelle Monáe 's Electric Lady never left my car in 2014... She is everything I love in a musician!

I eat out a lot; it's a benefit and a drawback of being a caregiver. When I pick, my first choice is likely to be Chipotle, Jason's Deli, pizza & wings, barbeque, Indian, or Thai. ***UPDATE: I found out I'm gluten-sensitive and have to completely upend my relationship with food. The timing kind of sucks, but I'm going to take up a lot more cooking and nutrition. Gentle counsel is sought often from everyone I know.

When I cook, it's likely to be some variation on the recipe: "combine ingredients you like, prepare until done": stir-fries, smoothies, tasty combinations of cheese and cracker; I take my tea much more seriously, but in none of these cases do I like having to shop for rare or uber-specific ingredients (unless you happen to be driving through Nashville, in which case could you bring me back a couple pounds of Jack's Ribs please?).

I'm a gold-star teetotaler (never had a drink of alcohol) and have been trying to figure out how important a part of my life that is. Yes, it's a personal choice -- about me not you. No, I don't want to ban it or any other substance (I'm for drug legalization, really). Yes it can be awkward sometimes being around it, though not as often as you might think (I grew up in bars and love live music , after all). No, I don't go to temperance meetings or crap like that, but I have been learning more about conscious sobriety (especially in queer communities, where the bar culture makes it particularly complicated) and it might come up at some point if we hang out. None of this is a deal-breaker for me if it isn't for you.

No spot for games and video games? Well, I like social games (e.g. Apples to Apples, Monte Python Fluxx, Chrononauts), social video games (Mario Kart, Rock Band -- as long as I get to drum), and pretty much all the Final Fantasy games ever.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Hot tea, water on my skin, Communication, music that engrosses me, flirtation, room to stretch.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Patterns of resonance, entropy, and discovery.

Privilege, and whether I can be certain that no one is certain of anything.

Masculinity, and how to excise it from my otherwise comfortable cismale life.

What layer to shed next.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Hanging out with one or more of my amazing lovers, hearing about their weeks and planning to make the most of the short weekend.

Watering the yard for my caregivee.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
For years I kept my profile up here - even when I wasn't actively looking - just for the practice: the better I got at self-articulation, the easier it was to do elsewhere. I'm a communication fetishist. Even when I'm not seeking new relationships, I have found profile revision to be very helpful practice for self-articulation.

Now that I'm tired of talking about myself, I find great comfort in browsing profiles and just being reminded that so many interesting and attractive people are out there. Fills my extrovert bucket (or is it a thimble at this point?) during a very homebody, introverted time.

Also: I know BDSM & poly are like bread-and-butter in this area, but I should make it clear that I connect better with sex-positive/kinky types who don't comfortably identify with the local dungeon scene (and those four letters in particular).
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You understand why a cisdude wouldn't want to make the first move.
You are passing through town (or will be) and want to find local outliers to welcome you.
You are (or have been) a caregiver and want to commiserate.
You liked my Poly-Gon Quiz and want to hear more.
You are up late. Seriously, I might be getting desperate to find local night owls and other abstract schedulers... If you like to hang out or even just chat after midnight, there are some late nights when I would really enjoy the company.

I really am here for friends in addition to the other stuff. Most people have daytime jobs and commutes and families & need more time alone, but I find myself feeling isolated during afternoons and some late nights. My evenings and weekends are usually full, but I get frustrated when anyone conflates having atypical hours with being "busy".

On casual sex: I am open to it, pending negotiations, but chemistry is only part of compatibility and I will NOT make the first move. I love the idea of having sex with my friends though, so no harm taking that approach to start.