The Creative Arts
Cerebral NON!! PC banter
Cerebral Interconnect [ Discussion of Thomas Aquinas : 'Summa Theologica ' scores highly as does love of Chaucer's ' Canterbury Tales '... And if you have an interest in Rousseau, ...... Frankly, our Match was made in Heaven!
Sex.... Applied, please. Not Cyber.
And or Football[ Men's and Women's ]
And meeting? Like the divine Jane Austen's Miss Anne Elliot met Captain Frederick Wentworth.... ' Suddenly. And without warning...'? Seemingly she was smitten. And experienced extreme and uncontrollable palpitations in her bodice. And became vexatious and unnecessary elsewhere! [ ie beneath her Bustle ] OK. So just to be clear; its the ' elsewhere ' I am interested in. And for the Essex Girls who may have managed to struggle this far, I will translate : 'Ere 'Chell. Clock that fuckin' Looker!!Eye Candy or wot!? That a six pack or do I needs t' visit Specsavers? Jeeese I wanna juice ma kecks!! '.
Or, is looking for what in technical terms is ' A Mills and Boon cocoa and slippers relationship '; with added benefits, ie Walks in the woods..... Holding hands. Possible Matrimony!?....etc ' Please jump ship now. While recalling the wondrous
words of the fourth century Patriarch, Theodosius of Cappadocia, ' Stupid men get certified. Stupid women get married '. [ Or was it Groucho Marx? Someone like that ].
I'm emphatically NOT the one.
I intend to have my five minutes of fun and go to meet my erstwhile Maker [ No. Not God. More likely a funny looking fella with two horns and a tail ] fully accomplished and refreshed. I am therefore seeking a determined, serious, amoral, serial, career sexual predator and a true JEZEBEL; with train stopping legs; and a billion dollar brain. ' For when Jehu was come, Jezebel blushed her face, painted her lips, plaited her hair; and looked out her window '. [ Kings 9.30 ]. Minimum seven inch killer stilettos; naughty shorty skirt and black seamed stockings weren't mentioned in the Bible but nonetheless go down well with me. As also does a Nobel Prize for Literature and a willingness to engage in discussion of Boethius : The Consolation of Philosophy. In the original late Roman Latin text. With Footnotes.
Its so bothersome. You can't get a reliable Jezebel these days. I blame The Sisters and all their silly blether of Feminism. All I want is a decent Jez! Its not too much to ask. Women can be so unreasonable!
If, however, you are a Manchester United supporter, scrub the above. Stuff it. You are forgiven everything - Genocide? Being a Tory?....Whatever. I want to marry you!!! But if you are rude, impertinent, or disparaging towards God's Eleven, such blasphemy will mean we can never be friends. Indeed I will go further. WARNING! I am unlikely to give my full participatory absorption to any form of Theatre; Drama; TV; Film; etc, unless it involves twenty two men; a ball; and goalposts at opposite ends.
Also I am highly unlikely to relate to any creature who has any interest in Soaps...Text Gobbledygook; The Game of Thrones; or Play Station; Membership of The Sisters; is a Millenarian Vegan; or obsessed with Saving the Whale. Or worse a woman who wears underwear instead of Lingerie. Been there. Spectacular mistake. Recall the wise words of Mae West when asked to distinguish between Good and Bad Girls : ' Good Girls wear underwear and always put it on. Bad Girls wear lingerie and always take it off. And Hey! Guess what?...... Bad Girls always have more fun !' In fact why women wear knickers at all is a complete mystery to me. [ Why put on what any Real Woman intends taking off as soon as possible? ] As we know most pretend women are unerringly PC and if we are to believe our Brothers and Sisters in Gaia, our Mother Earth, [ And Caroline Lucas ], we must take a leaf from the Papuala Tree and reconnect with our Sisters from such as the Yanumama Tribe of Papua, New Guinea. Their womenfolk wore grass skirts to protect them from the heat. But nothing else. It was considered an insult to Wakkiwaki Waka turi, God of Fertility, to deny his ' entry '. Quite simply wearing knickers makes you infertile. Quite right too. Actually, if you think about it, there is a grain of truth in that. We can all learn a lesson from ancient peoples we in the affluent West are so apt to lampoon. As The Greens rightly remind us. Good on The Greens!! I like The Greens. Except when they speak from the Planet Zog. What we need is more Yanumama Women on the streets of Basildon of a Friday night!....... Er... On reflection, forget it. There are already enough Yanumama women on the streets of Basildon of a Friday night.
Good. Got that off my chest. If nothing else, I am nothing if not honest.
Any takers? Hmmmm. Thought not. The problem with websites such as these is they tend to reflect the lowest common denominator of the soppy unadventurous . Hey Ho. Never mind. Least its free.
