Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Hi, I'm Paul. I'm shy and am looking to find someone to hang out
with and maybe date. I like computers and video games. I also like
to write when I can find the time. (What we need here is
more Gusto. Make this count. Don't assume girls will notice your
daintiness. You need to stand out more. Use the word Gravitas or
sentences that force women to think of nothing but the word
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I work as tech support at an ISP. I also do some computer repair
work when I have the time. (More brutal honesty is needed
here. You talk to mouth breathing idiots for 8 hours a day, asking
them if they've tried unplugging it and plugging it back in. Then
you have to describe to them what an electrical outlet is, because
there are apparently people out there that do not know what those
are.) I got my own place last year, and am still trying to
figure out this whole being an adult thing. (Shamelessly
trying to drop that you have your own place. Ladies love guys that
have their own place right? Did you mention how a bunch of old
people live in the neighborhood?)
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I'm pretty good with computers. (Not an idiot) I'm
also pretty good at several video games. (Ladies, please,
form a single line.)
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Well, I've got long, curly hair. (The only reasons you
don't get a haircut is because 1. sometimes girls like to touch it
and you are that desperate for human female contact. 2. It makes
you look less fat by distracting attention away from your
gut.) Also, I have a lot of leg/knee/ankle/feet problems,
and use a walking stick a lot when I'm out. (Bye ladies...
Thanks for stopping in. Seriously, you'd be more mobile with 2 peg
legs. Ligaments in your knee tear whenever you even think of
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
With music I tend to like electronic techno type stuff. I've been
listening to a lot of Scooter recently. I also like some metal/rock
such as System of a Down. (Why are you being so
conversational? By this point in the profile she is barely
skimming. If she got this far she's only making sure you don't
listen to something freakish like Yanni or Insane Clown Posse.
Stick to a simple list.)
As far as movies goes, I like pretty much all kinds. Recently I've
been watching a lot of classic cinema. I saw Casablanca in a film
studies class (Ooh film studies class) and since
then I've been a big fan of Humphrey Bogart movies. (Every
schmuck says they love classic cinema. As soon as you say Humphrey
Bogart I am reminded of how every desperate, lonely man from the
1950's onward has tried to appear cultured and different by
mentioning Humphrey Bogart. Honestly, the last movie you saw
starred Nicholas Cage in a bad wig. You were alone at the time, and
you liked it.)
With books I like fantasy and science fiction. I really like the
Harry Potter books (Harry Potter is only worth mentioning
if you don't like it. It's like saying I like to be
happy.) I also like the Young Miles series. (Oh
the crippled guy likes the sci-fi series about a crippled guy. How
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Job (shameless mention of job)
House (shameless mention of place)
Friends (Don't forget to say how many are irl
8 hours of sleep a night (what? Can you be more
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Computers and ideas for writing. (Don't forget to mention
all the crippling self doubt, and what various people look like
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
(Alone? Just kidding, go ahead and try to make it sound not
pathetic.) I like to just relax at home and play some
video games. Sometimes I will go hang out with friends.
("friends" should be singular.)
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My Grandma died of cancer? (Well holy shit. Way to snuff
out whatever life was left in this profile with that crap about
cancer.) That's kind of private. We don't really talk
about it a lot because it involved her privates. (Oh great.
Subtle cancer humor. Edgy. Love it. Even if employing it means you
just sunk your chances with any girl who finds nothing funny about
heinous diseases that slowly kill beloved relatives. Whatever, you
don't need them.)
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You were amused by my profile, and I guess if you like sarcasm and
self deprecating humor.
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.