Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
"Hilarious!!!!" - Rolling Stone Magazine
"Changing the bachelor game" - Roger and Ebert
"A true gentleman" - Dr. Claw
"Sexy as hell. I'd tap that..." Staff Robot
"A++!!!" - CreepersInMasks.com
"You want me to plug what???" - Quentin Tarantino
Ah, Salaam and good evening to you worthy friend. A little about
I'm right handed. This means I'm only fulfilling half of my
grasping potential. Underachiever much? I would give my left hand
to be ambidextrous.
I use to have an imaginary friend named Mr. Feeny who would post up
in the corner and talk shit to me until I cried. Man, I miss that
guy. It's true, you just don't know what you have until it's
My non imaginary friends say that my "type" of woman is one with
ADD. This seems to be the case for the most part which makes having
a relationship with them a little harder (I've found). I don't know
why and I don't know how but... I have ADD-ar.
I don't know how to enunciate. *mumble mumble toil and grumble*
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be
late-lay! Which admittedly isn't a whole lot or extremely unique.
But it's not what you do. It's how you do it, dummy.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
So many things. Blinking. Winking is a little iffy, but blinking I
got down pat. Feeding my pets. Not feeding myself. Button mashing
fighters. I don't have a clue what I'm doing.
XXXXXXXXXXXXYYYYYYYYYYYYY. Yeah deal with that combo, fool. Coming
up with AMAZING band names like Ye Scurvy Dogs, I Had Wings, Killa
Crickets on Crack, Hold the Applause... Asshole and Karma Goes
Bang! It's a pretty useless talent. Playing devil's advocate and
defending ridiculous positions to get rises out of people for my
own entertainment. Oh gods, that sounds like trolling doesn't it?
It's not... It's completely different!!!! Somehow... Shit... Now I
hate myself. Making cigarettes disappear. Capitalism. Herping and
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
are hidden from view (at least on this website). Notice something
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I like to read fantasy. Epic or urban. But I don't really think
fantasy translates too well to the screen unless you have a helluva
budget You need that Peter Jackson money to pull it off. I
gravitate towards all kinds of tragically nerdy entertainment
really. Also, I love anything done well. Mostly because it's done
well! How can you not appreciate that?
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
3. Coffee is good
5. A funny joke
6. Fucking hyperbole
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
what other people imagine their mental break might look like when
they finally snap! Personally, I see myself inexplicably stripping
in a public area and tearing down the street screaming, "I'M NOT
DOING IT RIGHT, I"M NOT DOING IT RIGHT!!!!" at the top of my lungs.
Or destroying all my property and becoming a homeless mute. I stand
on the same street corner every afternoon where I hold up a sign
like a pan handler which reads, "I'm broke :( Plz help", but I
refuse to take any money offered to me. Why won't anyone fix
WHOOPS!!!! Were we not supposed to talk about mental breaks on a
dating website? What I meant to say was ... ... erm ... CATS!!
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
All alone and one, two, three, ... seven bottles deep. Alcoholic
sounds so judgy. Call me a devout libation enthusiast!!!!!
I am pretty sure my fun muscle has deteriorated beyond all
recognition. Hell, it may not even be functional at this point
(that is not a euphemism so get your minds out of the gutter you
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I may... MAY... karate the shit out of the air pretty vigorously
when I think no one is watching. I've never taken a karate lesson,
but then again neither did Ip Man. Okay, I'm making that up, but
I'm fairly sure Bill Gates never went to college so shut up.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
GOOSE MOTHERFUCKER!!! You have been goosed, and now you must give
chase! Don't look at me dude, I didn't make the rules.
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