Forgive any seeming pretentiousness of the following statement but I would be remiss not to start out with saying that spirituality and a kind of strong sense of focus in regards to kind of have having a living breathing experience of the true nature of Life of who I am is really the kind of central navigating force for me..That being said I seem to be one who is always drawn to decorate loving seriousness with goofy light hearted playing with life . I work, I make up silly jokes on command, I play, I act ridiculous, I eat cupcakes in the middle of the night half asleep lying in bed, I am an avid practitioner of playing with life and being an absurd benovolent goofball ..
It's hugely important to me not to let any sense of purpose or intention I bring into the moment- whether this intention has to with spirituality, career, or Okcupiding- to not let this subtly or not subtly be just another agent to deny/repress my humanness- to whitewash the seeming messy imperfection sometimes beauty, sometimes weirdness that is presenting itself up to me in this very moment..in this present chapter of being a fully alive creature on this pretty cool at times and kind of icky at times Planet Earth..to anestisize this sometimes seeming challenging predicament with a habitual focus on looking ahead to that ideal future when I will finally let the dance floor be open to All of the parts of me that want party in and celebrate once XYZ goal is accomplished..the adventure of seeking and striving has it's own little secret pleasures but I have stuffed myself pretty full on the stale twinkies on tap on on the Seeking Fulfillment in Future Local Train and am now really digging exploring with just playing in the mud on the Express Train to Awesome Scary Messy Earthiness Present Moment Ville. I still take the wrong train most of the time but the dawning on me there really is choice always available I pretty grateful for.
I would say I am definitely open to meeting like-minded friends..also kind of one foot in-one foot out open to a super serious relationship developing.. I certainly don't have a particular need for this and mabye last year I would have said "Oh no no no not for me I am am happy just being an affable loner and will get my relational fill with friends, nature, and bi-weekly TV binge watching of the human drama" ..but I can intuitively see how it is possible big L "Life" might bring something like a relationship into my life-especially for someone like myself whose personal preferences have always been for me the most part to be alone- especially since it seems Grace has been busy the last few years tearing down so many of the other precious little glass houses of personal preferences I have used in this life to hide out from my self. In the past I was I guess semi-consciously weary of the place I was entering into dating from- a kind of looking for a solution to some dark emptiness inside of the depths of Andy that I did not how to fill, how to satiate, how to avoid, how to cure so whatever was seemingly found was something that felt inauthentic and not tenable to stay with as the direction of the journey really had to be a very intentional diving within not seeking outside of myself. Having done this with some authenticity I think & coming quite a long way in this I guess inner unfolding the feeling of a greater openness and quietness within it seems perhaps to be speaking to me that being open to meeting others in this forum could unfold in a much different way....Who Knows? Let's see :)