Getting divorced. My wife has found Jesus. Sorry. In case you think you have misread that, I will repeat. My wife has found Jesus. Remember him? Christmas? Cross? Creator of the Universe? Ring any bells? [ Forgive me. Was he lost? ] And he rates ahead of me. Well, he would, wouldn't he given what he has going for him. Mind, if I owned the universe I would try to make a beter fist of it. Perfectly amicable.
Profile? In a nutshell? One kind - and satisfied - lady described me as ' a hetrosexual Stephan Fry '. I rather like that, though I would have preferred Don Giovanni. He came to a sticky end. And I don't fancy dating Statues. I haven't much time for Fatty Fry. Overweight; over educated; over exposed, all over my TV screen know all Oxbridge Poofta with an irritating grin like Bagpuss on heat!! OK; OK I am Cambridge too...I am open to the same ,,, But I am slim.. And desirable!! And not a faggot!
And as another lady reminded me, whilst having a little dig at the predictable female clientele of this otherwise excellent site : ' Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is beyond rubies '....... [ Proverbs. 31:10. for the churchgoers out there ]. Trouble is I'm not really interested in virtuous women. Boring. If I wanted to date a nun I'd visit Martin Luther's website. I've had enough of virtuous women and am all virtued out. I want to claim my five minutes of fun. I want a temptress...a mischevious little She- Devil by the tail. By the way I wonder how many can recall Andy Worhol's full quote...? ' Five minutes of fun...Fifteen minutes of fame..... And fifty five minutes of freedom...!?' Think about it.....
Quintessentially, whatever I say elsewhere : Want to chat with any women. Need some female companionship, see. I love women. I've found they are different from men. Really. Yes. Really. Sadly, I now have come to admit I know so very few of the alluring and fascinating creatures with whom we men share this planet. OK. OK....So I do know rather more than a few.... In truth I know a lot....In fact, a great many...But not the type I want to know!! If you get my drift. I want to know women....you know...You know what I mean......Like... You know...Like women men like to know...Like a certain type of woman....Like... ooooohhh you know what I mean....Like sort of... a fallen...? BAD!! Woman! In fact if I am truthful,..... I want a very Bad woman. The Badder the better! In fact........a serial SINNER and ADULTRESS!!! In fact I want...,,,,,,,,,,,a serious, career.....JEZEBEL! Yes a...**!XXXX!***......!^^^****!!!!!!!!! [Ooooooooooh you naughty Boy!! [ THE MODERATORS ] Censored by site! Triple X!...OVER 18s ONLY..xxx! ].... Puts me in mind of the matchless Mae West in a film, I think it was with Ronald Coleman? ' I only stays married to you, you jerk, so's I can enjoy Adultery!!'.... Priceless! Now there's a REAL woman!! That's the kind I want!
Sorry... Just joking. I can't resist a tease..But I do want a woman who thinks sex rates above shopping and shoes. Fine, I appreciate that rules out around ninety nine per cent of the female population, but hope springs eternal in the human breast.....
Seriously...By BAD, I mean enticing; indisputeably, very, very, unmistakably female and just a touch......dangerous; rather ...than evil. There is a distiction, as anyone who knows the story of Adam and Eve will appreciate. Eve got a bad press. OK. She was a tad dippy, but that serpent has questions to answer and certainly did not behave like a gentleman... Conclusion? Ladies, : Don't take advice from talking snakes! Regrettably, women the world over have not learnt this lesson even to this day and probably beyond...
Having said that, reading my profile, by the way, comes with a health warning. If you do not comprehend fully the meaning of the undervalued words ' facetious '; and ' capricious ', you should heed the words of Butler Yeats : ' Cast a cold eye... and, Horseman, pass by '. For what it is worth and for anyone who may be remotely interested, I tend to gravitate towards women who appear to have something of the mutinous minx about them; bubbly; effervescent; intellectually curious and the equal of her partner; challenging ; wickedly ambivolent and keen to explore what Andrew Marvell, ' the Cavalier ', called ' the rapture of concupiousness '. In short, I am much more likely to contact or respond at length to those with an obvious streak of the Mermaid, or Siren rather than someone rather more frosty and judgemental; not to mention those who raise a monumental yawn by showering the world with excruciating, toe curling cliches......' Walks on the beach....Nights in......Romantic meals for two....' PASS ME THE SICK BAG, PRONTO...!!! I say this to spare any such latter spending her precious time ploughing any further through my profile. In short the woman with whom I am most likely to connect emphatically does not use the space between her ears for keeping goldfish and is likely to take a pragmatic rather than an overly romanticised view of life. One who may be described in the eighteenth century [now deemed sexist ] parlence of Brinsley Sheridan's Squire Sir Anthony Absolute as..:
' ...a dash devilsh lively filly!, B' dammie, Sirrah! Frollicks fit to tempt the wrath of God and kicks like a Coach horse..!! And duce'd handsome too, Sir. B' Gad...! But ain't she handsome...! Devilish handsome! I shall have her in my stable, Sirrah! See to it if I do not!'..... [ The Rivals ]. And, to please the Feminists amongst you, he also gave all males the world over sound advice when he declared ' A man, Sir, takes a wife for property and procreation. For his pleasure, Sir,....... he takes a comely Mistress '....Ahhhhh! The good old days. When men were men. And women were glad of it!
Any who feel they fall into this catagory, do please get in touch. You will not be disappointed. As for those who don't and particularly those who are looking for what in technical language may be termed, ' a cocoa and slippers ' relationship ', may I suggest your time may be better spent on others less adventurous; or a year's subscription to ' The Mills and Boon Magazine '.
Oh yes. I forgot to add. I'm not very PC. So, pleeeeeese, please, please don't automatically class me as a ' Player '!! That truly dreadful, hackneyed, worn out and insulting term some women have for any male who does not conform to how they think men should behave and particularly if they don't fit neatly with preconceptions. In my book a ' 'Player ' is one of eleven heroes who take the field at the' Theatre of Dreams ' each matchday to play ' The Beautiful Game ' and has little or no meaning beyond that. Whatever else you think of my Profile, it IS an honest and accurate portrayal of how I see myself.