nutshell 1: the primary aim of this profile is to keep track of attempts at introspection, not to socialise (hence the jumbly blabber). it's pretty much a very vaguely ordered bunch of memorable quotes, personal reminders and bits from conversations. my journal is more reader-friendly and up to date. enjoy <3

user: "I'd distill your requirements for a good relationship down to two. Constancy and Discretion. Why clutter things up so much?"
me: addressing subjectivity. :)
user: "do elaborate, miss"
me: people have individual understandings of "constancy and discretion", and i like being clear about where i stand. this stuff is my version of "hints on how to get your needs/interests met without being a dick." having it written down 1)makes it easier for me to remember, stick to and/or modify, since i like a lot of consistency in character; 2)makes things easier to explain or meaningfully/constructively discuss with others; and 3)gives others more responsibility for having realistic expectations of me and our relationship. i've put lots of things out from the start so there's less room for presumption.

nutshell 2: i like happiness, learning, teaching and win-win or no-loss/no-gain situations. i tend to think thoroughly, but very much like being direct and practical. i'm studying childcare and enjoying it. i'm still somewhat obsessed with analysing self-concepts, how they affect people's lives, how they're created and dispelled/replaced. click here for my personal philosophy on children and my role as a carer. The general gist is my life plan, so far. (Summary: I believe in treating children as people from the start – that is, with respect, dignity and a constructive attitude... I hope my efforts will result in a lively, fulfilled, diverse and cooperative bunch.")

nutshell 3: well, i used to be a pretty boring and uninspired person with an average but not-so-great character, then i decided i didn't like my life so focussed on rebuilding/discovering my core beliefs for 2-3 years (i.e. had a very early mid-life crisis and used this profile to deal with it), and now i feel good enough to start being social irl again and getting fun hobbies. edit: i have taken up breakdancing, martial arts and volunteering at a nursing home. ^^

i am open to friendship. i'm happy not looking for more at this stage, and would like to be in contact with a similar crowd. i really enjoy childcare because it provides ample opportunity to be creative and caring and in the moment. i also appreciate the fact that it forces me to be simple and practical. i'd like peer relationships to do the same, as well as satisfy my deeper sides. i want to live and enjoy my life, but i'm also a person who loves seeing and understanding and talking about 'life', 'happiness', 'personal growth/fulfillment' and people.

i wouldn't count myself as argumentative by nature, by far; i am very understanding, compassionate and even long-suffering sometimes. however, there's some shit i really shouldn't and really don't want to put up with. if you want sex, 'romance' or someone to whinge to, i will be very clear about my requirements. otherwise, i'm not anal/pedantic.

i am civil and polite, and will be patient unless you're pushy or really aren't trying to understand my perspective before rejecting it. and i am very open to anything that could be interpreted as constructive criticism, regardless of how it's put across.

ftr, i am not misanthropic. i also dislike the idea of being misanthropic. so, as another disclaimer: i realise that the "i will only love you if" part may be somewhat condescending; it may make me seem cynical because a lot of it is directed at things i do not want. however: i'm pretty optimistic and am only interested in getting the good stuff, thanks. some frustration is fine, but often being condescending and self-pitying about how 'everything and everyone else is so despicable/stupid/pitiable/alien/hard to understand/etc' will annoy me.

btw, probably to the credit of my sanity, i quite fully realise that i have been and am still somewhat insane inside, and this is one reason i am highly opposed to romantic relations. however, i am willing to accept the idea that my over-analysing may have been a fair reaction to events which caused emotional distress, and that it was probably the best option given the circumstances and who i was. i am getting out there and sorting through how being highly intellectual/paranoid about things is no longer a necessary or productive defense mechanism. i also introspect to eliminate the causes of emotional instability. overall, i have reached a stage where i am very appreciative of myself and the part i play in day-to-day interactions.

i was also just thinking, since being prompted by a message:

i don't think i'm the most verbose person on this site; the people who are more verbose usually spend their time commenting in journals, etc. it only seems that i write a lot because what i bother to type is quite personal, and collected in my profile/journal for my personal reflection.

it has been gradually accumulated and (re)edited since 2007, with the things i don't have issues with not being recorded, since they don't need improvement. they are simply enjoyed, appreciated and let go of. this may give a skewed perception of me.

irl, i'm comfortable talking a lot, not at all or somewhere in between. i'm flexible, and joke around more often than not. i do however dislike (prolonged) mindless/gap-filling chatter, though this is sometimes different from small talk.

for those who don't need the next part, you may click here! for a description of who i am as an everyday person. for those who do:

if i message you, then reading about me is optional. but if you message me first, i will assume you'd have skimmed a fair bit of this and implicitly agreed to WANT me to voice my honest opinions about you/your ideas/our relationship.

i've left my profile in all its glory so that people have more reason to believe my mind and heart are generally in the right place. i have also engaged in rigorous, aggressive self-analysis to quite fully incorporate most of the stuff in my profile into who and how i am.

therefore, please don't take personal offense, and i should hope that if you message me, you'd think i were perceptive and level-headed enough to have an opinion worth digesting -- especially when i challenge 'you'. if one interpretation of what i'm saying seems ridiculous, give me some credit, explore other interpretations, reflect on possible evidence for my claims and meet me halfway.

however, it's not about pleasing or appeasing me; your passion for truth, fairness and not being counter-productive should motivate you to self-reflect on what MAY be a slightly more objective/sound view. i'm not being hypocritical, and seeing things this way is vital if we're going to relate meaningfully.

“They danced down the streets like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I've been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!"”

i can have fun with heaps of people, but those i REALLY love and keep close to me meet these criteria (ftr, i generally like myself and my company):

- you (think you'll) enjoy your time with me, and make the best of each moment. everything listed below is aimed at helping this.

- you have a passion and want to share how you see the things you love. my main passion is understanding people, bringing out their good sides and sharing the experiences we find meaningful. i want everything i do to help bring happiness, genuine peace and/or personal growth. in terms of activities however, this is very vague, and there are waaaay too many "maybe" options. one reason for making friends is to help counter my current lack of direction. edit: bgirl in training. waaaat.

when it comes to games, i am very simple. i've basically loved beating or blowing shit up, then being rewarded with shiny/expensive loot and large amounts of experience. i have had brief (and sometimes mildly obsessive) dalliances with squaresoft/square enix, WoW, bejewelled, D&D, Spyro, Bayonetta, Point Blank 2, Time Crisis 1 and the House of the Dead 1 (from what i've played though, i hate the sequels). i love gun consoles, but gaming is for me to space out, so i tend not to like complications such as having to change weapons. simple puzzles are ok though. but i loooove picking up lots of shiny coin/orb things; i will collect them ALL. i pretty much only play freecell now though.

i may be convinced to play FPSs by the right crowd. i have been somewhat introduced to TF2 and L4D2.

here are some of my favourite quotes

- you appreciate and enjoy genuine heart-to-hearts. you like being yourself. you can comfortably be 'yourself'. i don't like socialising to feel unnatural.

