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30 M Seattle, WA

My Details

Last Online
Today – 5:45pm
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body Type
Mostly vegetarian
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Libra, but it doesn’t matter
Dropped out of two-year college
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Has cats
English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly)

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My self-summary
This is serious business and I am super serious all the time. Online dating is no place for horsing around.

But, on a more seriouslyer note, if you have any type of online photo sharing account where you post daily pictures of yourself, just ew, go away. I'm not manly enough to handle that kind of vanity.

West Philadelphia born and raised.
On the playground where I spend most of my days.
Chillin' out maxim relaxin' all cool, shootin' some b-ball outside of the school.
When a couple of guys who were up to no good, started making trouble in my neighborhood.
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said, "Your movin' in with auntie and uncle in Bel Air."

Running Front Punch Kick
Type that in youtube and watch my videos. I make skits with my friends. I have absolute faith that I will be a professional funny person some day. This 9-5 shit is for the birds!
What I’m doing with my life
What does, Marsellus Wallace, look like?
*loud crash*
Describe what Marsellus Wallace LOOKS LIKE!
What? I... I...
What country you from?
What ain't no country I've ever heard of. Do they speak English in What?
Say what again! SAY WHAT AGAIN! I dare you, I double dare you mother fucker say what one mo' god damn time!
He, he's black!
Go on.
He's bald!
Does he look like a bitch?
Then why'd you try to fuck him like a bitch, Bret?
I didnt!
Yes you did. Yes. You. Did Bret. You tried to fuck him.
I didnt!
And Marsellus Wallace doesn't like to be fucked by anybody except, Misses Wallace.
I’m really good at
Look at my horse, my horse is amazing. Give it a lick.
Hmmm! It tastes just like craisins!
Have a stroke of its mane, it turns into a plane, and then back again and you tug on its winky!
Ooh that's dirty!
Do ya think so? Well I better not show you where the lemonade is made.
Sweet lemonade. Sweet lemonade. Sweet lemonade yeah sweet lemonade.
*Musical Interlude*
Get on my horse, I'll take you around the universe, and all the other places too.
I think you'll find that the universe pretty much covers everything.
Shut up woman get on my horse!
The first things people usually notice about me
The obscene bulge in my pants.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Movies - Tossing shit out there. Old Boy, Fargo, Seven, Blow, Tarantino, Dead Man, No Country For Old Men, American History X, Ran, Jurassic Park, Independence Day, The Fly (Jeff Goldbloom anyone?), Monty Python (anything), Dumb and Dumber, Gladiator, Braveheart, There Will Be Blood, Predator, Alien, Godzilla, Classic Star Wars, Princess Monoke, Akira, Anchorman, basically Will Farrel movies, Jim Carrey (not so much new stuff), Chris Farley. Brokeback Mountain (seriously that movie had me BAWLING). Yeah, movies make me cry. Big woop wanna fight about it?!

Music - Just gonna throw out some random shit. Lamb of God. August burns red. Glitch Mob. Justice. Wu Tang. Amon Amarth. Boyz noise. Blackmill. As blood runs black. Soulfly. Sepultura. Iron Maiden. Daft Punk. Birdy Nam Nam. Deadmou5e.

TV - X-Files. Breaking Bad. It's always sunny in Philadelphia.

Food - All of it. I like putting things in my mouth.

Books - Anything with a viking on the cover. Bernard Cornwell. Dan Abnett.
The six things I could never do without
1. Family
2. Friends
3. My computer
4. Wikipedia
5. Farts
9. Orange. The color.
A. Misha
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Things that are completely irrelevant to the task at hand... and dinosaurs. Which are entirely relevant all the time.
On a typical Friday night I am
Im sitting here at work on my break and I look down at my shoe. On the bottom of my shoe is a mostly intact slice of jalapeno. How fuck does that work?

*I don't work at a restaurant*
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I look at myself in the mirror and I say, "God damn. I'd bone."
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 23–35
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
Are you polyamorous? Sweet! Go fuck yourself! Disguising your promiscuous behavior with big words, pfffffft. Just say you like to bang instead of trying to sound edgy and cool.

I don't care if you're sassy. I don't care if you like whiskey. I don't care if you like to go on adventures. I don't care if you like live shows. I don't care how laid back you are. I don't care where you are from. I don't care how brutally honest you are. I don't care about how many tattoos you have. I don't care if you like craft beer. I don't care if you are unsure about this whole, "online dating thing."