Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy

TwoKidsInACoat

26 Mountain View, CA Man

Man

Similar users

I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 23–27
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Today – 12:32am
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
6′ 2″ (1.88m)
Body type
Average
Diet
Strictly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Sometimes
Religion
Atheism
Sign
Virgo, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Technology
Income
Rather not say
Status
Single
Type
Monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), French (Poorly)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I proudly own a framed picture of a giant chibi Nicolas Cage about to fight a giant chibi pug with a paper hat in a non-specific Japanese city. So yeah, I'm rad as heck. Also, I really am a horrific amalgam of two children, blended into a chimeric caricature, masquerading as an adult human male. So you gotta be cool with that.

I grew up in a Massachusetts farm town, picturesque, rustic and rural. I attended a performing arts high school, where I dedicated myself to the pursuits of sleight of hand magic and breakdancing. However, my first real taste of the outside world was when I went to school and got my BS in psychology. It solidified my opinion that people are systemically weird, myself included. I often feel like a perpetual stranger in a strange land out here. Or at least like a Russian mouse.

Like many psych majors, I was captured by a cybernetically enhanced gang of neuro-slavers while attempting to cross the scorching wastelands of the mega dunes. After much uneducated and uninformed debate over exactly how much I was worth, they transported me west as a conscripted laborer. I spent each day underground, digging in the grueling tech-mines for the Silicon warlords in the area known only as "The Valley". Cliche, I know.

I prefer stouts over IPAs. I enjoy watching terrible movies recreationally. I ride my bike around. I make jokes that will either be the best thing you've heard or the worst, and I cannot stop myself from making them. I also like to create spontaneous little stories about anything, everything, and nothing.

I'm goofy, a cheerleader for the sciences, technology, and hot chocolate (+/- vodka). I'm an extrovert when you see me, and introvert when you don't.

Video games are a big part of my life, and I am lucky enough to have turned my passion into a career out here. It's helpful if you share that hobby, but not required :)

I am also the events manager for the local gaming club, The South Bay Button Mashers.

Would you like to know more?
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I work at a PC gaming hardware company in Santa Clara. I get to play games at work, and I am often recruited to solve the problems that other people have swept away. I'm basically a corporate mercenary or interdepartmental liaison, doing whatever needs to get done, with the general goal of improving the products from an EU perspective. You're welcome.

Every day is a potential adventure, waiting to be molded and crafted into a series of events that will be recounted for generations to come! That usually doesn't happen, but you make do with what you get.

Currently I'm trying to break into the wonderful world of UX design/research, and am learning the tricks of the trade in my spare time.

I edit little videos for fun, mostly gameplays and music videos, purely as a hobby, and usually just to amuse my friends.

I dance a lot in the privacy of my room or the absence of privacy in public. I unfortunately never bothered to learn a true partner dance (that seem to be all the rage around these parts, or at least with young single women) so I don't usually bring it up.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Shoehorning puns into places no one thought they could(/should) exist.

Improvising and making up stories on the fly, "embellishing" the "truth".

Impressions of Christopher Walken trying to commentate on subjects he knows little about.

Funk dancing. Psychology stuff. Visual perception stuff. General game aptitude. Talking to engineers. Getting that random thing everyone else has neglected done. Epee fencing. Cutting down trees with axes. Scything. Using a whetstone. Plinking. Conducting conversation. Conducting electricity. Writing good. Making decisions others don't want to make. Dog petting. Cat appreciation. Raccoon enthusiasm. Bird swallowing. Skill making-upping. Did am already put write good?
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm tall, according to some people. On occasion, my rocking mustache.

If I don't stop it, my hair gets really big and wavy.

Realistic, scientific, yet somehow unsatisfying answer: My face, then whichever part of my body has the highest contrast to the surroundings!

Stick with me and you too can enjoy the fringe benefits of an education in psychology!
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: John Dies at the End, This Book is Full of Spiders, Good Omens, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time, Sabriel/Abhorsen, His Dark Materials series, Snow Crash, books by David Sedaris, How to Lie with Statistics, The Design of Everyday Things, Dataclysm, The Name of the Wind.

Movies: The Cornetto Trilogy, Cashback, Crank 2: High Voltage, Fast 5 and sequels, Romero zombie movies, zombies in general, Hotshots! Part Deux, Hook, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Predator, Terminator 2: Judgement Day, Airplane!
I also watch a lot of terribad garbo movies on purpose, because I love them so much. Rifftrax is pretty spiffy, too.

TV shows: True Detective, House of Cards, Rick and Morty, Adventure Time, Game of Thrones, MST3K, Futurama, Star Trek TNG, Archer, Bob's Burgers, etc. Basically anything you'd expect from someone in my demographic. I never got into Breaking Bad though. Yeah. I said it.

