"Anyone else remember when 'cosplay' was 'playing dress-up?'"
"Dear Mrs. Fields,
"You've had at least 20 years to trick into everyone thinking 'giant cookie=cake' as opposed to a baking accident. You've failed. Move on. If you insist on continuing to hock platters of wasted cookie dough with "Thank you" written on them in tiny, sad, frosting-letters, have the decency to include a shotgun and someone to shout 'PULL!'"
"Career Options to Consider:
1: U.S. Marshal
2: Old-Timey Detective
3: Pirate King
4: Old-Timey Physicist
5: Owner of Best/Worst/Most Obscure Tattoo ever."
As you have noticed if you've gotten this far, it's hard for me to talk about myself in anything approaching a serious manner. Don't worry, you like it, I'm hilarious. And charming. Also, handsome.
The Boring Details: I'm from New York originally and moved to L.A. to go to college. Next thing you know, I went native, bought property, got used to not having winter for seven months a year, started to actually make eye contact with strangers every now and again.
Random facts that I've just decided are revealing:
I hate it when able-bodied people stand on escalators. When I'm forced to stand still, either because of injury or extreme fatigue, I have the decency to feel weak.
The last time I got my hair cut, I had a very pleasant conversation with the stylist who just had a baby girl that she named, Versailles. Mostly it was pleasant because I resisted the urge to mock this name. I was exceedingly proud of myself for showing this restraint.
I can name all of the Presidents in order. And will. You can't stop me.
I love to cook, especially food that is really too spicy and/or produce that comes in unusual colors.
I hate all Apple products. There are rational and irrational reasons for this.
I've decided that my Kindle is the best invention ever. Just recently, I plowed through a Doctor Who novel on it with what can only be described as childish glee.
I love a good argument.
Ideally, you are a person who appreciates/tolerates all of these things and are also not imaginary. Well, a man can dream...