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Funkase

26 Mountain View, CA Man

Man

I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 23–28
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 11:13pm
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
6′ 2″ (1.88m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Strictly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Sometimes
Religion
Atheism
Sign
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Technology
Income
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), French (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I proudly own a framed picture of a giant chibi Nicolas Cage about to fight a giant chibi pug with a paper hat in a non-specific Japanese city. So yeah, I'm doing pretty well.

I grew up outside of Lesbianville, MA, got my B.S. in psychology, and like so many others, I was captured by a cybernetically enhanced gang of slavers and transported west as a conscripted laborer. I spend each day underground, digging in the grueling tech-mines for the Silicon warlords. Cliche, I know.

I prefer stouts over IPAs. I enjoy watching terrible movies recreationally. I ride my bike around. I run and hike in them thar hills. I make jokes that will either be the best thing you've heard or the worst, and I cannot stop myself from making them.

I'm goofy, into science, technology, and hot chocolate (+ vodka). I'm an extrovert when you see me, and introvert when you don't.

Video games are a big part of my life, and I am lucky enough to have turned my passion into a career out here, and in my spare time I am the events manager for the local gaming club, The South Bay Button Mashers.

Would you like to know more?
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I managed to get a job at a company I love and enjoy my work every day. Working for a PC gaming hardware company, I am allowed and encouraged to play during the day, and I get access to some of the nicest toys fo frizzle. Aw snap.

Every weekend is a potential adventure, waiting to be molded and crafted into a series of events that will be recounted for generations to come! That usually doesn't happen, but you make do with what you get.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Shoehorning puns into places no one thought they could(/should) exist.

Improvising and making up stories on the fly, "embellishing".

Impressions of a naive Christopher Walken trying to commentate on subjects he knows little about.

Funk dancing. Psychology stuff. Perception stuff. General game aptitude. Talking to engineers. Getting that random thing everyone else has neglected done. Epee fencing. Cutting down trees with axes. Scything. Using a whet stone. Plinking. Conducting conversation. Conducting electricity. Writing good. Making decisions others don't want to make. Dog petting. Cat appreciation. Raccoon enthusiasm. Frog hunting. Skill making-upping.

And of course, splichtering, but only in left-left calibration. I haven't mastered right-left or inverse glaup styles. Yet.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm tall(ish), according to some people. At this point, my rocking mustache.

Depending on time since haircut, my large, unyielding, undying, hair.

Realistic, scientific, yet somehow unsatisfying answer:

My face, then whichever part of my body has the highest contrast to the surroundings. Psychology!
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: Ready player One, John Dies at the End, This Book is Full of Spiders, Good Omens, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time, Sabriel/Abhorsen, His Dark Materials series, Snow Crash, books by David Sedaris, How to Lie with Statistics, The Design of Everyday Things, Dataclysm. Currently reading: Nothing. Open to suggestions. However, most of my reading is without books these days.

Movies: The Cornetto Trilogy, Cashback, Crank 2: High Voltage, Fast 5 and sequels, Romero zombie movies, zombies in general, Hotshots! Part Deux, Hook, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Predator, Terminator 2: Judgement Day, Airplane!, . I watch a lot of terribad garbo movies on purpose, because I love them so much. Rifftrax is pretty great, too.

TV shows: True Detective, House of Cards, Rick and Morty, Adventure Time, Game of Thrones, MST3K, Futurama, Star Trek TNG, Archer, Bob's Burgers, etc. Basically anything you'd expect from someone in my demographic.

Music: A lot of indie dance and future bass recently. To wet your desire for specifics: Two Door Cinema Club, Koan Sound, Daft Punk, Justice, Modeselektor, Boys Noize, Neon Indian, Passion Pit, Kill the Noise, Bag Raiders, Reel Big Fish, Bonobo, Aquabats, SebastiAn, Knife Party, Eastghost, The Mountain Goats, edIT, Ratatat, Krakatoa, Lamb of God, Let's Be Friends, Rustie, The M Machine, Haywyre, Pogo, Gui Boratto, Slayer, Metallica, Krakatoa, etc.

I'm also a fan of stand up comedy. Does this go here? Mitch Hedberg, John Mulaney, Jim Gaffigan, and Lewis Black are some of my favorites.

Food: Cephalopods. Crustaceans. Grilled cheese. Waffles. Real maple syrup. Reese's puff cereal. Roasted veggies. Brussels sprouts. Poronkäristys. Sushi. Seafood in general. I'll try just about anything once. As long as I don't have to worry about prions.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Eyes
Thumbs
Cute animals
Good Music
Delicious food
Good humor

It's difficult to distill your essential being into six needed things without sounding too preachy, self-righteous, trivial, or materialistic. But I definitely feel like I need my thumbs. How else could I make those "Who has two thumbs and..." jokes?
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Would a real person actually ever want to use this product or feature? Similarly, how did someone else think that real people would want to use this?

How dumb the idea of ghosts is. Sorry, it's dumb.

What would actually happen, if at a border crossing, I was asked if I had anything to declare, and I responded dramatically with hand waving and a thick southern drawl, "I do declare I have the vapours!"

The next looming* project.

I would put "puns" here, but I would be lying. I do not spend any time thinking about them. They just happen. Don't fight them. They always win. We always lose.

*does not involve actual looms
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
A typical Friday: Maybe some nice dinner, some shows/movies/games, probably catching up on news, having a few drinks with company, more drinks with good company. Netflix and/or Reddit until 2am when all else fails?

Atypical Friday: Hosting a gaming event with the club, out on the town with friends, at a party, at a local show or movie, etc. Typical things for people in our age/income/location groups.

Very atypical: quieting reading by candlelight. In an alleyway. Surrounded by stray cats and garbage. Never again.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I've done what I fear many of you have also done. In the course of ironically parodying people who regularly say things like brah, bro, "hashtag", totes, unforch, etc., I've ended up becoming someone who actually uses those words! I can't even. #awks.

I basically learned to read thanks to Garfield and Far Side comics, and have a giant box of well over 50 books in my childhood room.

I once conflated Anne Frank and Lisa Frank in casual conversation. Ugh.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You are a cool cat. A frigid feline. A gelid grimalkin.

If you can come up with another valid pair of "alliterative temperature word" + "cat word". Seriously, I'm stumped.

If you or someone who you trust has referred to you as cynical, snarky, sarcastic, or generally as a "misanthrope" at some point, then we will probably get along.

You're the kind of person who would spend hours climbing a mountain to eat a really good pizza.

You understand why the MBTI is stupid. Ghosts, too.

When someone asks if you're a god, you say "YES!"

If you write me a message with a suitably funny* "I like my men like I like my _____, ______" joke, you'll definitely get a response from me.

*may or may not involve actual looms