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24 Brooklyn, NY Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 20–45
  • Near me
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My details

Last online
Today – 5:58am
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body Type
Very often
Working on university
Rather not say
Likes dogs and likes cats
English, Spanish, French (Poorly)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I'm kind of just a self-involved, facetious manchild. So uh, mothers, lock up your daughters.

Mostly I'm just your basic white person. I love books and television and low culture and the internet. I moved to the BK pretty recently after graduating from the University of Maryland, which is like being expelled from Eden, except Eden is full of biddies and bars where everyone is grinding on each other all the time and saying that they love each other but they don't really love each other and they wake up in cold-lit apartments and realize again like they do every morning that There Is No End.

Brooklyn is dope though and adulthood, while depressing and anxiety-inducing, is like a fine chill thing indeed.

I came to New York to write and do comedy.

Mostly I am just bopping around and trying to enjoy myself before I die and all, and I have a pretty good time of it. Pizza tours, zoos, walking around casually in parks, they are all on the table, so just let me know if that sounds like fun to you. In fact, I don't even have to come. You can just tell me that those sounds fun and then just do them yourself you would probably enjoy it more.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I take files out of filing cabinets, make small adjustments to them, and then put them in other filing cabinets. For this they pay me more than bus drivers, cleaning ladies, and probably most teachers.

While that consumes a pretty bleak amount of my time, on the fringes I like to write, do stand up and improv, or "do projects", which is a broad and vague category of stupid things that I get really excited about doing for like three days and then never follow through with.

Also thinking up dog names. Would you name your dog Gabriel Garcia Barquez? I would, and I have. Not actually but I will.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Telling long-winded jokes. Lying. Presenting the boring minutia of my life as fascinating anecdotal experience. Encouraging my little brother to do things beneath the dignity of a twelve year old in order to get attention. Filling awkward silences with pretty genuine small talk until the silences become a conversation we never really wanted to have. Being undeservedly pleased with myself all the time. Oversharing my emotions on the internet. Facebook statuses.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My head is like, so fucking big, like on some Mario Incandenza shit sort of big
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Insofar as writers, so many of them. Isak Dinesen, Graham Greene, Haruki Murakami, Eudora Welty. John Updike Dalton Trumbo, Irwin Shaw, J.D. Salinger (I know, I know) Ezra Pound, Dave Eggers, Junot Diaz, Borges and Lorca and Neruda, Camus, Yeats, Baudelaire, Proust when I can manage it (which is pretty much never); everyone, everyone.

Mostly though, if I could be in a drinking contest with Ernest Hemingway, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, and William Faulkner, I'd die happy. Probably that night, from alcohol poisoning. I also don't drink so there's that.

I don't really watch movies. Every movie I've ever sat down to watch has been a thinly veiled front to initiate making out with someone.

Television, however, is probably my favorite thing in the world, and is the dominant art form of the modern age. Mad Men, Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, Parks and Rec, Bob's Burgers, Archer, Louis, New Girl (it is dope, trust me, and Liz Merriweather is the babe/a genius), just like fucking everything television is so great you have no idea.

I didn't know young people still listened to music.

I love food, from all sorts of places, and in my belly. I also love cooking it but I'm sort've sloppy.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Puns and hilarious wordplay


The internet and the grim but beautiful culture its bestowed upon us

The approval of my peers


I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
what a shallow and transparent caricature of a human being I am. How desperately I love everyone against how vehemently I hate everyone. How humankind has Othered itself into insatiable, impotent voyeurism, and how no one will ever truly understand anyone else.

I mean.

If dogs could talk, what sort of goofy things would they say?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
doing cool-guy stuff
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I want you to like me so much it's disgusting.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You like pizza and fun rapport. Pizzapport, I guess.