- you're pretty clear about where you stand. you're glad that i am, though my views are always open for discussion/debate. whenever it doesn't come down to my core values, i'm very fun and easy-going. fo real yal.

i suppose i'll also mention here that i am accepting of lots of 'weird' things, just as long as i agree with the reasons/motives behind them. this means i am not that easily offended and often have an oddball sense of humour. however, it also means that i'm not accepting of many conventional things/thought patterns, etc etc. i will explain if asked about something specific.

click here for example. i discuss pragmatic "loyalty" and why i am open to polyamory, despite guessing i'd prefer monogamy. i think it conveys who i am pretty well, and far more concisely than my profile. extract: "i am (wholeheartedly) happy to have someone i love go for more genuine happiness and personal growth, because those two things are what i ultimately value most; i am certainly and unabashedly self-serving, but this is in fact very much in line with an abject refusal to be unreasonably selfish, unfair, or ruled by fear."

- you're making your uglier sides more beautiful, and are very dedicated to doing so. i abide by fair and relevant comments, no matter how trivial, and would like the same from those who choose to keep in contact with me. this helps us all to be genuinely happy, in the most complete way that we can be.

i am usually very cheery, and if i feel that a fair comment is at least acknowledged/properly reflected on, i stay happy. we can talk it over, i can even learn how my judgement was skewed and admit my faults and improve. i can reflect on what i said/did and all the things leading up to it pretty instantaneously and impersonally. i will be happy/civil and reasonably logical throughout the whole process. and then when there isn't an issue in the limelight anymore, we'll just go back to being happy without any remote obstacles. most issues are tiny anyway.

so yes, i am a serious thinker. but i don't think i'm an OVERLY serious thinker, because i only see benefits to how i am (and am very willing to accept the cons, or at least most of them for now). and neither do i think i am an (overly) serious person. ftr, i believe that "thinking" should not be emotionally draining (or more, should soon lead to a net gain of energy once issues are dealt with). "thinking too much" is draining overall, and is not intelligent or meaningful thought, and should be stopped by anyone who really values their life/feeling alive.

- you have the patience, self-control and self-awareness to sort through issues systematically, thoroughly and efficiently whenever they pop up. i am very much into having everyone's boundaries respected, but i also have a severe dislike of undercurrents. i like having clean slates and keeping slates clean.

- you enjoy being pragmatic, reflective and mentally flexible. you like to learn. you are open to change when reason calls. you are dedicated to questioning and verifying your 'everyday' assumptions. this includes keeping a focus on being level-headed, empathetic, open and constructive during disagreements.

ftr, pragmatism is about meeting all the (reasonable) goals, not just the most obvious or "important" ones. this includes psychological, emotional, spiritual, physical and otherwise practical desires.

- you appreciate the fact that i judge us all by the same rules. i don't have double standards for friends, strangers, myself, partners, etc, and in a very important way this makes such labels irrelevant. things will be what they are. no need for pressure or getting emo/insecure about our relationship, though if you're nice we can talk about your feelings. we will look at your needs/wants and figure out what's real and not real in relation to them. <3

this is a good site: http://www.threeminutetherapy.com/

"But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, [and] easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy."

- the reasons why you're sometimes an ass don't make you an ass. by this i mostly mean i don't condone or participate in passive aggressiveness or victimisation of either party. i do not do power struggles; i work with facts toward common goals.

- you know and appreciate non-verbal communication. yes, even over the internet. i enjoy shared understandings and a gracious play/acknowledgement of implicit cues. this is partially because it seems like so much unnecessary effort to use words sometimes, though i will if it's the only way to get the point across.

that said, i would also appreciate the occasional friendly debate, though i only have knowledge on a very small spectrum of topics. i do enjoy being told about lots of things though. like science, and marvelous creatures big and small and cute and ravenous and majestic and feral and... ants (<--click!). i particularly like tapirs, capybara, sea cows and giant fish (even better if i can pet them).

- you understand this and this. They will likely be easier on your eyes/brain than my profile. This is also optional, and was written a while ago, but may provide more insight about me and how I view personal relationships in general. The links are all from my journal.

- you can appreciate/understand things, then let them go without regret. you are relatively light-hearted/at peace with yourself because of this.

(- you care much more about the message words try to convey, and therefore don't really give a damn about spelling mistakes, etc. i can see the pros of spelling nazi-ness, but the pettiness that usually accompanies it is a minor pet peeve of mine.

on a related note, there is a big difference between being 'intellectual' and '(spiritually/emotionally) intelligent/wise'. i don't need lots of words and random/complex philosophy; i just care about what you're trying to get at and achieve. i would like to talk to people who know what makes them happy/feel alive, know what they want out of life and are pretty consistent/not counter-productive in how they express their values. when it comes down to it, i am an extremely simple person.)

(- you can appreciate it if i kick your arse in pool. if i'm having a good day, i probably will. remember, we're on the same team! <3)

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foreword:
Starting around mid-2007, my profile and journal were created to help me form a more ideal working model of love, social interactions and personal standards. OKC is my space for venting and personal analysis, and has basically served to help me form a decent moral basis on which to judge.

A lot of my profile was written in defiance of what I've seen/experienced and haven't like. Hence the tenseness. I'm at a much more contented point in my life atm.

I realise that this is all fairly deep/personal stuff. If I am comfortable with you, which is generally easy enough, I am very much capable of small talk, banter, bubbliness, terrible jokes, etc., etc.

It all depends on what our exchange is about.

I am also able to see that my profile is CRAZY LONG and not as polished as it could be. It was made for me to follow, not to sell myself to others. After constantly reading and editing it, I got lazy about making it easy for others to follow.

I put no pressure on randoms to read it. However, I reserve the right to raise an eyebrow in silence if you have no idea who you're talking to.

In profile, main sections are: requisites for any good relationship; empathy; general/overarching concept of love; forgiveness; dealing with anger and bitterness. As a disclaimer, some views have been modified, while a number of others have been tidied up in my head.

