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28 M Des Moines, IA

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 8:51pm
6′ 3″ (1.91m)
Body Type
Art / Music / Writing
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
English (Fluently)

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My self-summary
I am this great, unstable mass of blood and foam.

I find myself spending an inordinate amount of time watching supercuts of film tropes. Did you know there's a supercut of every "fuck" said in The Wolf of Wall Street? It's about five minutes long.

Sometimes I get a single phrase of a song stuck in my head for weeks on end. Right now it's, "...and you're standing here beside me; I love the passage of time," from This Must Be the Place by Talking Heads.
What I’m doing with my life
Right now I'm focusing on being a pretentious shitbag and writing a stupid book that will never get published. Ask me about it.

Other than that, I go to open mic comedy shows at House of Bricks, drink beer, play nerdy games, and enjoy a near-constant state of languor.
I’m really good at
Picking up on social cues.
Making people laugh when they have liquids in their mouth.
Pretending to be serious.
The first things people usually notice about me
My biting wit.
My loud and discomforting laugh.
The stern visage of indifference.

Hopefully it's one of those things, and not anything that would confirm the paranoia of my body dysmorphia.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Top 5 Books:
5. Nostromo by Joseph Conrad
4. Ubik by Philip K. Dick
3. Light in August by William Faulkner
2. Falconer by John Cheever
1. An American Tragedy by Theodore Dreiser

Top 5 Movies:
5. Solaris
4. Persona
3. Tokyo Story
2. The Passion of Joan of Arc
1. In the Mood for Love

Top 5 Musicians:
5. Patti Smith
4. Bill Withers
3. Van Morrison
2. Stevie Wonder
1. John Darnielle/The Mountain Goats

Top 5 Podcasts:
5. Stuff You Should Know
4. WTF
3. Uhh Yeah Dude
2. My Brother, My Brother, and Me
1. You Made it Weird

Top 5 Standup Comedians:
5. Jen Kirkman
4. Pete Holmes
3. T.J. Miller
2. John Mulaney
1. Hannibal Burress
The six things I could never do without
1. Podcasts
2. Comedy
3. Copious amounts of caffeine
4. Affirmation
5. Plaid shirts
6. Intelligent conversation
On a typical Friday night I am
Trying to write, but ultimately succumbing to my unyielding desire to watch some shitty movie on Netflix. Occasionally I can be found making fun of people at a bar.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Whenever I make a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich, which is often because I'm a manchild, I wipe the extra peanut-butter that's stuck to the knife onto the other half of the sandwich. But when I do that, I always wipe it in the shape of a pentagram because, "Hail Satan!"
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 24–33
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
Fuck, I don't know?

Message me if you think I look like a dead relative.

Or tell me all about how you think 9/11 was an inside job.

Better yet, forward me every creepy message you get. I want to laugh at your expense.

Or we could play a game of out-hipster.