Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Hi, this is my first sentence about me, and 80% of you have already
left for the the block button. For those still here, I give two
truths and one lie:
I was a professional wrestler
I lived in Japan
I have legitimately beaten the NES version of Battletoads
First of all, NO! I will not help you cheat on your
boyfriend/husband/girlfriend (yes, I have gotten that last one).
Cheating is not cool and if you're going to cheat, yet stay with
whoever is prompting you to cheat, the kind of help you need, I
cannot give. Try a licensed therapist.
I'll be serious now: I work in a startup and spend my free time
playing old school video games, lifting weights (or doing the
latest insanity workout), and trying to get my book
The book is young adult, it was nominated for an award a couple
years ago and deals with a kid killing God along with battling evil
Jesus clones. I say that because while I'm not anti-religious, if
you look for a partner with similar religious views as you, I
really don't have any. Last thing I want to do is piss anyone
I don't really know what I want, or what I'm looking for, and when
i do go looking for it, I'm typically disappointed. Right now, if
you're a cool chick, who isn't in a bubble, likes decent
conversations and can hold your own in Mario Kart--I want a drink
with you. Let's see how many drinks that turns into.
If you suck...well, message me anyways. I always like varying
personalities. In fact, I'm drawn to opposites.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I think I'm at that point where I stop and say "Just where the hell
am I going?"
My dream is to be an author, my job that pays is 'alright'.I'm not
saying I'm not stable (I have no debt and I live all alone), I'm
just saying I've reached that point where I look at my life and
wonder what have I been doing and where do I want to go. It's
nothing weird of psychotic, just a different state of mind.
Regarding my book, I probably should have wrote something else, but
I'm stubborn. It's been a finalist in prestigious contests, but
since it has religious overtones (evil Jesus clones and a plot
where they 'kill God') no one really wants to take a chance on it.
For money, I work at a startup in the wedding industry. That's
really all I can say on that subject. I also write for a high
profile sports site on the 49ers, but since I don't want this
getting back to them I'm not going to just blast that out here.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I can take a stick of butter and a stick of "I cannot believe it's
not butter" Butter, close my eyes, sample each piece and identify
each one. I was given this power by aliens after I pissed them by
refusing an anal probe. They figured this would be more of a curse,
as I would desire fattening, saturated real butter and could not be
satisfied with the fake crap. I have learned to move on, but this,
like card tricks, comes in handy.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Besides my eyes and a voice that's a cross between a chain smoker
and a kid halfway through puberty.
I've also been called a badass on more than one occasion. I was
asked how I could be a badass and I didn't really have an answer.
But I do know 5 potential reasons someone, including myself, COULD
be a badass. Not me, just saying anyone could be:
1:I haven't been in many street fights.
If you have, you're probably still in middle school. Most badasses
fight, but they aren't someone who enjoys just being in fights.
Besides, you're more likely to forget someone you slept with than
someone you fought. Which is only one of the reasons I like to end
sex with an elbow drop.
2: I Have Trained in Martial Arts That Require No
If a guy needs to explain his fighting style, he's not a
3: I Know Fight Secrets Everyone Knows
Less is more for badasses. They do what everyone else does, but it
works for them.
4: I Don't Argue That This MMA Crap Is Just a "Sport"
It's two guys who want to beat the shit out of each other for
everyone's amusement. They are gladiators. If you told a gladiator
he was gladiating for sport, he'd chop your scrotum off and eat it
before killing his opponent.
5: I Don't Tell You About All the Fights I've Won
"You know what's cool? That day I put a dude in the hospital and
gave him brain damage. He'll never walk again. Shows him not to
fuck with me."
Anyone who says they kicked someone's ass could potentially be
telling that story. And they suck.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Favorite movie is Casino.
Favorite book is Dracula, reading Pillars of the Earth right
TV: Watching the Sopranos at the moment.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
There's one: Someone who I can stand who understands me.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Why has it come to this: Internet dating?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
I'm not sure exactly what I'm doing but I'm sure the night will
involve booze, handcuffs, black eyes and lots of questions to what
the hell we did on Saturday morning.
And yes, I'm a perfect saint. It's all going to be your fault. It's
not my fault, I'm perfect...you can't prove jack shit. My law team
is custom made by the Juggernaut.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You don't mind the fact I like the San Francisco 49ers.
You have nerves of steel.
You think you can actually hold your own in Mario Kart.
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.