I've used few adjectives to describe myself, and have simply spewed forth ideas, so you may draw your own inferences about my character. (i originally wrote my monologues to inspect and instruct myself. after reading every couple of lines, i would try to remember past experiences and imagine how the concepts may fit in with them. perhaps the same may prove interesting for you too <3)

Please note that while I am happy to clarify or otherwise expand on what I've written here, I will meet you halfway.

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Hi, I'm Kat. I am kind of an info-sponge. I am also very introspective, but in a productive way. :)

I am interested in human nature, as well as (perfecting a practical understanding of things which help promote) genuine/honest happiness.

I believe in the intrinsic value of everyone and everything, and strongly believe in being fair/objective (i.e. no double standards, though considerations will be made for different circumstances and past influences) and constructive. So I'm generally a nice person ^^

I'd primarily like to characterise myself as someone who tries to answer yes to this: "Are all my ideas/values/ideals/plans/actions/interpretations/assumptions consistent (and realistic), and do they bear good fruit?"

I'm particularly interested in the analysis of interpersonal relationships, and how to "ideally" view/exist within them.

If you think that anything I say is true, you must agree with me; if not, oppose it with every argument that you have. You must not allow me, in my enthusiasm, to deceive both myself and you, and leave my sting behind when I fly away.

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I believe that people are defined by their values/fundamental precepts (and how/whether they try to apply them), but moreso by the reasoning they use to justify having those values/fundamental precepts (i.e. every subjective understanding that each person has internalised and/or created, both consciously and unconsciously).

I also believe that the best way to define a person allows for change/growth, by taking into account what a person can and wants to be. Thus, I define people by what they think/feel about what they think/feel (ie. the critical opinions about 'what they currently are', rather than 'what they actually think they are now' or 'their current characteristics and traits'). These 'background' opinions/morals/ethics (which one has challenged and found to be true for themselves) are far more constant/stable than spontaneous feelings/thought. The more a person has found of these, the more they can be said to 'know themselves' (and the more they live up to the ideals which form the basis of their critical opinions, the happier they should be?).

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if you really love someone, you remember that you do, even when you yourself feel upset/otherwise threatened. you remember to see things from their perspective. you do these even if you don’t ‘feel’ as if you (are in) love (with) them. and then you make yourself treat them with love, with care for their happiness and well-being (btw, win-win is best; i'm in no way advocating any degree of human doormat behaviour/exploitation).

(note, if you respect and love someone: when it is a factor in their decision making, their wishes such as 'wanting to know the truth despite the pain they may feel' take precedence over your wish of 'not wanting to hurt them by telling the truth (which may just happen to prevent feelings of pain/guilt surging within you)'.

risk losing your dreams/illusions for them, and for having a shot at gaining true/honest acceptance by them (and yourself). the trust, etc., that comes/grows from such 'selflessness' and 'courage' is a solid basis on which truly intimate bonds form. and if it doesn't work out, value yourself enough to search for something better.)

"Those who like to use the terms "love" and "need" in the same sentence are revealing something very unflattering about themselves. You should never "need" a person, nor should they need you. That's a relationship wherein two gimps are stuck leaning on each other, and at best, it's going to be a self-destructive relationship.

A GOOD relationship should be about DESIRE. A healthy relationship is one in which you don't need the other person, but you still want them around anyway." -atomicturtle

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And although I appreciate honesty, I'm not fond of people advocating 'brutal honesty', since brutality is ideally the absolute last option (to prevent further harm. I can close an eye to people who don't feel up to becoming better, as long as they're not about to cause much harm). direct but polite ftw.

tangent: 'pain' is different from 'harm/abuse'. pain will come, and must be embraced to be worked through/conquered/learned from (i.e. though the experience of pain isn't enjoyable, one should acknowledge, accept and have an appreciation for the existence of the pains which one feels). but we must always try to avoid causing harm, and the harms we cause must be apologised for, unless the act of apologising would be more detrimental than beneficial (but if someone explicitly asked for/wants the truth, then you should bite the bullet and respect their wishes. blah blah, i could go on).

here is an extract, from somewhere! ^^

The initiates of the Fourth Way define recurrence as the repetition of acts, scenes and events. Everything is repeated. The Law of Recurrence is a tremendous reality. In each reincarnation the same events are repeated. The repetition of acts is accompanied by its corresponding karma. This is the law that reconciles effects to the causes that gave rise to them. Every repetition of acts carries karma and sometimes dharma (recompense). Those who work with the Great Arcanum, those who tread the straight, narrow and difficult Path of the Perfect Matrimony, are freed little by little from the Law of Recurrence.

and more :)

It is not what enters the mouth that causes harm to man but rather what comes out of it! ...One does not only hurt others with insulting words or with fine and artistic ironies, but also with the tone of the voice, with the inharmonious and arrhythmic accent... The Gnostic student... should become accustomed to controlling the tongue.

To insult another person, to hurt his intimate feelings, to humiliate him, is something that is very easy when it is done supposedly to correct him for his own good. This is how... those who while believing that they do not hate, hate without knowing that they hate.

...envy is regret for others’ well-being... with the only objective of not being less than anyone.

If we comprehend in an integral manner that we are envious, it is logical that envy then ends and in its place appears the star that rejoices and shines for others’ well being.

(i.e. jealousy always implies a sense of entitlement. and i've picked 'jealousy' as an example, because as far as i know, jealousy always leads people to trespass on/disrespect other people's bubbles, so the person who gives into jealousy is pretty much always in the wrong. when one feels jealous, it is because one is forcefully holding onto an unmet hope/expectation - possibly because of a feeling of lack, and irrational fears that one does not have enough of 'x' for their survival, and that there aren't many 'viable' sources of 'x', so not getting 'x' from the source one has currently failed to get it from poses a threat. now, once a person comprehends that certain core beliefs are irrational, or are no longer appropriate, those beliefs just melt away, along with symptoms such as jealousy. it's basically just like a dawn of realisation, before someone decides to stand up after they've been freaking out on their back, in 5 iches of water.

On a brighter note, to deal with jealousy: focus on love, and align yourself and all you have with it. Focusing on the love you have (or have ever felt) will help you to feel happy for another's well-being and health. This feeling is incompatible with jealousy/etc. ^^

Affirmation of a bad thought, negation of the same through comprehension of the opposite, discussion: one has to discuss what is real from one and the other until one arrives at wisdom and the mind is left in silence. This is how one should practice.

also, this is where love comes in as a precious tool, because if you really love someone, you'll be more sensitive to how you're hurting them, so you'll be more likely notice when you're doing wrongs, and because you care about them you'll have more reason to inspect yourself and make yourself a better person. and as you gain deeper understandings about yourself and your psychology, you'll have more empathy and compassion for others as well. and by helping everyone to have a fair understanding of themselves and others and all your good wishes/hopes/common goals, you'll be better equipped to help perpetuate/create peaceful and happy situations, or at least not help to perpetuate/create ugly situations.

