What can I say about myself? Well ...

Warning - I apparently look nothing like my photos, which came as a surprise to me, as it is me, they are recent and I think I look quite a bit like me. Those telling me of the disparity normally adopt that `just sniffed dog shit' look. The closest I have been given by way of an explanation is `your head is rounder' and `you look more thuggish'.

I belong to a gym but I'm definitely not a gym bunny. I have done several martial arts in the past and attained a degree of mediocrity in all of them.

I like pubs and comedy clubs, live music, eating out. I would rather sleep in a tent on a hillside than in a hotel; I like the outdoors in general: hiking, camping, travelling.

I am a militant atheist and not interested in any one who believes in astrology, God or any other man made superstition. `Agnostic' means you can't make your mind up; `spiritual' means you didn't understand your science classes at school; if you give any truck to homoeopathy, please, never breed.

I enjoy news, current affairs, philosophy, psychology, technology and rigorous debate, conversely I am crap at small talk and have little interest in chatting about the weather or where I'm going on my holidays.

I attempt cryptic crosswords, and sometimes I actually solve a clue or two.

I am stubborn and opinionated, but I can also be passionate and I am loyal. I am honest and expect the same of any partner - I would prefer to hear the truth, even if it hurts than a fabrication. Without honesty there is nothing.

The chances are I will never buy you jewellery, but, if you are the one, I will give you my life. I probably won't notice that new dress you're wearing, but I will see the warmth in your heart and the fire in your soul.

I never want to watch a soap opera, a TV reality show or talent contest.

I have two children aged 10 and 8, they live with their mother but they are a major part of my life. They are not baggage, and if you feel you might regard them as such, fair enough, but walk on by.

I wanna be a drummer in a rock band - so if you know of a band looking for a middle-aged pig skin basher (I have my own sticks), let me know. Until then I do computers and stuff.

I have an ambition to live on a boat and I'm trying to make that happen.

I play the drums not too badly and the guitar not too well. I have rediscovered that I enjoy dancing and that I'm okay at it.

I love cooking (and eating) Thai, Indian, Chinese, Mexican ... food and like discovering new spices and tastes. I'm also a weirdo veggie.

I'm dead good at sums, I can do adding, taking away and much much more!

My height.

I'm a short a***, 5'6". Size is not an issue for me, but I appreciate it is for some, so if you're looking for those inches, I'm probably not the one for you.

I start too many sentences with `I'!

I grew up in the 70s so my musical tastes were formed around the time the punk scene was emerging, so anything from the Buzzcocks, Jam, SLF, Undertones, to today's indie stuff, passing through Joy Division, James, The Wonderstuff, 2-Tone (If you know your ska: I once played in the Potato 5) ...

These days, I like anything that can evoke emotion.

I can be sometimes found dancing like a menopausal maniac to electro, trance, garage, house ... or anything with a beat to it.

My guilty musical secret: a few of the emotive C&R songs such as:
He Stopped Loving Her Today - George Jones;
Faster than the Sound of Loneliness - John Prine/Nanci Griffiths.

My not so guilty secret, because they were bloody good, is The Sweet.

Books I've recently read include:

You're Not As Smart As You Think - David McRaney;
Bad Science - Ben Goldacre;
The Prince - Niccolo Maciavelli;
The Art of War Sun Tzu;
Empire - Niall Ferguson;
Understanding Power - Noam Chomsky;
The Great Philosophers - Various;
The God Delusion - Richard Dawkins.

I also read a lot of technical/computing/science/mathematical stuff, but I won't admit to that in public.

My guilty reading secret is crappy martial arts novels by Marc Olden, Eric Van Lustbader, Robert Shea ...

I've starting rereading some of Tom Sharpes books, which still make me laugh out loud.

Food - anything hot and spicy: Indian, Thai, Chinese, Mexican, through to Japanese, Malay - or better still, something I haven't tried yet.

Bit of a silly question because humans cope with most change and loss.

The only serious thing I would miss is my kids.

Apart from that:

Water (in beer form);
Coriander;
Hope;
Friendship;
My drums.

Where did I put my wallet?
Do I believe the Incompleteness theorem?
Is life just a terminal, sexually transmitted disease?
Have I got a chance with that cute girl at the station?
Should I develop a Website, if so, about what?
Shall I cook noodles or curry tonight?
Why do people drink`Bud'?
Are we predisposed to theism? If so why?
Can I crack one off before I have to get in the shower and still get to work in time?

Having a drink with work mates;
Seeing a band;
Washing my pants;
On a hot date;
Catching up with old mates;
Sobbing into my pillow at the injustice of it all;
(Some of the above occur more often than others)

Slightly oxymoronic, but ...

That I'm honest enough to admit to having secrets, but diplomatic enough not to air them in public.

If you think we might have fun together.

It could be one night at a comedy club, a drink, it might lead to something deeper, but you have to start somewhere.

I am looking for an equal, someone with whom, together we are better than as two individuals, someone with whom being together is more important than where we are or what we are doing. Someone who I can share a laugh with, in summer have a barbeque on a beach with; in winter, a snowball fight and then warm ourselves in front in front of a real fire with a beer (or glass of wine). Someone to build dreams with.

I do not wish to offend anyone, but, I'm not looking for anyone who:

* Is more interested in texting on their phone than chatting in real life;
* Reads Hello, OK, Closer etc. magazine(s);
* Can't conjugate the verb `to be';
* Is superficial and interested in the material world.

Let's be honest, we all look at the pictures first. No matter how we try and pretend we are sophisticated and have evolved above our baser instincts, it's all arrant nonsense. No point fighting it. Nice hair and a cute ass does it for me every time.

That said, I do not want to see a picture of:

* You in your undies.
It may well be very erotic and alluring, but there is a time and place; show some discernment over your chosen audience;

* You surrounded by a menagerie of animals.
It's not that I don't like dogs, in fact I have an excellent Korean cook book, but I'm looking for a woman, not a canine refuge;

* You with all your mates.
They are probably fine and wonderful people, but I'm not looking for a job lot. Shine in your own light.

Hopefully we then scratch away the cosmetic veneer of vanity and find something of substance, something of true value underneath.

You will not get a reply if your profile is empty, or worse, just has `if you want to know anything, just ask' in it.

You will not get a reply if you ask me my star sign.

And an honorary mention goes to the person who messaged: `Hellow [sic] text me 07xxx xxxxxx'. No!