BLACKGUARD, n. A man whose qualities, prepared for display like a box of berries in a market -- the fine ones on top -- have been opened on the wrong side. An inverted gentleman.

That's about enough of a self-summary, says I.

About the best thing going for me right now is The F-Bomb.
The F-Bomb is a Tacoma/Seattle based zine created by a friend of mine, Tina the Editor. I have a few random articles I write every issue along with my advice column "What the F-Bomb?" where I will attempt to answer any question, regardless of how inane it is. Examples from previous issues: "How do I covertly kill my neighbor's tree?" and "What does it mean if I am having hermaphroditic dreams?"
Writing is extremely cathartic for me, and it is nice to be a part of something like this, to be part of a shared creation like a zine.

Conversation, writing bad short stories, illustrative art, flash art, most strategy games, and humour. I play D&D and other RPGs, because I am a nerd, and I like to think I am damned good at it. I am very good at finding my way in the mountains or forest, as these are my favourite places to be. I am completely inept at all of the following: working on cars, appliances, most computer issues, air-conditions, the world, and, oddly enough, poker.
I am, however, a bleedin' master at stating the obvious.

The first thing someone notices about me usually depends on what mood I am in, where I am at, and whether or not I feel like being there.
If I am meeting new people who will be potential friends, then people probably notice that I am a rather cheerful person under the beard. If I am forced to go to Walmart on a busy day, people there notice that I am large and look like I am ready to tear someone's arms off and beat that person to death with them. This helps keep people out of my way.

I will read almost anything handed to me, but I lean toward Historical Fiction, Fantasy/Sci-fi, Humour, Sociological, Philosophy, or Theoretical. In movies I like old comedies and graphic novel style actions, but anything that entertains is... Entertaining. Three of the greatest movies ever are "The Blues Brothers", "Willow", and "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum". When it comes to music I am both esoteric and limited. I like metal when it is understandable, techno when it's not boring, industrial when it's not techno, classic & outlaw country, nerdcore, some folk singers or blue-grass,pirate rap like Captain Dan and the Scurvy Crew, almost anything with bag-pipes and/or choral chanting, and classical music. Also classic rock. I despise standard rap, (and it's sub-culture: gang-bangers irritate me), modern country (when I was little, cowboys were tough. None of this "tears-from-the-heavens-cry-me-a-river" nonsense), hip-hop (frankly, it mostly sounds like rap to me), and anything that might be played in an elevator.

Vegetables are not a food- they are what food eats. If it might have had a name at any time, I will eat it. If it had a face, I will eat it. I'm omnivorous, but not very good at it. I'm far more happy being carnivorous.

Six things, eh? Never do without... Ah! I could not do without: Conversation, books, Mountain Dew, internal organs, friends, and the freedom to think as I please.

Anything. I think about a lot of random and useless things. I am perfectly content to sit and contemplate how sailors came up with the knots they use. I am always thinking about something... Sometimes it's even relevant.

(edited at a later date: I wonder if all culture's sea going folk thought of the same knots, or if they were specialized? Did the knots appear out of nowhere? Accidental? Racial instinct? Is there a book about it? What about the Greeks? Would an Athenian sailor use a knot thought of by the Argives?)

(edited at an even later date, again: I've come to the tenuous conclusion that the knots developed could have easily been done so by nations around the world because they are the most efficient way of doing things. Besides, sailors would naturally encounter more cultures and ways of knot tying then, say, your average rutabaga farmer.)

Typical?
Friday?
... Half the time I don't even realize it's Friday. I do what I happen to be doing, whatever day of the week it is.

I am deeply suspicious about the usefulness of having this profile. It's like reaching into a sack full of marbles without looking and hoping you pull out the one marble that is green.
I also figure it doesn't matter, as my bio is ridiculously long winded so no one is likely to read very far past it, and if anyone messages me it will likely because they looked at my pictures as opposed to learning a tiny little bit about who I am (and believe you me, what is on here is only a tiny little bit. Anyone who can fully describe themselves on a page like this is either under ten years old, or has never truly tried to live).

I am here primarily for making friends. I'm not shopping for meat. If I meet someone and all goes well and such, that is great. But friends first.

Message me if anything I said made the slightest bit of sense to you.