Love is precious because it may lead us to value the (valid) peace/happiness/well-being of the beloved more than life (and the life of our egos). Because of this, we may use experiences of love to learn how to stop wronging, and how to be more good. It is possible to be loving toward anyone and anything.)

22/11/09: Love is the acknowledgement of merit and potential which gives the drive to further the/any beloved's happiness and well-being. it's not selfish in the sense that... it's altruistic, really. and because 'pure love' is SIMPLY the desire to respect/preserve/foster the beloved's happiness/well-being, it's not pushy or needy. the main point of it isn't to get reciprocation or external validation from the other person, though self-respecting people would demand a certain level of being treated well to remain with others. but that's like... if you really loved someone you wouldn't try to manipulate or emotionally blackmail them to give more. you'd just be up front, state your terms, a few reasonable options about how to get what you both want, negotiate, then let things be. no real drama. no (insecurity) issues that aren't out in the open and being worked on by both parties, as part of negotiating the 'best', 'most reasonable/logical win-win' terms.

There are persons who want to cease being covetous but who covet not being covetous, there you have a form of covetousness.

...But it is not by rejecting doubts that we are going to eliminate them, rather it is by dissecting them to see what they hide, that is real.

...doubts [and insecurities] sometimes serve to clarify concepts. When one eliminates a doubt through rigorous analysis, when one dissects it, one discover a truth; from such truth something more profound comes, more knowledge, more wisdom.

layman ramblings: all (meaningful/useful) theory guides action. all theory is based on defining and reflecting upon cause and effect. to cause an effect is to have power. to cause the effect you want is to be powerful. like attracts like: the law of reciprocation. (unconsciously) creating the same undesirable state (or experiencing undesirable states because of the same/similar reasons): the law of recurrence, only transcended with wisdom and chaste love (which basically only rules out sex between people who don't truly cherish and appreciate each other's feelings, thoughts and actions. more on love in the 'what i think a lot about' section). alchemists gain self-knowledge through observation and reflection, then use the wisdom of 'alchemy' to change their fundamental being, to change how they behave and react, and thus change the situations they bring about. the end result (which is gradually earned), after lots of work = transcendent peace, wisdom, love, compassion, high levels of consciousness and awareness; development of one's 'consciousness' (i.e. the part of your mind which observes what you think/feel, and why, and then forms a moral judgement); awareness of oneself as a separate entity, though without an ego/"I"/need-desires/feelings of deprivation or alienation; complete inner/psychological freedom. *ooooo*. ^^

gnosis has some interesting/useful ideas: http://www.gnosticweb.com

Also: I think it's fine to judge others according to one's own beliefs. Each person only has their own beliefs to judge others on, and if they don't judge others (or themselves), then they won't have any judgements on which to act (or, people will act on stupid ideas). And then... pretty much nothing would happen (or, the best possible results wouldn't be actualised).

Nevertheless, I do think that it's generally not OK for one to impose/be accusatory based on one's (unexplained/unsubstantiated) beliefs. Doing so would be impolite/disrespectful. Civil conversations/dialectics are fun ^^

Also, if you're going to be accusatory, it's only polite to (be willing to) explain your solid understanding of what exactly you're frowning upon, why you find it unacceptable, and then subject your alternative course of action to scrutiny. Clarity = learning = more chance of improvement.

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Chapter on Love, from Khalil Gibran's “The Prophet”

Then said Almitra, "Speak to us of Love."
And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them.
And with a great voice he said:
When love beckons to you follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

Editors

• cupcake_icing22

Know thyself to know the world, and know the world to know thyself.

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figuring out the nuances of the meaning to this: "There are only four questions of value in life, Don Octavio: what is sacred, of what is the spirit made, what is worth living for, and what is worth dying for. The answer to each is the same: only love."

the bonds of true love don't pop out of thin air, and neither does one's proficiency in loving. and, though 'love' itself is absolutely natural, love doesn't generally come naturally until you make yourself love naturally. you generally reap what you sow, etc.

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in terms of profession, edited 5 June 2009: I studied the first year of a BA(psychology) twice - the first in Christchurch, NZ, and the second in Perth, since the systems were different and didn't allow much transfer of points. Then I put uni on 'indefinite hiatus'.

I have since (pretty much) completed a Cert III in Children's Services, enabling me to work as a nanny, or an assistant in daycare settings with 0-12 year olds. I will be continuing on with the Diploma, which would enable me to run a daycare at home, or run a room in a centre.

Among other reasons, I decided to switch courses because I was impatient for more life experience - rather than just book smarts - when it came to understandings of 'human nature' and 'the meaning of life'. Whether I pursue higher education or not, such information is invaluable in my quest to be effective in respectfully helping people (including myself) to be happy, fulfilled and wise.

edit, jan 2010: i've discovered that i'm in childcare because i get to be happy, and to also help people deal with things that are often difficult to deal with in the best, most positive and productive ways.

regarding my career path, i'm undecided at the moment. i'm thinking I'll do nannying or work at a daycare for a couple of years. we'll see how my experience grows and what i feel it enables me to do.

I also consider counselling or some sort of social work later. And early childhood education. Or maybe I'll end up moving through the age groups.

i guess i just want to see people happy and help them discover more positive foundations on which they build their lives.

edit: you know what? i dropped out of uni because i realised i was a mess, wouldn't be mentally healthy if i kept going with it, and figured it wouldn't be smart to take on other people's heavy issues. so child care it was. more enjoyable/energising, less emotionally/psychologically demanding and still along the same lines as psyc/social work.

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Hello Dreamer
Who might you be,
Person who steers my thoughts from my own?
Your gentle poise
And wordless, bewitching invitations
Intrigue me.
And I, the curious fish of a shallow paradise shore
Will glide about you, only to stop
For a nibble at your fingertips.

- Being humble where it counts.