So now.... Here's the Long Version for women who are less impulsive. And who are more accustomed to ploughing through the works of Charles Dickens; Proust; Tolstoy; etc. Before going ahead, however, to reinforce my principles, I shall take solace in my favourite quotation : ' Not all stupid people are Tories. But all Tories are stupid people '. J. S. Mill.
I am not at all sure about all this ' Profile ' lark. I reckon I could get as good a response walking round Elephant Green/ Grantchester [ where I live ] with a Sandwich Board. No matter. If any woman wants to drop me a line I promise to respond with more than one line, in recognisable English and with ' such wit as would quick'st unbutton, thee, Madam '. [ Webster ] Actually if you are keen on dropping other things, simply text me ' Yes. Now, Please '. Well. Hopefully.
Getting divorced. My wife has found Jesus. Sorry. In case you think you have misread that, I will repeat. My wife has found Jesus. Remember him? Christmas? Had a spot of bother with a Cross? Father was Creator of the Universe? Ring any [ church ] bells? And he rates ahead of me. Well, he would, wouldn't he given what he has going for him. Mind, if I stood to inherit the universe I would try to make sure my old man made a better fist of it. Separation perfectly amicable.
Profile? In a nutshell? One kind - and satisfied - lady described me as ' a heterosexual Stephan Fry '. I rather like that. I would have preferred Don Giovanni, but he came to a sticky end. And I don't fancy dating Statues. Mind, I haven't much time for Fatty Fry. Overweight; over educated; over exposed, all over my TV screen know all Oxbridge Poofta with an irritating grin like Bagpuss on heat!!And, would you believe it, A NORWICH CITY!!! supporter!! [ Who in their right mind supports Norwich City!!? ] OK; OK I am Cambridge too...I am open to the same ,,, But I am slim.. And desirable!! And not a faggot!
And as another lady reminded me, whilst having a little dig at the predictable female clientele of this otherwise excellent site : ' Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is beyond rubies '....... [ Proverbs. 31:10. for the churchgoers out there ]. Trouble is I'm not really interested in virtuous women. Boring. If I wanted to date a nun I'd visit Martin Luther's website. I've had enough of virtuous women and am all virtued out. I want to claim my five minutes of fun. I want a temptress...a mischevious little She- Devil by the tail. By the way I wonder how many can recall Andy Worhol's full quote...? ' Five minutes of fun...Fifteen minutes of fame..... And fifty five minutes of freedom...!?' Think about it.....
Quintessentially, whatever I say elsewhere : Want to chat and possibly share a date with any women. Need some female companionship, see. I love women. I've found they are different from men. Really. Yes. Really. Sadly, I now have come to admit I know so very few of the alluring and fascinating creatures with whom we men share this planet.[ Alongside our furry friends ]. OK. OK....So I do know rather more than a few.... In truth I know a lot....In fact, a great many...But not the type I want to know!! If you get my drift. I want to know women....you know...You know what I mean......Like... You know...Like women men like to know...Like a certain type of woman....Like... a woman who goes out after dark. Professionally. Ooooohhh you know what I mean....Like sort of... a fallen...? BAD!! Woman! In fact if I am truthful,..... I want a very Bad woman. The Badder the better! In fact........an experienced and expert SINNER and ADULTRESS!!! In fact I want...,,,,,,,,,,,a voracious, determined, practised, insatiable, ..........DELILAH! Yes.The Holy Grail of male fantasy herself : Donna Giovanni!!? a...**!XXXX!***......!^^^****!!!!!!!!! [Ooooooooooh you naughty Boy!! THE MODERATORS . Censored by site! Triple X!...OVER 18s ONLY..xxx! ].... Puts me in mind of the matchless Mae West in a film, I think it was with Ronald Coleman? ' I only stays married to you, you jerk, so's I can enjoy Adultery!!'.... Priceless! Now there's a REAL woman!! That's the kind I want!
Sorry... Just joking. I can't resist a tease..But I do want a woman who thinks sex rates above shopping for shoes. [ Actually, when I think about it, there are a good many women who think Sex really is Shopping for Shoes ]. Fine, I appreciate such a want rules out around ninety nine per cent of the female population, but hope springs eternal in the human breast.....And yes I do know that these days ' Sisters are doing for themselves!' All I can say about that is while, sadly, it may disappoint genuine males like me, looking on the bright side it must be most welcome news to all working in the manufacture and distribution of Vibrators. I realise that I am in danger of pulling the Temple of Dagon down on my head risking the wrath of The Sisters [ Feminist Jihadists ] making light of their new found independance. I can only fall upon my knees to my Creator and beg he spare me from Angry Women. Notably The Sisters.
Seriously...By BAD, I rather mean FALLEN - below the standards expected of Ladies. Enticing; indisputeably, very, very, unmistakably female and just a touch......dangerous; rather ...than, say, evil. There is a distiction, as anyone who knows the story of Adam and Eve will appreciate. Eve got a bad press. OK. She was a tad dippy, but that serpent has questions to answer and certainly did not behave like a gentleman... Conclusion? Ladies, : Don't take advice from talking snakes! Regrettably, women the world over have not learnt this lesson even to this day and probably beyond...
