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51 M Berkeley, CA

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
6′ 5″ (1.96m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Not at all
Relationship Status
Open relationship
Relationship Type

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My self-summary

I'm an ethically non-monogamous non-toppy top (sometimes a 'service top,') a creative and entertaining non-domly dom, and sometimes a switch. Not exclusively kinky, but I lean strongly that way, and get along well with those who do.

I'm in a long-term, stable, and rewarding primary relationship. I am not looking for romance, new dating partners, or committed relationships, but for friends who share common interests. I'm good to talk and collaborate with, sapiosexual, fun to be around, and test out as an ENFJ, if you put stock in that sort of thing.

Rather than write a bunch of stuff on this page, I've written a number of comments on the various questions with the idea that you'll see what I think about things that you're interested in. That's the theory, anyway. Let me know how it works.

If you're interested or curious about me, my profile, or what I write about, please drop me a note!
What I’m doing with my life
I'm doing a lot of things, but for purposes of this OKC profile, I'm looking for women who are interested in meeting for regular play. I'm always happy to meet a Good Girl.
I’m really good at
Hand spanking.
Creative use of household tools and objects.
Talking and writing about non-monogamy and kink, and the negotiations and discussions that make it more fun.
Fun things.
Also: a good kisser.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Old punk, love the classics, now listening to a wide variety of stuff--jazz, downtempo, electronica. Haven't heard much new rock that I'm fond of, but am still looking.
Movies--Secretary is always fun.
More to come, probably.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
The nature of bdsm and D/s sexual relationships. Here's a Dan Savage quote that caught my seems to speak to a lot of how I approach kink and topping:

"A person can safely explore degrading fantasies—so long as he/she is capable of compartmentalizing this stuff. Basically you have to build a firewall between your fantasies and your self-esteem...Call it the bottom's paradox: a D/s sub who takes ownership of his or her desires is in control, not being controlled, regardless of how things might appear to a casual or misinformed observer."

Of course 'degrading' is a value judgment, and it was appropriate in context, but I still like the idea of the firewall.
On a typical Friday night I am
I try not to have typical nights, and frequently succeed.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Private things are scattered all through my comments on the OKC questions.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 32–55
  • Near me
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me if
If you are looking for a fun play partner.
If you own your own sexuality and know what you want--or if you are interested in exploring new aspects of your sexuality.
You are not looking for a monogamous relationship.
If you enjoy the communication that makes kink more fun.
You like tall men.
If you think that being able to laugh and have fun and also have great sex is important.
If you like talking about different aspects of kink and mon-monogamy.