- Having the balls to put myself under scrutiny, and dedicating the effort it takes to make sure my beliefs/reactions are reasonable, or at least come to be reasonable. Bah to defensiveness, I say. Bah.

when it comes down to it, i don't see the point in defensiveness, and i knock my own walls down. i talk to others to knock them down faster. whatever is false and stupid will fall. what's true and 'good' doesn't need me to defend it.

ok, now for explaining the objective and subjective understandings of 'reasonable': it is a matter of having expectations and demands that are based on seeing the 'objective truth' more than skewed personal interpretations.

i.e. i have my values. these are the very personal beliefs which guide my actions, so no matter what i do, this is where the personal investment bit comes in. if i have double standards in dealing with others, then i am not being objective. if i am self-absorbed and egotistic, i will have a very different understanding of 'reasonable' compared to someone who is less so, given the same situation.

what matters is that you really question your motives and values, and are comfortable with yourself and others holding them in the exact same way that you do. that is a test of true fairness.

- Forgiving and not really holding grudges. I'm a nice person. I don't enjoy anger and vengeance, and I am actually very sensitive and compassionate. I find any amount of negative emotion uncomfortable, though I won't shy away from what's necessary for growth. Learn, change, give me no reason for disapproval, and all is forgiven. I like clean slates. However, if it's a big issue, you are going to have to fucking work at it. If you change (because you yourself agree with what I dislike and why), I'll probably stick around for a bit, otherwise I'll move on. I will help where I can because it serves my purposes. I reaaaally like genuine peace and non-superficial happiness.

I'm also good at being clear about what I want and value, to others as well as myself.

new person/face/[insert noun here].

has the general physical characteristics of a cute little asian girl. it's mostly the child-like height. and i usually appear more friendly in person, along with light-hearted, cheery and sometimes shy. and apparently i look between the ages of 12-18.

and from a source: "very gentle and soft-spoken, with a voice that's almost ethereal in the sense that one has to listen carefully to catch it". most of the time, i guess this might be true.

and here, some shameless self-flattery:

Phenomenal Woman, by Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

-i like positive psychology and occasionally read books on it (instead of defining health as simply 'a lack of symptoms of illness', it defines health as 'having symptoms of health'). one of the founders of the movement is A. H. Maslow - the guy who studied '(the process of) self-actualisation' and devised the 'hierarchy of needs'. another founder of the movement is Carl Rodgers, who revoluntionised counselling psychology with his humanistic, person-centered approach. the other guy main guy is Rollo May, and i'm sure cupcake_icing22 has written something about him somewhere. he's an existentialist psychologist.

here is a journal post about one of my favourite articles: on existential psychology.

on the to-read list: Jonathan Livingston Seagull

12/2009 update: i have just finished reading "ender's game", "kushiel's dart" and a book (and the black jewels trilogy) by anne bishop. more sci-fi/fantasy shall be read.

music: currently i often listen to channels 'lush' and 'space station soma' here http://somafm.com/listen/

productive reflection + productive introspection + pragmatism = growth* + peace and happiness for all involved.

there's no use for 'artists' who wouldn't express/materialise their art in some form or other, or even create a concrete vision in their minds.

A true musician must subordinate himself his Art;
...he must place himself above human suffering;
...he must draw courage from within...
and only from within.

~ Erik Satie

this also goes for 'philosophers'.

*imo, 'growth' is (or leads to) the acquisition and refinement of virtues.

"Visualizing an expression before it is expressed is entirely conceptual. I don't disdain conceptual thinking, but I regard it as an important part of a bigger process. An expression is bound to conceptual thought until it is manifest. Sheet music bares only concept until the piano player presses the keys of the piano and manifests vibration as physical expression. Let's assume it's a love song. Now the freedom of your original sentence becomes clearer to me. The expression is liberated from concept into action. To care for a plant is to water it. To think of a plant affectionately or to think of watering it is not care. The thought of watering it is worthless unless it results in physical expression. Love is caring. Our happy love emotions result from actions of caring. Concepts are addictive. We end up cherishing them they sit in our driveways and we polish them. At some point we become so protective of them we fear driving them lest the activity scratches the paint. They become worthless idols sitting idle. Concepts are as worthy as they are manifested. Let us not be trapped in cherishing concepts. Let us free ourselves to cherish people, and that is done only as it is made manifest... get beyond belief! lol"

-jumpin0

Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls…
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music…
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
---

Loving words are as an honeycomb,
Sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.
The words of a man's mouth are as deep waters,
And the wellspring of love as a flowing brook.
What doth the Law require of thee,
But to do justly, and to love mercy,
And to walk humbly with the Angels.

Holy Wisdom maketh all men free from fear,
Wide of heart, and easy of conscience.
Holy Wisdom, the understanding that unfolds forever,
Continually, without end,
And is not acquired through the holy scrolls.

---

Empathy is the skill of accurately guessing how others may feel and react, by generalising the intimate knowledge of how you yourself may feel and react in their situation. it's basically about being able to 'see/experience' things from another's POV.

as far as i know, there are two major types of empathy: emotional and intellectual/cognitive (also called 'theory of mind')

an intellectual understanding is what you'd need to react/behave appropriately and sensitively. knowing what to look for also enables you to be more sensitive to people's non-verbal or verbally implicit cues, and thus have an easier time at guessing what they might be feeling/thinking.

having emotional empathy means that you can feel what another feels, along side them. emotional bonds are partly formed when people 'feel the same way (about something)'.

as people increase their intellectual understanding of which cues hint at 'x' emotion/thought, for 'y' motive/reason, they may also learn to use their cognitive empathy to increase their emotional empathy.

in turn, an increase in emotional empathy may result in more accurate cognitive/intellectual understandings, and more appropriate action (since you would be better equipped to constructively handle a situation, if you could feel, as well as analyse, what the other party may be feeling/thinking). ^^

some people don't empathise very much, or very well. sometimes, i think it's because of genuine biological disorders.

but i think people have also been scared into not wanting to feel what others have felt toward them in the past. for example, children who have been abused often don't want to feel what others may feel toward them (because, so often, it's been hatred). and children haven't developed the intellectual capacity to see that maybe it's not them that the hatred is really aimed at. it's hatred that's been displaced on them, because their parents were discouraged from showing hatred/etc toward their own parents, and the child is a non-threatening object on which to vent.

now, i don't condone abuse, but i do have some understanding and compassion for those who have abused, and if they honestly want to change and stop hurting others (and themselves), 'punishment' would absolutely not be a reason for ruling out the possibility of helping them. that particular 'punishment' would be very counter-productive, if the goal is minimum pain/harm and maximum valid happiness/peace/enjoyment.
---

Love takes a lot of work. But if you really feel love, you will have the strength to love. And love grows.

