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27 Mountain View, CA Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 23–28
  • Near me
  • For new friends, short-term dating, casual sex

My details

Last online
Today – 1:59am
Relationship Type
6' 2" (1.88m)
Body Type
Doesn’t have kids
English (Fluently), French (Somewhat)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I proudly own a framed picture of a giant chibi Nicolas Cage about to fight a giant chibi pug with a paper hat in a nonspecific Japanese city. So yeah, I'm rad as heck.

Related, I really am a horrific amalgam of two children, blended into a chimeric caricature, masquerading as an adult human male. So you gotta be cool with that.

I grew up in a hilly Massachusetts farm town; picturesque, rustic and rural. I attended a performing arts high school, where I dedicated myself to the pursuits of funk dancing and improv comedy. However, my first real taste of the outside world was when I went to school and got my BS in psychology. Brains be cray, yo.

Like many psych majors, I was captured by a cybernetically enhanced militia of neuro-slavers while attempting to cross the scorching wastelands of the mega dunes. After much uneducated and uninformed debate over exactly how much my frontal lobe was worth, they transported me west as a conscripted laborer. I spent each day underground, digging in the grueling tech-mines for the Silicon warlords in the area known simply as "The Valley" ... until I escaped! Now I am wandering the world, searching for my destiny, something like that blah blah "that's where you come in," yadda yadda.

I prefer stouts to IPAs. I enjoy watching terrible movies. I like to ride my bike around. I also like to ride my motorbike around; its name is Rhodopsin. I make jokes that will either be the best thing you've heard or the worst, and I cannot stop myself from making them. I also like to create spontaneous little stories about people I don't know or things happening around me. I've been told it's entertaining.

I'm goofy, a cheerleader for the sciences, technology, and hot chocolate (+/- vodka). I'm an extrovert when you see me, and introvert when you don't.

Gaming and A/V editing are my primary hobbies these days. I also have been writin' and readin', hootin' and hollarin', etc.

I was also the events manager for the local gaming club, The South Bay Button Mashers. We run local events to help bring other gamers together and make new friends, and we raise money for charity, run tournaments, and run booths and stations at larger events like Big Wow and Fanime. I've semi-retired from that role after working it for a little over a year, and now just enjoy the group as a "senior member"

Would you like to know more?
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Every day is a potential adventure, waiting to be molded and crafted into a series of events that will be recounted for generations to come! That usually doesn't happen, but you make do with what you get.

I'm also slowly filing out my Futurama fantasy life and have become a delivery driver for DoorDash. It's quick easy money, some something to pay bills and provide interesting stories.

These days I've been relaxing in my recent unemployment, learning some things, applying to stuff, vegging out, and (trying to) write jokes.

I dance a lot in the privacy of my room or the absence of privacy in public. It's one of my primary means of exercise these days.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Shoehorning puns into places no one thought they could(/should) exist.

Improvising and making up stories on the fly, "embellishing" the truth, and "correctly" ""using"" """quotation""" """"marks.""""

Impressions of Christopher Walken trying to commentate on subjects he knows little about. Wow!

Funk dancing. Psychology stuff. Visual perception stuff. General game aptitude. Talking to engineers. Getting that random thing everyone else has neglected done. Epee fencing. Cutting down trees with axes. Scything. Using a whetstone. Plinking. Conducting conversation. Conducting electricity. Writing good. Making decisions others don't want to make. Dog petting. Cat appreciation. Fitzgerald enthusiasm. mattress swallowing. Skill making-upping. Did am already putting writen good?
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm tall, according to some people. When I allow it, my rockin' mustache.

If I don't stop it, my hair gets really big and wavy. It's very noticeable.

Realistic, scientific, yet somehow unsatisfying answer: My face, then whichever part of my body has the highest contrast to the surroundings!

Stick with me and you too can enjoy the fringe benefits of an education in perceptual psychology!
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: John Dies at the End, This Book is Full of Spiders, Good Omens, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time, Sabriel/Abhorsen, His Dark Materials series, Snow Crash, books by David Sedaris, How to Lie with Statistics, The Design of Everyday Things, Dataclysm, The Kingkiller Chronicles ~and more!

Movies: The Cornetto Trilogy, Cashback, Crank 2: High Voltage, Fast 5 and sequels, Romero zombie movies, zombies in general, Hotshots! Part Deux, Hook, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Predator, Terminator 2: Judgement Day, Airplane!
I also watch a lot of terribad garbo movies on purpose, because I love them so much. MST3K and Rifftrax are pretty spiffy ~and more!

