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30 Asheville, NC Woman


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I’m looking for

  • Men
  • Ages 24–35
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Yesterday – 4:03pm
5′ 9″ (1.75m)
Body Type
Full figured
Mostly anything
Trying to quit
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Virgo, and it’s fun to think about
Graduated from university
Art / Music / Writing
Strictly monogamous
Likes dogs and likes cats
English, Spanish (Poorly), French (Poorly)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Disclaimer: Any portion of this may or may not have been written while drunk/passive aggressive.

I was born and raised in Asheville and I can't live without the mountains. I get nervous if I'm in the flatlands for too long.

I appreciate someone with practical, handy knowledge - plumbing, carpentry, fire-building, mechanical, electrical. And has the patience to teach me.
And gardening! Can you garden? Then I might love you. I get great satisfaction out of being elbow-deep in dirt with the promise of a shower afterwards.

I'm normally pretty gregarious, but get a bit shy with this internet dating nonsense. If I've visited your profile 5 or 6 times, it's a good sign. Or you have a picture of an adorable puppy/kitten I can't resist.

I've got an artistic streak: writing, painting, crochet, pottery, and various unfinished DIY projects. Helping write the annual Bernstein Christmas Spectacular for The Magnetic Theatre is my favorite thing to do each year. I'm trying to get more involved in the theater as well as other writing endeavors.

I love laughing and comic books and animals and movies and pasta and adventures and mountains. Please take me on all the nature walks, I spend too much time indoors.

I have been described as "adorably enthusiastic." I say that depends on what time in the morning we're talking about.

Those all started with "I." How mundane.

Also, what I say on here isn't going to make that much of a difference. So Youtube videos it is! (Which may not show on your mobile phone and the rest of this will read like the outbursts of a pop culture crazy person. Enjoy!)

The Muppets: Bohemian Rhapsody

ps. If you want to know more about me, check out the questions section. It'd probably do to look anyway, since I've noticed the the site will frequently flag questions answered as incompatible, even though we put down the same answer.

Postscript: if you're not down with cuddles, smooches, hugs, head massages, regular massages, hand-holding, brushes of the arm, my hands in your hair all the time, or ridiculous noises when I'm content, you can go fuck off, because I'm so flippin' cuddly even I can't stand it. And luscious hair is a requirement.

Occasionally I'll try to put a disclaimer requesting dudes stop messaging me with "Wut's up" or "hows it goning" (misspellings and all), but it hasn't done a damn bit of good. Sigh.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Pride and Prejudice: Offending Lady Catherine

Update: A short play I wrote has been performed as a part of Brief Encounters, wooooooooooooo! Who's got two thumbs and is officially a paid writer? This guy!

Update Update: Am one of the writers on The 30th Annual Bernstein Family Christmas Spectacular, which is the best Christmas show in Asheville this year. Hot stuff.

Update Cubed: Re-learning how to cook for myself. BALLS.

Update Beyond Thunderdome: Was a writer for The 31st Annual Bernstein Family Christmas Spectacular, and lo it was good.

Update and the Deathly Hallows: Are you assholes ready for the next Bernstein? No, no you're not. Keep an eye on your socks if you are particularly attached to the pattern.

In all seriousness, it's been a rough couple of years, but things are finally starting to look up. Trying to keep a smile on my face, even if the rest of me doesn't quite feel like it.
The Mountain Goats - "This Year"
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Everything is Terrible: So Your Cat Wants a Massage? (my massages are magical: I have strong hands the size of ping pong paddles and sexy anatomical knowledge of the human musculature)
Can you return the favor? Because these knots in my trapezius are begging to be kneaded.

Willow: You're All Pigs (Witchcraft bacon! I'm a pretty decent cook and make a delicious burger.)

Man Cold (Poor Little Bunny) (There is no one you'd rather have nursing you back to health)

Dog whispering and discussing Batman.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Clue: Flames on the side of my face
Animal Lover (If you don't watch Wallace and Gromit movies and go "awwwwww!" at some point, you might need to reassess your priorities in life)

But in real life, I receive many compliments on my smile and my laugh. I seriously have people ask me to come to their shows for my laugh. They want to record it and make it into a track they can play if I'm not there.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Agatha Christie's Poirot, Harry Potter, Terry Pratchett and the Song of Ice and Fire books (which I always call Game of Thrones). I keep my own tiny library, but woe, move through it very slowly.

Important notation: If you're the kind of person who venerates "Atlas Shrugged," you best keep stepping.

Current comics: Saga, Rat Queens, Chew, Stuff of Legend, Hellboy, Hellblazer, Batwoman.

Current Webcomics: Questionable Content, Girls with Slingshots, Curvy, Oglaf, Bad Machinery.

100 Greatest Movie Insults

Archer, Bob's Burgers, Derek, Sherlock, Orange is the New Black, Drunk History, Key and Peele, Deadbeat, Once Upon a Time, The Hot Wives of Orlando (it's a spoof!), The Mindy Project, American Horror Story, Shameless, original The Office, Game of Thrones, Doctor Who, Community, Bridezillas (don't judge). I have an extensive MST3K vhs collection.

I've recently become obsessed with the podcast "How Did This Get Made?" and I may or may not be in love with Jason Mantzoukas.

The Dismemberment Plan - Time Bomb
OK Go - This Too Shall Pass
Tom Waits - Sea of Love
The Replacements - Unsatisfied
The Outfield - Your Love

Mouse Hunt
I, uh...I like cheese.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Kyle Kinane: Believe in Yourself

Kids in the Hall - Sex Girl Patrol

Heathers, pretty much always

Also, why does no one else like horror movies? If they're bad, they're hilarious. If they're good, terrified cuddles and comfort makeouts.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Dinner for Schmucks - Dinner Scene
Queen - I Want to Break Free
Cocktail - The World's Last Barman Poet

Falling down a superhero wikihole.

Also, I watch the sports sometimes. It'd be cool to hang with a dude that likes sports but isn't a dick about it. Do you like hockey? Because I'd really like to get into hockey.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
The Losers - Don't Stop Believing

Addendum: I have the most adorable bedhead.

After-credits Easter Egg: I don't like ginger and I'm not huge on pancakes (I'm a waffle gal). I auditioned as an extra for Patch Adams; did not receive a callback. People from Florida make me apprehensive. I talk to animals like they're going to respond back.
You should message me if
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