Love is an action, a way of being, of interacting, a responsibility gladly fulfilled. Love is an appreciation of, respect for, and reaction to values and other beautiful things. Love for a being inspires an utmost devotion to the all-round welfare of that being - or in other words, an utmost devotion to supporting whatever is best for a loved one, in light of respecting their individual judgement, desires and personal boundaries. And when you see others being happy for good, honest reasons, you will gladly do everything in your power that is conducive to their happiness. To love is to care, and thus care for. :)

An Overview of How I'd Treat Anyone/Anything I Loved (Unconditionally and Conditionally), In Practical Terms (<-- RECOMMENDED)

Love is reasonable and uses reason; love derives stability from knowing and remembering the reasons it exists, and THAT it exists. Love will teach and guide you to love, through your brightest and darkest hours.

Love, using reason, begets the best results. Love will require you to modify your hopes, expectations and beliefs. Love does not hold double standards.

Love begets kindness. Love itself is never malicious or spiteful. Love does not prosecute out of anger, if it ever prosecutes at all.

Love is good, but severe; austere, yet tolerant. Love only nourishes, fosters and heals, developing weaknesses into more strengths if it can, its sole objective being to revel in more and more beauty.

Love respects and encourages freedom. Love teaches you humility and self-control when you put yourself in your place, as you are motivated by love to refrain from pushing someone to give you what you want at the expense of their basic human rights (and not just the most basic ones). (<--- this basically means that you learn to value and accept the fact another person's free will is not rightfully yours to control. the concept touches upon "live and let live". it explains this sentence: "You get over the loss of hope for what you ideally wanted the relationship to eventually be, and you do this because you respect the other's judgement, freewill and personal boundaries." love teaches you that it is fair for your ideals to not be as important to someone else as their own ideals, and it is not right to demand that they be what you want them to be. whatever changes they make to make you happy are gifts, not entitlements.

furthermore, you learn that giving loved ones their space is simply the result of channelling your love into a different avenue, to accommodate for their changing personal boundaries and requirements for happiness.)

Love teaches you humility, vulnerability and eventually strength, when out of love you give your best effort and your best, as you bare your soul to one whom you think is greater (in some respect), to be judged, accepted, improved and judged again. In this sense, there is an element of subservience to loving. However, this subservience is entirely voluntary, and is for the sake of increasing one's dignity, purity and autonomy/ability to act in accordance with one’s own values.

"learning-time is always a long, secluded time, and therefore loving, for a long time ahead and far on into life, is: solitude, a heightened and deepened kind of aloneness for the person who loves. Loving does not at first mean merging, surrendering, and uniting with another person (for what would a union be of two people who are unclarified, unfinished, and still incoherent?), it is a high inducement for the individual to ripen, to become something in himself, to become world, to become world in himself for the sake of another person."

Loving and gaining strength (by accepting and working with true love) is an ongoing process, in which one continually learns to be even more comfortable and unafraid of showing/being their true self, in all situations. One learns to be realistic; anxiety is proportionate. Risks are more willing to be taken, with the confidence that one will be OK in the end (because of self-empowerment + trust/self-confidence + self-acceptance/the humility to work with one's current limitations). Energy is not felt as if it is wasted (because one takes personal responsibility to make sure that they spend their energy in accordance with their values). Love helps one to acknowledge their capacity for true freedom - to choose to act on the constructive attitudes that you want to, rather than petrifying/constraining fear.

"Love takes off the masks we fear we cannot live without
And know we cannot live within"

Love teaches the joy and worth in giving, especially to those who particularly deserve, and those who are receptive to your offers.

Love gracefully accepts Love in return as a gift, not a payment or entitlement. (♥♥"The glass is half-empty, because I enjoyed the first half, and saved the rest for you~~"♥♥)

Love teaches trust, reliability, the worth of mercy, the worth of prudence and conscientiousness, the worth of having and giving substantiated respect for someone as a whole, the worth of truly accepting and learning to work with each individual's limits.

Love helps you to notice and cherish the finer details when the one you love is happy, and soft, and innocent.

Love teaches that as you love and learn to love another, you also love and learn to love yourself. And you learn that, for you, the most important place for love to radiate is from inside yourself. If you are loving, you will always have love. If you can love to the standard you want, there is a chance that there are others who are loving to the same standard.

These are visible, tangible, trustworthy signs of true love. True love (which permeates through all social boundaries) exists, and is simple to materialise.

Also, you don't get over the person you love/respect. You get over the loss of hope for what you ideally wanted the relationship to eventually be, and you do this because you respect the other's judgement, freewill and personal boundaries, as well as your own. :)

Desire is a substance that separates into many substances [eg. jealousy, anger, fear]. These substances of desire manage to deceive the mind and the heart. He who despairs because his wife has left him for another man, was not actually in Love. True Love demands nothing, asks nothing, desires nothing, thinks nothing, only wants one thing; the happiness of the beloved. That is all. The man who loses the one he loves only says, "I am happy that you have found your happiness. If it is with another man that you have found it, I feel happy that you have found it."

now, since you are here, i will recommend another reading dear to my heart: Hints On Figuring Out Whether Someone Will Make A Good Friend/Partner

and another (this helped me to lay out the groundwork, and get a clear direction): Hints On Holding Your Own, And Being In A Healthy Relationship.

and M. Scott Peck's wonderful thoughts: Hints for creating happy, lasting relationships.

^and all this is geared toward helping me/those who are on the same path to fulfill (what i think is) the meaning of life:
a)gaining awareness of/acknowledging what you currently exist as (contradictions, inconsistencies and all);
b)figuring out whether or not what you are is in fact in line with your fundamental values; and c)working to become who/what you want to exist as (i.e. someone who embodies all the qualities you define as 'good')
...and d)existing as the good person you are and spreading the lurrrves :)

"Of course, you must know that every letter of yours will always give me pleasure, and you must be indulgent with the answer, which will perhaps often leave you empty-handed; for ultimately, and precisely in the deepest and most important matters, we are unspeakably alone; and many things must happen, many things must go right, a whole constellation of events must be fulfilled, for one human being to successfully advise or help another."

- Rilke's "Letters to a Young Poet"

---

(primarily) aim/take steps to achieve ideal possibilities (since they cannot coincide with non-ideal possibilities, by definition). take preventative measures by tackling things head on ^^

ie. think of options and courses of action that will 'help make you happy', rather than just 'not make you upset' :)

One often meets his destiny on the road to avoid it.

Whatever we submit to becomes our master.

"Salvation actually means a change of bondage."

