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Anyone that doesn't recognize the aforementioned "adjectives" as a line from a film should probably leave now. I don't care how good you claim your sense of humor to be, you just wouldn't get me. Extra bonus points if you can identify the film. Double extra if you can identify the actor (without the aid of a search engine or imdb.com)...

That said: I am a divorced, 50 year old, very proud father of four exceptionally bright and polite (maybe not always to each other) kids who spend half their time with me, and continue to rock my world daily. I also like to open with an incredibly long run on sentence. My mutts are a Rott/Lab named Kahlua, and a Beagle/Lab named Tia Maria. I graduated from U-M and toil as an IT Director (read: professional nerd/geek) for a relatively major fastener (nuts, bolts,,, yawn) distributor.

I enjoy cooking, and know how to clean up after myself (doesn't mean that I always do it). I am also very handy around the house, and proficient in the use of all manner of power and hand tools (nudge, nudge, wink, wink). I like travel (been to 47 states, and the south pacific for pleasure), and adventure (been sky diving and white water rafting many times). Knowing that whatever goes wrong is usually my own damned fault keeps me from taking myself too seriously. I don't hit people, but rather will hold the door open for them. I am loyal and faithful as a puppy dog (usually without soiling the carpet), and can mix a mean Margarita or Dirty Martini.

Physically, I share too many physical characteristics with Shrek than I care to admit. However, I'm not an Ogre (my skin's thick, but not green). I do work out (lift) regularly and bike or hike as often as possible. For those of you looking for someone "Athletic and Toned", I can do the athletic bit, but that toned part was nowhere to be found in the gene pool that I was dipped in. Not into dancing, as I was born with two left feet, and no rhythm, balance or coordination (can back it up with hospital records). However, I am willing to invest the required time and energy with a teacher that has a lot of patience, along with steel toed dancing shoes and shin guards.

Lots of hobbies, some geeky (astronomy), most not (photography, although that can get a little bit geeky, especially astro-photography). Love playing outdoors, pretty much anything on or near water or mountains. That includes camping (especially river or ocean side), swimming, snorkeling, sailing, tubing, jet skiing, canoeing and kayaking. I might even be convinced to strap on snow skis and throw myself down a mountain again (will need to consult with my orthopedist first). I love spoiling a good walk (golf, sorry Mr. Feinstein). I can usually be talked into trying just about anything once (except bowling,,, no bowling).

I have a large group of very close friends. The kids and I love to hang out with them and their families. We enjoy extreme Euchre, full contact Jenga, marathon movie watching and all manner of summertime activities with them. Spectator sports could be a problem a couple of times a year, as I am pretty fanatical about my kid's soccer, Meechigan football and Red Wing hockey (especially playoff time).

Four kids, two dogs and a decent audio system means my house is usually a noisy place. It is especially so at meal prep time, where we engage in group cook. Knives slashing, appliances whirring, burners burning; it is not for the faint of heart.

On the quieter side, I love watching extreme weather live (although that's not always so quiet), staring at the stars or a fire (preferably while sharing a bottle of wine and good thought provoking conversation, or just the comfort of someone special). Watching a good movie on dvd, or listening to good music works too.

My offbeat sense of humor is (almost) always at work. It ranges from dark and twisted to zany and madcap, often in the same sentence. Funny thing is, I was never the class clown. I love word play (the English language is a wonderful playground), and Carlinesque humor. Included in my favorite topics for conversation (debate, critique, opine) are politics, religion and music. I'm open and tolerant about the first two. Music too, as long as you don't make me think too hard about country.

There is a pretty good likelihood that we are here seeking the same thing: companionship and affection. I am aware that those are big words (three or more syllables each) with lots of nuance to their meaning. I am interested in someone who is honest and confident, yet compassionate, with a true sense of humor (that means not just laughing at what spews from my mouth, but also occasionally making my coffee, wine or beer pour from my nose). A little attitude (wit, sass and a touch of playful sarcasm) is required to put up with me. You should also be well educated and smarter than I am (not hard to do). Oh, it helps to have a wart or two, physical and/or psychological (admit to being human). I know that I do...

Trying to raise my children without screwing them up too much (having mixed results at the moment), and trying to remain gainfully employed in the unemployment capitol of the country, all the while trying to find humor in everything...

Empathy, working with my hands, solving problems, debating, remembering conversations, chafing at the bit...

I don't look as old as my driver's license says that I am. Babies stop crying, and dogs stop barking when I approach...

Books: The Potter series (literary crack), the Discworld series, the Hitchhiker's Guide series. Anything that teaches me something that I didn't already know (I can spend an entire afternoon chasing links in the Wikipedia).

Movies: Any Monty Python, Cohen Brothers, Zucker Brothers or Tarantino flicks. Good (smart) comedy, action/adventure/mystery. Not into horror/gore.

Music: Neil Young, Peter Gabriel, R.E.M., U2, B-52's, Pink Floyd, Beatles, most any Indie folk/rock (Wilco, Coldplay, Franz Ferdinand, Death Cab, Decemberists, etc. even though none of the first four can really be considered Indie anymore). Just heard School of Seven Bells on NPR. Gotta go get me some of that...

Food: Oriental, Middle Eastern, Indian, spicy hot...

My four kids, The Daves, and my family (those with whom I am still on friendly terms), NPR, music, my four legged hairballs. I know that actually adds up to more than six, but so what...

Self improvement, specifically learning lessons from mistakes, poor decisions/judgments etc. The number 42, and the question that it answers. The existence of a creator. How the same idiot can defraud the country and get himself secured into the White House not just once, but twice this century (not that I'm bitter or anything)...

Working out, then watching a dvd with my kids, if we haven't headed out for the weekend...

Nothing anyone's going to find out until I'm good and ready to tell them, and it won't be here...

You aren't bored to tears from reading all of this, and you actually found one or two (hopefully more) things that you like...

Oh yeah, and if you've kept your lunch down after viewing my pics...