Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy


33 Van Nuys, CA Man


Similar users

I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 24–40
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Sep 17
6′ 3″ (1.91m)
Body Type
Strictly vegetarian
Not at all
Virgo, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Rather not say
Doesn’t have kids
Has dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I'm not sure if I can write a blurb about myself that's really indicative of my character. You may get to know me best by reading a sampling of my random social-networking posts. Por exemplo:

"Look, I'm just gonna tell you up front, if the only way out of this hostage situation is for me to order Pizza Hut, we're gonna die."

"Dear Mrs. Fields,

"You've had at least 20 years to trick into everyone thinking 'giant cookie=cake' as opposed to a baking accident. You've failed. Move on. If you insist on continuing to hock platters of wasted cookie dough with "Thank you" written on them in tiny, sad, frosting-letters, have the decency to include a shotgun and someone to shout 'PULL!'"

"Career Options to Consider:
1: U.S. Marshal
2: Old-Timey Detective
3: Pirate King
4: Old-Timey Physicist
5: Owner of Best/Worst/Most Obscure Tattoo ever."

As you have noticed if you've gotten this far, it's hard for me to talk about myself in anything approaching a serious manner. Don't worry, you like it, I'm hilarious. And charming. Also, handsome.

The Boring Details: I'm from New York originally and moved to L.A. to go to college. Next thing you know, I went native, bought property, got used to not having winter for seven months a year, started to actually make eye contact with strangers every now and again.

Random facts that I've just decided are revealing:

I hate it when able-bodied people stand on escalators. When I'm forced to stand still, either because of injury or extreme fatigue, I have the decency to feel weak.

The last time I got my hair cut, I had a very pleasant conversation with the stylist who just had a baby girl that she named, Versailles. Mostly it was pleasant because I resisted the urge to mock this name. I was exceedingly proud of myself for showing this restraint.

I can name all of the Presidents in order. And will. You can't stop me.

I love to cook, especially food that is really too spicy and/or produce that comes in unusual colors.

I hate all Apple products. There are rational and irrational reasons for this.

I've decided that my Kindle is the best invention ever. Just recently, I plowed through a Doctor Who novel on it with what can only be described as childish glee.

I love a good argument.

Ideally, you are a person who appreciates/tolerates all of these things and are also not imaginary.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Working in Downtown LA...Writing...Plotting against you.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Again, I'm hilarious. Also a good cook. Oh, and you know that friend/relative that thinks he/she knows everything? I will humiliate them for you.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
The blood...always the blood.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Everything by Douglas Adams. Ditto John Hodgman and Sarah Vowell. Some Harlan Ellison. I didn't think there could be a better book about modern American history than Nixonland until I blew through The Invisible Bridge.

Chinatown, The Big Lebowski (before it was cool), Zero Effect, The Limey.
Mad Men, Broad City, Doctor Who, Archer, 30 Rock, Community.
Most Jazz, Warren Zevon, Florence and the Machine. And a lot of stuff that's just horrible but it's ok 'cause we're gonna say I like it ironically, got it?

I'm pretty impressed with most anything I make myself and completely fail to understand anyone appreciating fast food for reasons beyond convenience. The trend toward cramming bacon (or bacon-like materials) into every food (or food-like material) known to modern science had me rolling my eyes even before I became a vegetarian.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Democracy, the caring indulgence of friends and associates, gum,
my Kindle, and whatever force it is that pushes me out of the bed at 5 in the morning. Also, Tungsten. TUNGSTEN!

Also, I notice a lot of you like to list friends or family here. Those are people, not things. Ok, fine, I'm being judgmental, maybe you were raised in a janitor's closet and the Swifer is like a mom to you, that's fair. However, it makes me think that dating you might involve participation in one of those creepy Channel 4 documentaries which isn't something I'm interested in...unless I'm doing the narration.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
My ridiculously circuitous plan to avenge myself upon my many enemies.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I've been told I have an unusually large sacrum.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
Well...if you've gotten this far and you're interested, it seems like the thing to do, doesn't it? I mean, that's how it works, you get that right? You're on a dating site. I shouldn't be the one to have to explain this to you.