"Vows. Promises. Commitments. Responsibilities. Although such things make me feel tied down, God uses them to hold me up... Before cutting any string, make sure it's not one that's holding you up."

---
How am I to respond to others when I am hurt and am tempted to become bitter against them?

1. Love them.
2. Bless them.
3. Do good to them.
4. Pray for them.

Patience: The capacity of calm endurance, tolerant understanding, forbearance, tolerance of something or someone over a period of time—generally without complaint—though not necessarily without annoyance.

One must be aware that before replacing sinful responses with godly responses one must have a genuine repentant heart for the bitterness within one's heart. There are three elements found in Ephesians 4:32 that must be developed into one’s life. 1) Kindness 2) Tenderhearted 3) Forgiving one another. These three principles must be developed in the order they are presented in Scripture. A person will not be able to forgive unless he has a tender heart. He will not have a tender heart toward another who has hurt him until he has demonstrated kindness toward them. Have the counselee define each of the above terms, then show him specific ways in which he can begin implementing them in his personal situations. Show him how he can show kindness, followed by prayer for a tender heart, and finally, focus on forgiveness. No one can do these three things and continue to be bitter at the same time.

Don’t take revenge, but let the Lord do it. Do good to your enemies; thus, heaping coals of shame on their head (note: shame will come naturally, when they compare your good actions to their own less virtuous actions, if they don't block out their conscience; this implies no conscious desire or action on your part to make them feel pain. It is not nice or good to wish another pain. In an important sense, there is, and already has been, enough suffering). One will be eaten alive by the bitterness that one keeps within oneself; one's physical health will deteriorate. The impact of our emotions has been hardwired into our bodies. Furthermore, inasmuch as one does not love, one will feel no joy and feel little life. This is God's just and fair deal. And besides, think of the pains which have been inflicted upon wrongdoers, for them to have developed enough bitterness to hurt others in the first place.

It is up to each person to have compassion on those who suffer, just as God has compassion for our suffering. Gently admonish, and show others what has helped you to feel life and love (people are far less likely to consider hypocritical advice). But ultimately, the choice (of how to spend their lives) is theirs. You must respect their free-will (i.e. that each individual's choices are valid for themselves), and thus feel no bitterness toward them. Have trust that others know what is best for themselves, both consciously and unconsciously, and that they will bring about situations that will best help them grow.

And whatever you then decide to do, do it with kindness, consideration and compassion in your hearts.

Forgiveness is surrendering my right to hurt you back if you hurt me.

Forgiveness is an activity of the will (to value one's own life and quality of life). We cannot wait for a feeling before we forgive.

When you release bitterness, you release yourself, and you free your mind to focus on more productive things.

Forgiveness will cost you your pride. You must go humbly.

It is, for the most part, a quiet, personal act and does not make known to others.

Forgiveness may be given to oneself as well as others. :)

---

ah, and from Enlightened Master Ching Hai:

Questioner: I often find myself feeling anger and hatred. I think that's preventing me from knowing this Wisdom. I see people who have a great Spiritual practice, and they tend to be very loving and very calm. I wonder how and why that is so. Can You give me some wisdom as to why there are anger and hatred, and how one goes about stopping them?

Master Ching Hai: First we have to know the nature of anger and hatred in order to root them out. Anger and hatred are just ways of protection. Sometimes you feel threatened by other people's opinions, their way of life, or behavior. They may harm your ego, your pride, your body, or your mind, so you become angry and resentful.

Hatred is a very strong word. I wouldn't like to use it every day because actually what we do is resent, not really hate. Hatred is deeper than that. Mostly we resent others when we feel threats to our security. Therefore, do not blame yourself too much when you become angry. Just analyze where that anger has come from and whether you are in the right or in the wrong. Sometimes you have the right to show a little outward anger in order to protect yourself. The question is not to stop anger, but to... control it and to use it to your advantage, not to stop it altogether.

I have a little story about a snake for you. There was a very big and vicious snake. He lived in a tree hole, and he always ate the chickens and scared and bit the people, so everyone in the village was scared of him. One day a great yogi came to that place, sat there, and meditated. The snake felt very peaceful and transformed... One day the yogi had to go away for some days... The children passed by and saw the snake now sitting very quietly in meditation and in samadhi, so they were not afraid of him any more... they threw him, beat him on the tree trunks, and did all kinds of things. All of his body was bruised, black and blue, and he lay there half dead. The Master came home and said, "What happened to you?" The snake said, "It was because of the Five Precepts - nonviolence." The yogi was very surprised, "What nonviolence?" "You taught me not to be violent, so yesterday the children came… I didn't react, so they carried on with their play until now; I nearly died." The Master said, "You are stupid. I didn't tell you not to hiss. You can hiss to scare people away."

That is the difference between having wisdom and not having it. When we have no wisdom and are not enlightened, we are carried away by our own emotions. When we have wisdom and Enlightenment, we use emotions to suit our occasion and advantage [and consider another's well-being to be interwoven with our goals (ie. have compassion)]. It doesn't mean we should altogether eliminate emotions; we just know how to use them.

1. eh... i believe in God only as much as i believe in love, and the strength of it. having dealt with a number of reasonably hostile situations in my daily and intimate life, i have seen how the acknowledgement of compassion, empathy and loving words can turn people around -- adults and children alike. working in a daycare with children has shown me how well people can respond to those who are caring, dignified and communicate well/respectfully/thoughtfully (e.g. by giving good reasons instead of relying on power struggles). i also know how people of all ages are affected when they don't experience/feel/acknowledge love.

i could go on rationalising, but a key point is that my belief in god's existence won't change how i live and see things.

2. I am slightly self-conscious about being insane, or having gone through a (particularly) crazy phase. To get healthier, though. And the effort seems to have paid off. ... ... ........ And I do make a concentrated effort of staying open to constructive criticism.

3. I made this profile to help me through that emo/melodramatic, implosion-of-my-head phase. A couple of events and realisations came together in a way which suddenly made me aware that I, the 'real' me, the 'higher self' or whatever, hated the persona/character I had let myself become; I hated and was guilty over the pain my actions, and very existence, had caused to those who weren't ready to take full responsibility for choosing to be with me, even though I did try to conform and please them; I hated that I wasn't getting the love I wanted and really did think I was getting - from friends, family and partners; I hated myself for being stupid, naive and ignorant; I was shocked to finally realise that the extent of the fears I'd grown up with were not reasonable. I have since resolved a big chunk of those issues. I'd like to think I now have a decent knowledge of personal boundaries and what's fair for each person to think of as their (moral) responsibility. I now enjoy having enough confidence in my values and judgement to basically tell someone to fuck off if they're bad for me or being stupid/annoying, at the very least until they've given me good reason to change my impression of them/our future relationship. I'm generally pretty benevolent though, and will repay kindness and courtesy. But the point is 'yay, no longer a doormat, etc.'