Music: A lot of indie dance and future bass recently. To whet your desire for specifics: Two Door Cinema Club, Koan Sound, Daft Punk, Justice, Modeselektor, Boys Noize, Neon Indian, Passion Pit, Kill the Noise, Bag Raiders, Reel Big Fish, Bonobo, Aquabats, SebastiAn, Knife Party, Eastghost, The Mountain Goats, edIT, Ratatat, Krakatoa, Lamb of God, Let's Be Friends, Rustie, The M Machine, Haywyre, Pogo, Gui Boratto, Slayer, Metallica, Krakatoa, etc. There's a lot, specifically due to the culture of singles in EDM and related genres. A long time ago I wrote about EDM in a blog for a few months, I've managed to retain some of that knowledge, but it's already starting to be irrelevant.

I'm also a fan of stand up comedy. Does this go here? Mitch Hedberg, John Mulaney, Jim Gaffigan, and Lewis Black are some of my favorites.

Food: Cephalopods. Crustaceans. Grilled cheese. Waffles. Real maple syrup. Reese's puff cereal. Roasted veggies. Brussels sprouts. Poronkäristys. Sushi. Seafood in general. I'll try just about anything once. As long as I don't have to worry about prions or eyeballs.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Vision
Cute animals
Good Music
Delicious food
[Good] humor
Thumbs

It's difficult to distill your essential being into six needed things without sounding too preachy, self-righteous, trivial, or materialistic. But I definitely feel like I need my thumbs. How else could I make those "Who has two thumbs and..." jokes?
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Would a real person actually ever want to use this product or feature? Similarly, how did someone else think that real people would want to use this?

How dumb the idea of ghosts is. Sorry, it's dumb.

What would actually happen, if at a border crossing, I was asked if I had anything to declare, and I responded dramatically with hand waving and a thick southern drawl, "I do declare I have the vapours!"

The next looming* project.

I would put "jokes" here, but I would be lying. I do not spend any time thinking about them. They just happen. Don't fight them. They always win. We always lose.

*does not involve actual looms
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
A typical Friday: Maybe some nice dinner, some shows/movies/games, probably catching up on news, having a few drinks with company, more drinks with good company. Gaming, Netflix and/or Internet until 2am when all else fails?

Atypical Friday: Hosting/running a gaming event with the club, out on the town with friends, at a party, at a local show or movie, etc. Typical things for people in our age/income/location groups, probably

Very atypical Friday: quieting reading by candlelight. In an alleyway. Surrounded by stray cats and garbage. Sensing the harsh vibrations of impending airships, I quickly snuffed out the flame. The machines flew overhead lazily, but with a precise and unified purpose, scanning for human survivors below. I knew my rare moment of escapism wouldn't last long, but it's a shame to waste a match so early in the night. The sweeps were more frequent lately, I liked to think it was out of desperation, but knowing how the Overmind functioned, it was more likely out of engineered dedication to completeness.

Y'know, in the dystopia.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I've done what I fear many of you have also done. In the course of ironically parodying people who regularly say things like brah, bro, "hashtag", totes, unforch, etc., I've ended up becoming someone who actually uses those words! I can't even. Hashtag totesawks.

I basically learned to read thanks to Garfield and Far Side comics, and have a giant box of well over 50 books in my childhood room.

I once conflated Anne Frank and Lisa Frank in casual conversation. Hashtag totesawks.

I forget names like I was paid to. My selective memory is both impressive and appalling :)
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You are a cool cat. A frigid feline. A gelid grimalkin.

If you can come up with another valid pair of alliterative "low-temperature word" + "word for cat". Seriously, I'm stumped.

If you or someone who you trust has referred to you as cynical, snarky, sarcastic, or generally as a "misanthrope" at some point, then I will probably like you more than if that was not the case.

If you've ever felt like Liz Lemon is your spirit animal.

If you want to explore abandoned buildings together (and give me ideas of places to explore!).

You're the kind of person who would spend hours climbing a mountain to eat a really good pizza.

You understand why the MBTI is silly. Ghosts, too.

When someone asks if you're a god, you say "YES!"

If you write me a message with a suitably funny* "I like my men like I like my _____, ______" joke, you'll definitely get a response from me.

*funny, not necessarily original, don't stress. I mean, if you make an attempt that isn't funny, but I like you anyway, I'll still reply. I'm not heartless.

I'm just a person probably looking for the same things you are. It's really not that complicated in the end. Let's hike a trail, drink beer, watch a movie, et cetera.