Having said that, reading my profile, by the way, comes with a health warning. If you do not comprehend fully the meaning of the undervalued words ' facetious '; and ' capricious ', you should heed the words of Butler Yeats, engraved on his tombstone : ' Cast a cold eye... and, Horseman, pass by '. For what it is worth and for anyone who may be remotely interested, I tend to gravitate towards women who appear to have something of the mutinous minx about them; bubbly; effervescent; intellectually curious and the equal of her partner; challenging ; wickedly ambivolent and keen to explore what Andrew Marvell, ' the Cavalier ', called ' the rapture of concupiscence '. In short, I am much more likely to contact or respond at length to those with an obvious streak of the Mermaid, or Siren rather than someone rather more frosty and judgemental; not to mention those who raise a monumental yawn by showering the world with excruciating, toe curling cliches......' Walks on the beach....Nights in......Romantic meals for two....' PASS ME THE SICK BAG, PRONTO...!!! I say this to spare any such latter spending her precious time ploughing any further through my profile. In short the woman with whom I am most likely to connect emphatically does not use the space between her ears for keeping goldfish and is likely to take a pragmatic rather than an overly romanticised view of life. One who may be described in the eighteenth century [now deemed sexist ] parlence of Brinsley Sheridan's Squire Sir Anthony Absolute as..:
' ...a dash devilsh lively filly!, B' dammie, Sirrah! Frollicks fit to tempt the wrath of God and kicks like a Coach horse..!! And duce'd handsome too, Sir. B' Gad...! But ain't she handsome...! Devilish handsome! I shall have her broken in my stables, and ride her bareback to Framlingham Fair, Sirrah! See to it if I do not!'..... [ The Rivals ]. And, to please The Sisters amongst you, he also gave all males the world over sound advice when he declared ' A man, Sir, takes a wife for property and procreation. For his pleasure, Sir,....... he takes a comely Mistress '....Ahhhhh! The good old days. When men were men. And women were glad of it!
Any who feel they fall into this catagory, do please get in touch. You will not be disappointed. As for those who don't, may I suggest your time may be better spent on others less adventurous; or a year's subscription to ' The Mills and Boon Magazine '. Also, if you don't mind, I can get on without humourless, po faced, proscriptive, seventeenth century millenarian, evangelical, Fifth Monarchy, fundamentalist, vegetarian, save the whale tree huggers and troglodites and divers other manifestations of modern day Puritan zealots, lecturing and hectoring me. Still less do I want to hear from any paid up member of The Sisters. Their only reason for contacting me would be to inveigle themselves into my trust to learn of my address so that they can come round and kill me. Listening to such is good only for putting one to sleep. Indeed I tend to think one dimensional people of whatever gender or persuasion, congenitally deranged; deluded; and in some cases delinquent. And yes I do know the Arctic Ice Cap is melting. Bloody good job too! Its freezing up there. Take my word, I've been.
Oh yes. I forgot to add. I'm not very PC. So, pleeeeeese, please, please don't automatically class me as a ' Player '!! That truly dreadful, hackneyed, worn out and insulting feminist Politically Correct cliche some women and all The Sisters have for any male who does not conform to how they think men should behave and particularly if they don't fit neatly with preconceptions. In my book a ' 'Player ' is one of eleven heroes who take the field at the' Theatre of Dreams ' each matchday to play ' The Beautiful Game ' and has little or no meaning beyond that. Whenever I am asked ' Do you like Sport? I think instinctively of Football. And when I think of Football, I think of the Premiership. And, of course, when I think of the Premiership, I, naturally, think of MANCHESTER UNITED!! So when I am asked Do I like Sport? I think I am being asked ' Do you like Manchester United.........WAS MOSES A JEW!? Doesn't EVERYONE!!?
Lastly, as I notice a good few women that populate this site are animal lovers, the positive news is that I am also a keen, devoted animal lover. Particularly, I am particularly keen and devoted to cooking and eating them. Sadly, despite being brought up on a farm, I am of the opinion that animals belong [ and are happiest ] in the wild. Not in the living room. Or worse, in a woman's shoulder bag. I belong to the RSPB. Birds are good guys They stay up in the sky and don't go shitting, shagging, stinking, snoring and shedding their hair all over the house and shredding the furniture. Not to mention getting stroked and slobbered on constantly. Usually by women. Its amazing how many women who don't have children have dogs!! I once knew a lady who had no kids but had FIVE dogs, called David; Michael; Andrew; Matthew and Elizabeth!!? Make of that what you will.
There now. How did I do? Whatever else you think of my Profile, it IS an honest and accurate portrayal of how I see myself.