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29 Des Moines, IA Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 24–33
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Today – 8:27pm
6′ 3″ (1.91m)
Body Type
Has dogs
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Some of you may laugh at me because you already figured this out, but I had a bit of an epiphany while I was working tonight. You know that annoying thing women do where they explain all their problems and then get mad at you if you try to help solve them? I get it now. It's all part of empathy.

I really dislike when someone tries to defuse a situation. Like, if I get mad at you because I think you're being petty and I call you out, don't fucking say, "I'm sorry," or change the subject. That's fucking rude. I have decided to be angry, and you're trying to make me not angry. You should, instead, help me be angry. Just like, if you're depressed, you don't want someone to come and cheer you up. That's patronizing, and a little arrogant. You just want someone to agree with you about how shitty and pointless life is.

So the next time a girl complains to me about Tina from accounting, I won't say, "Well maybe you should just avoid her." Instead, I'll say, "Tina sounds like a fucking bitch."
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Right now I'm focusing on being a pretentious shitbag and writing a stupid book that will never get published. Ask me about it. To supplement this pipe dream, I work for a Hy-Vee distributor. It's mostly soul-crushing, but I tend to revel in misery, so it works for me.

Sometimes I drink and play board games with friends. Other times I drink and watch movies with friends.

The rest of my time I waste beat-boxing at my roommate's dog until he starts barking at me.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Picking up on social cues.
Making people laugh when they have liquids in their mouth.
Pretending to be serious.
Shaking my head, turning to a stranger, sighing, and saying, "White people."
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My biting wit.
My loud and discomforting laugh.
The stern visage of indifference.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I already said I'm pretentious, but in case you need more proof...

Top 5 Books:
5. Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy
4. Ubik by Philip K. Dick
3. Light in August by William Faulkner
2. Falconer by John Cheever
1. An American Tragedy by Theodore Dreiser
Currently reading: Beloved by Toni Morrison

Top 5 Movies:
5. Solaris
4. Persona
3. Tokyo Story
2. The Passion of Joan of Arc
1. In the Mood for Love
Most recently viewed: Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day (It was bad)

Top 5 Musicians:
5. Patti Smith
4. Bill Withers
3. Van Morrison
2. Stevie Wonder
1. John Darnielle/The Mountain Goats
Currently digging: DJ Koze

Top 5 Podcasts:
5. Stuff You Should Know
4. WTF
3. Uhh Yeah Dude
2. My Brother, My Brother, and Me
1. You Made it Weird
Recently binged: Dead Authors Podcast

Top 5 Standup Comedians:
5. Jen Kirkman
4. Pete Holmes
3. T.J. Miller
2. John Mulaney
1. Hannibal Burress
Currently laughing at: Paul F. Tompkins
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1. Pizza
2. Beer
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Inane bullshit.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Serenading strangers with Disney songs.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
One time, instead of apologizing to a woman for cutting her in line at Fong's, I asked her, "Oh my God, did you tattoo your face?"

One time I drank gin from a plastic bag.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You know a tattoo artist that can draw like Robert Williams.