And to be honest, my life has not been hard, and is by no means hard now. It's just breaking out of my shell that was difficult.

I'm also making these points public because they're basic facts that I'd give people who genuinely want to get to know me. or whatever. if someone bothered to read down to here then here's a piece of the puzzle.

4. as for my social life (dec 2009), i live with my sister and a person who's practically my brother-in-law. i have one mysterious online friend of two years. i don't particularly enjoy spending time with many people, so i haven't really kept in contact with anyone i've interacted with irl.

i will admit to having bouts of loneliness sometimes, but i am also dealing just fine. i have my dignity and am no longer willing to compromise for false comfort, and i'd be damned if i let any neediness make those i care about uncomfortable (unless they're ready to analyse it with me, so that it stops). i'm selective in showing (degrees of) vulnerability, out of courtesy. i demand the same from those who wish to be in contact with me.

--------

cupcake lives, and i am one with her.

if you want a glimpse of the guiding principles i've been accumulating, visit her profile.

i went through a period of particularly aggressive reflection, the remnants of which remain at the back of my journal. important early entries are numbered, from 1 to around 23.

i've continued to demolish and rebuild my character, though construction has slowed considerably for now.

-----------

Idealist Portrait of the Counselor (INFJ)

"Counselors have an exceptionally strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others, and find great personal fulfillment interacting with people, nurturing their personal development, guiding them to realize their human potential. Although they are happy working at jobs (such as writing) that require solitude and close attention, Counselors do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries. Counselors are both kind and positive in their handling of others; they are great listeners and seem naturally interested in helping people with their personal problems. Not usually visible leaders, Counselors prefer to work intensely with those close to them, especially on a one-to-one basis, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes.

Counselors are scarce, little more than one percent of the population, and can be hard to get to know, since they tend not to share their innermost thoughts or their powerful emotional reactions except with their loved ones. They are highly private people, with an unusually rich, complicated inner life. Friends or colleagues who have known them for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that Counselors are flighty or scattered; they value their integrity a great deal, but they have mysterious, intricately woven personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.

Counselors tend to work effectively in organizations. They value staff harmony and make every effort to help an organization run smoothly and pleasantly. They understand and use human systems creatively, and are good at consulting and cooperating with others. As employees or employers, Counselors are concerned with people's feelings and are able to act as a barometer of the feelings within the organization.

Blessed with vivid imaginations, Counselors are often seen as the most poetical of all the types, and in fact they use a lot of poetic imagery in their everyday language. Their great talent for language-both written and spoken-is usually directed toward communicating with people in a personalized way. Counselors are highly intuitive and can recognize another's emotions or intentions - good or evil - even before that person is aware of them. Counselors themselves can seldom tell how they came to read others' feelings so keenly. This extreme sensitivity to others could very well be the basis of the Counselor's remarkable ability to experience a whole array of psychic phenomena."

Rational Portrait of the Mastermind (INTJ)

"All Rationals are good at planning operations, but Masterminds are head and shoulders above all the rest in contingency planning. Complex operations involve many steps or stages, one following another in a necessary progression, and Masterminds are naturally able to grasp how each one leads to the next, and to prepare alternatives for difficulties that are likely to arise any step of the way. Trying to anticipate every contingency, Masterminds never set off on their current project without a Plan A firmly in mind, but they are always prepared to switch to Plan B or C or D if need be.

Masterminds are rare, comprising no more than, say, one percent of the population, and they are rarely encountered outside their office, factory, school, or laboratory. Although they are highly capable leaders, Masterminds are not at all eager to take command, preferring to stay in the background until others demonstrate their inability to lead. Once they take charge, however, they are thoroughgoing pragmatists. Masterminds are certain that efficiency is indispensable in a well-run organization, and if they encounter inefficiency-any waste of human and material resources-they are quick to realign operations and reassign personnel. Masterminds do not feel bound by established rules and procedures, and traditional authority does not impress them, nor do slogans or catchwords. Only ideas that make sense to them are adopted; those that don't, aren't, no matter who thought of them. Remember, their aim is always maximum efficiency.

In their careers, Masterminds usually rise to positions of responsibility, for they work long and hard and are dedicated in their pursuit of goals, sparing neither their own time and effort nor that of their colleagues and employees. Problem-solving is highly stimulating to Masterminds, who love responding to tangled systems that require careful sorting out. Ordinarily, they verbalize the positive and avoid comments of a negative nature; they are more interested in moving an organization forward than dwelling on mistakes of the past.

Masterminds tend to be much more definite and self-confident than other Rationals, having usually developed a very strong will. Decisions come easily to them; in fact, they can hardly rest until they have things settled and decided. But before they decide anything, they must do the research. Masterminds are highly theoretical, but they insist on looking at all available data before they embrace an idea, and they are suspicious of any statement that is based on shoddy research, or that is not checked against reality."

and from another site:

"INTJs do, however, tend to conform to rules if they are useful, not because they believe in them, or because they make sense, but because of their unique view of reality. They are the supreme pragmatists, who see reality as something which is quite arbitrary and made up. Thus it can be used as a tool-or ignored. Reality is quite malleable and can be changed, conquered, or brought to heel. Reality is a crucible for the refining of ideas, and in this sense, INTJs are the most theoretical of all the types. Where an ESTP sees ideas as the pawn of reality, an INTJ sees reality as the pawn of ideas: No idea is too far-fetched to be entertained. INTJs are natural brainstormers, always open to new concepts and, in fact, aggressively seeking them.

INTJs manipulate the world of theory as if on a gigantic chess board, always seeking strategies and tactics that have high payoff... Theories which cannot be made to work are quickly discarded by the INTJs... INTJs live to see systems translated into substance."

lol @ having a third relevant description: "ISTPs have a compelling drive to understand the way things work. They're good at logical analysis, and like to use it on practical concerns. They typically have strong powers of reasoning, although they're not interested in theories or concepts unless they can see a practical application. They like to take things apart and see the way they work... They focus on details and practical things. They have an excellent sense of expediency and grasp of the details which enables them to make quick, effective decisions... They are good at following through with a project, and tying up loose ends... They take pride in their ability to take the next correct step."

you very much value personal growth, self-awareness and genuine happiness.