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29 Des Moines, IA Man


I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 24–33
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
6′ 3″ (1.91m)
Body Type
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Has dogs

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I am this great, unstable mass of blood and foam.

I find myself spending an inordinate amount of time watching supercuts of film tropes. I just watched a 45-minute-long supercut of the entire script of Star Wars deconstructed and alphabetized. (What am I doing with my life?)

Sometimes I get a single phrase of a song stuck in my head for weeks on end. Right now it's, "My brother and my sister don't speak to me. But I don't blame them," from I Never Learnt to Share by James Blake.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Right now I'm focusing on being a pretentious shitbag and writing a stupid book that will never get published. Ask me about it.

Other than that, I go to open mic shows, work a shitty warehouse job, drink beer, play nerdy games, and enjoy a near-constant state of languor.

The rest of my time I waste beat-boxing at my roommate's dog until he starts barking at me.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Picking up on social cues.
Making people laugh when they have liquids in their mouth.
Pretending to be serious.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My biting wit.
My loud and discomforting laugh.
The stern visage of indifference.

Hopefully it's one of those things, and not anything that would confirm the paranoia of my body dysmorphia.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I already said I'm pretentious, but in case you need more proof...

Top 5 Books:
5. Nostromo by Joseph Conrad
4. Ubik by Philip K. Dick
3. Light in August by William Faulkner
2. Falconer by John Cheever
1. An American Tragedy by Theodore Dreiser

Top 5 Movies:
5. Solaris
4. Persona
3. Tokyo Story
2. The Passion of Joan of Arc
1. In the Mood for Love

Top 5 Musicians:
5. Patti Smith
4. Bill Withers
3. Van Morrison
2. Stevie Wonder
1. John Darnielle/The Mountain Goats

Top 5 Podcasts:
5. Stuff You Should Know
4. WTF
3. Uhh Yeah Dude
2. My Brother, My Brother, and Me
1. You Made it Weird

Top 5 Standup Comedians:
5. Jen Kirkman
4. Pete Holmes
3. T.J. Miller
2. John Mulaney
1. Hannibal Burress
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1. Pizza
2. Beer
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Inane bullshit.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Trying to write, but ultimately succumbing to my unyielding desire to watch some shitty movie on Netflix. Occasionally I can be found making fun of people at a bar.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Mean Girls is my actual favorite movie.

One time, instead of apologizing to a woman for cutting her in line at Fong's, I asked her, "Oh my God, did you tattoo your face?"

One time I drank gin from a plastic bag.

Sometimes I get really paranoid and think I have developed a lazy eye that all my friends are too polite to tell me about.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
Fuck, I don't know?

Message me if you think I look like a dead relative.

Or if you want to make fun of strangers.