Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Competitive people baffle and worry me, so I tend to avoid Monopoly
and cockfights. Seriously. Watching people get really intense about
board games freaks me the fuck out. But I think you should always
cheat at Monopoly.
I love language. Words. Foreign languages. Witticisms. Quips.
Literature. Grammar. Sociolinguistics. Linguistic anthropology.
Cognitive linguistics. Etymology. Language should be handled with
reverence and joy and dizzying passion and whimsy. I like to hang
out with other linguistics nerds who understand my excitement when
I exclaim, "OH MY GOD Romanian retained a case system!"
Seeing the Nook station at Barnes&Noble makes me really
anxious. So I avert my eyes.
Once a month I get really hyper and bake for 7 hours. Wanna learn
how to make tea-infused butter? Awkwardly, I don't actually like
dessert food, so I'm left with a dozen mini peach and brie pies
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
observing my dog as she becomes increasingly codependent.
taking superfluous language classes.
vaccinating dogs. fending off cats.
deluding myself with a revisionist history of my time in
wondering how long I can conceivably put off facing the next 50
years of my life without going to law school. I considered it as a
viable option until I realized that $200,000 and 3 years of agony
is an awfully big investment just to avoid choosing a career.
watching in bemused horror as my eating habits deteriorate even
further than I could have imagined was possible.
being consumed with guilt about my shoe addiction. or rather,
blithely acknowledging said addiction and then promptly justifying
my unnecessary purchases.
curating my petite home library.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
staying up late.
asking for directions but forgetting to listen to the answer.
making french toast.
savaging people for borrowing my books and not returning them. (I
will shank you)
also possess notable Forgetting To Eat skills, Reading All Day
skills, and, whenever possible, Dancing With Wild Abandon skills.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
"My she naps a lot." Followed by, "Did you just wake up?!?"
I compulsively add unnecessary information parenthetically (brevity
isn't the soul of shit).
I sing a lot. Who needs talent when you have an iPod, a french
press, and unbridled enthusiasm!
Half of my diet is comprised of burgers and fries. Another quarter
is coffee. The rest is about evenly divided between fro-yo and
children's gummy vitamins.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
“After a couple of hours of Career Promoting, I felt certain that I
would live a long, lonely, useless life and die alone and unmissed
(did I mention that I never bothered filling out any grad-school
applications?). It’s self-indulgent, I know, but this is what
happens to the overachieving but essentially useless children of
parents who raised their children to do well on tests but failed to
equip them with the poison-tipped spurs of true ambition.” (how
“A word means something; despite the maunderings of the
lexicographers, it does not mean whatever you want it to
"The world inside myself is vaster and richer than this paltry
plane, peopled with mere galaxies and gods."
"Just goes to show, we don't know shit about fungi."
"Lover much missed, my Where, my Why, my How. I wanna do you like
all three dudes in Blue Man Group 'cause that's what color my balls
are right now."
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
bright red lipstick.
the illusory promise of fall.
life is pretty miserable when I forget to charge my iPhone. I guess
I could live without it, but really, why would I do such a thing?
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
a) the current location of my chapstick (god only knows).
b) when being health conscious and waking up early became
I Am So Wise"
, "Why I Am So Clever"
"Why I Write
Such Good Books"
, "Why I Am
f) how frustrating and sad music snobbery is.
g) coffee. how I can get someone to go buy me coffee. how much
coffee is contributing to my insomnia.
h) why I'm not currently dancing?
i) prescriptivism vs. descriptivism
i) "wasn't I supposed to be drunk for my early 20s?" when I was
actually in my early 20s it was, "wasn't I supposed to be out of
control during my teens?" I'm sensing a troubling pattern here.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
in bed reading, vaguely thinking about how I should be out doing
passed out after a week of sleep deprivation.
at home with my dog drinking slightly more scotch than is
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Sometimes I use oddly anachronistic expressions (see "ill-bred"
below), because I read them so often during my teenage Victorian
romance novel phase. Stop judging me. I was 16.
I can't point out anything on a map if it's smaller or more
ambiguously shaped than Texas. Seriously. It's a real failing. I
try, but I just don't have the memory/spatio-visual imagination for
geography. Like, I hear "Yemen" and draw a complete visual blank.
Then, mortified, I google image a world map. Two days later, I hear
"Yemen"...oh fuck it. I have only a vague idea of where Kansas is.
That is to say, it's not on a coast, so how can I possibly be
expected to remember?
I'm unusually patient, but it seems so unlikely that it takes most
people years to notice.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
you flinch when people make glaring grammatical errors, but would
never be so ill-bred as to correct them. (seriously. that's rude.
don't be a dick.) you speak a foreign language or give a fuck about
an oxford comma.
you understand the intricacies involved in the care and taming of
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