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31 Seattle, WA Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 18–38
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Online now!
6′ 1″ (1.85m)
Body Type
Mostly other
Agnosticism, but not too serious about it
Scorpio, and it’s fun to think about
Graduated from university
Mostly monogamous
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), Japanese (Okay)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
If you're reading this, my photos weren't horrible. For those who stayed at the risk of bordom, you should know that soon, like all Earth entertainment, this profile will be replaced by Doctor Excitement's Fun Blaster, a peace-bringing combination midget generator and launcher. Until then, examine this guide to the different sections of filth:

I give you two truths and one lie

I was once a professional wrestler
I lived in Japan as a foreign exchange student
I have legitimately beaten the NES version of Battletoads

About me: I'm a bit of an extroverted introvert. I know there's some strange vocabulary word for it, but I'm not going to bother looking it up at the moment. I like to play old school video games, read books, and try to get my own published (It's alright, been nominated for awards, but still not picked up).

I do like to hit up breweries, but I'm trying to ward off alchohol for the only reason of trying to stay in shape and take care of myself. At this point your liver gets notoriously bitchy with booze, and I tend to not want to die because my liver wanted a divorce.

Besides that I do like to do random workouts and see if they work. I'm on month 2 of Insanity. Usually I do a cardio program and then heavy lifting.

Oh and the current book I'm working on was nominated for an award. A YA contemporary fantasy about a boy who goes and kills God. And Demons. And Angry Jesus clones.

Random Pat Fact: I am a ninja. Here's a video of my ninja skills.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Imagine a martial arts manuever that combines the decisive stroke of a kick with the gentle pleasure of a groin. Now imagine what man could accomplish with that power if he could harness it for a relationship. I've led you through this two step process of imagination to prepare you for this descriptive preparation: In this section, I can tell you I have dangerously modified 20th Century karate safety documents to create tales of betrayal, romance, and intrigue.

But that pays jack shit.

For money, I work at a startup in the wedding industry. Attempting to get a book published. Following my dreams even though I'm in my 30s. It's either beautiful or depressing. Take your pick.

I do want to be an author, but it's not so cute when you're 30 and trying to publish books.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
At one point I thought I was a decent writer. Nowadays I like to still think I am. I can also take a stick of butter and a stick of "I cannot believe it's not butter" Butter, close my eyes, sample each piece and identify each one. I was given this power by aliens after I pissed them by refusing an anal probe. They figured this would be more of a curse, as I would desire fattening, saturated real butter and could not be satisfied with the fake crap. I have learned to move on, but this, like card tricks, comes in handy.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Hi, this is first sentence of my third section about me, so 10% of you have already left for the the block button. After all, how can I keep your attention with a profile when my photos don't have me looking like a hunk from jersey shore?

Oh. I have to talk about me here. I have good eyes. There ya go.

See, we're gonna do the go-around. I say low-brow, lewd comments, you decide I'm interesting and want to meet me. Then, thanks to the internet, we'll do these introductions again in person. It's like meeting each other twice. In the old days, you did this TO meet up with someone later. But since Seattle doesn't let you meet people in parties and wants things to be as awkward as possible, here we are.

Only the internet could get away with this.

So with that said, I'm not going to dispense with what you'll notice about me. Besides my eyes and a voice that's a cross between a chain smoker and a kid halfway through puberty. Rather, I'm going to give you the five reasons I'm a potential badass on an internet dating profile, so you can decide on at least one positive before we meet. Please note, I am not saying I'm a badass (I think I'm a ninja) but I do think this reasoning makes you wonder if I possibly could. Badasses don't self-gloss. They let others decide that title for them:

1:I haven't been in many street fights.

If you have, you're probably still in middle school. Most badasses fight, but they aren't someone who enjoys just being in fights. Besides, you're more likely to forget someone you slept with than someone you fought. Which is only one of the reasons I like to end sex with an elbow drop.

2: I Have Trained in Martial Arts That Require No Explanation

If a guy needs to explain his fighting style, he's not a badass.

3: I Know Fight Secrets Everyone Knows

Less is more for badasses. They do what everyone else does, but it works for them.

4: I Don't Argue That This MMA Crap Is Just a "Sport"

It's two guys who want to beat the shit out of each other for everyone's amusement. They are gladiators. If you told a gladiator he was gladiating for sport, he'd chop your scrotum off and eat it before killing his opponent.

5: I Don't Tell You About All the Fights I've Won

"You know what's cool? That day I put a dude in the hospital and gave him brain damage. He'll never walk again. Shows him not to fuck with me."

Anyone who says they kicked someone's ass could potentially be telling that story. And they suck.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Favorite movie is Casino.

Favorite book is Dracula, reading Pillars of the Earth right now.

Food: Italian.

TV: Watching the Sopranos at the moment.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
There's one: Someone who I can stand who understands me.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Why has it come to this: Internet dating?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
I'm not sure exactly what I'm doing but I'm sure the night will involve booze, handcuffs, blackeyes and lots of questions to what the hell we did on Saturday morning.

And yes, I'm a perfect saint. It's all going to be your fault. It's not my fault, I'm can't prove jack shit. My law team is custom made by the Juggernaut.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I read Twilight
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
If you have cool/hot piercings. I have a piercing fettish.

You don't mind the fact I like the San Francisco 49ers.

You have nerves of steel.

You think you can actually hold your own in Mario Kart.