TV shows: True Detective, House of Cards, Rick and Morty, Adventure Time, Game of Thrones, MST3K, Futurama, Star Trek TNG, Archer, Bob's Burgers, etc. Basically anything you'd expect from someone in my demographic. I never got into Breaking Bad though. Yeah. I said it ~and more!

Music: A lot of indie dance and future bass recently. To whet your desire for specifics: Two Door Cinema Club, Koan Sound, Daft Punk, Justice, Modeselektor, Boys Noize, Passion Pit, Kill the Noise, Bag Raiders, Reel Big Fish, Bonobo, Aquabats, SebastiAn, Eastghost, The Mountain Goats, Krakatoa, Let's Be Friends, Rustie, The M Machine, Haywyre, Pogo, Gui Boratto, Slayer, Metallica ~and more!

• I'm a fan of stand up comedy! Does this go here? Mitch Hedberg, Steven Wright, Amy Schumer, John Mulaney, Jim Gaffigan, and Lewis Black, and Daniel Tosh are some of my favorites.

• And podcasts! Comedy Bang! Bang!, How Did This Get Made? Comedy Button, Skeptoid, Skeptics Guide to the Universe, Beyond!, Game Scoop, Black List Table Reads, and Dude Soup ~and more!

Food: Cephalopods (also unironically my favorite animals). Crustaceans. Grilled cheese. Waffles. Real maple syrup. Reese's puff cereal. Roasted veggies. Brussels sprouts. Poronkäristys. Sushi. Seafood in general. I'll try just about anything once. As long as I don't have to worry about prions or eyeballs and such.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Cute animals
Good Music
Delicious food
[Good] humor

It's difficult to distill your essential being into six needed things without sounding too preachy, self-righteous, trivial, or materialistic. But I definitely feel like I need my thumbs. How else could I make those "Who has two thumbs and..." jokes?
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Would a real person actually ever want to use this product or feature? Similarly, how did someone else think that real people would want to use this?

How dumb the idea of ghosts is. Sorry, it's dumb.

What would actually happen, if at a border crossing, I was asked if I had anything to declare, and I responded dramatically with hand waving and a thick southern drawl, "I do declare I have the vapours!"

The next looming* project.

I would put "jokes" here, but I would be lying. I do not spend any time thinking about them. They just happen. Don't fight them. They always win. We always lose.

*does not involve actual looms
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
A typical Friday: Maybe some nice dinner, some shows/movies/games, probably catching up on news, having a few drinks with company, more drinks with good company. Gaming, Netflix and/or Internet until 2am when all else fails?

Atypical Friday: Hosting/running a gaming event with the club, out on the town with friends, at a party, at a local show or movie, etc. Typical things for people in our age/income/location groups, probably

Very atypical Friday: quieting reading by candlelight. In an alleyway. Surrounded by stray cats and garbage. Sensing the harsh vibrations of impending airships, I quickly snuffed out the flame. The machines flew overhead lazily, but with a precise and unified purpose, scanning for human survivors below. I knew my rare moment of escapism wouldn't last long and it's a shame to waste a match so early in the night. The sweeps were more frequent lately. I liked to think it was out of desperation, that the machines were afraid that if they gave us too much time, we'd overcome them. Knowing how the Overmind functioned, it was more likely out of dedication to completeness. This sector's "reclamation" numbers were behind the others, and as it was when it was first designed, the Overmind hated inconsistency.

Y'know, in the dystopia.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I've done what I fear many of you have also done. In the course of ironically parodying people who regularly say things like brah, bro, "hashtag", totes, unforch, etc., I've ended up becoming someone who actually uses those words! I can't even. Hashtag totesawks.

I basically learned to read thanks to Garfield and Far Side comics, and have a giant box of well over 50 books in my childhood room.

I once conflated Anne Frank and Lisa Frank in casual conversation. Hashtag totesawks.

I forget names like I was paid to. My selective memory is both impressive and appalling in scope.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You are a cool cat. A frigid feline. A gelid grimalkin.

If you can come up with another valid pair of alliterative "low-temperature word" + "word for cat". Seriously, I'm stumped.

If you or someone who you trust has referred to you as cynical, snarky, sarcastic, or generally as a "misanthrope" at some point, then I will probably like you more than if that was not the case.

If you've ever felt like Liz Lemon is your spirit animal.

If you want to explore abandoned buildings together (and give me ideas of places to explore!).

You're the kind of person who would spend hours climbing a mountain to eat a really good pizza.

When someone asks if you're a god, you say "YES!"

If you write me a message with a suitably funny "I like my men like I like my _____, ______" joke, you'll definitely get a response from me.

I'm just a person probably looking for the same things you are. It's really not that complicated. Let's hike a trail, drink beer, watch a movie. It's really not that hard to have a decent time together.