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33 Smyrna, DE Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 26–34
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Today – 12:37pm
5′ 11″ (1.80m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Atheism, and somewhat serious about it
Taurus, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Sales / Marketing
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I am a wizard and I am made of magic.

You know those guys that go to the gym and insist on dropping their dumbbells on the floor after every exercise as though they (the guys, not the dumbbells) were members of Satan's infernal menagerie and the dumbbells' handles were meticulously crafted from the bones of dead Popes and slathered in Mother Teresa's saliva? I am the diametrical opposite of those dudes; their dudely ways are anathema to me.

I've been known to climb a rock or two in my day. I was once a sprightly young lad with the strength of, uh, one man; in the twilight of my wasted youth I rattle bony fists at the heavens, seeking REDRESS for the grave injustices of age, all the while beating on, a boat against the current, borne back ceaselessly blah blah blah.

(Actually, I'm still a solid boulderer. Ha ha, jokes!)

(ACTUALLY, actually, I'm kind of out of shape right now. As Andre 3000 would say, I'm just being honest.)

My face looks about five years younger than it should*. Ladies with a preference for strategy over tactics, take note. *wink* (oh god what the hell are you even writing here) I'm not on that Dorian Gray trip, though, so you don't have to worry about my face suddenly taking on the appearance of hot wax dripped onto burnt leather if we go on a date. Though that would be a wicked party trick. No, we cannot "try it out."

* A fact that caused a modicum of awkwardness when I was 20. When people ask your boss why she's hiring 15-year-olds, that is a problem.

My voice is acrobatic -- I have some serious range. If I could sing worth a damn, maybe that would come in handy. I can make some deliciously odd sounds, though, so I'll take solace in the knowledge that I'll probably make an especially spooky ghost (Can ghosts haunt other ghosts? This is a burning question. It burns with something that burns really bright. And hot).

My religion is pizza. It is the one true god. I started a food blog (a "flog"). Read it here: Derek Eats Food

This is my favorite joke:
"A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre. The bartender gives it to her."

I like people who are strong but kind, who have a bit of an edge but aren't so caustic as to melt the flesh from a man's bones. More lemon juice, less battery acid. If you enjoy physical activity, that's a mark in your favor.

And now, a list of true facts:

-- I'm a sucker for redemption narratives.
-- I'm an autodidact.
-- I eat healthy meals . . . most of the time.
-- Quiet at first, talkative later.
-- I enjoy absurd humor.
-- I like kids, but I don't want any of my own.
-- Late Spring and early Fall make me happy.
-- I'd rather be hot than cold.
-- Showers are amazing. Baths are amazing. I do fancy my ablutions.
-- I learned to read when I was 2. I might have peaked early.
-- I hate escalators with every fiber of my being. I do not fear them, I hate them. There is a difference.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I currently work in marketing for a small publishing company. I do social media, email, copywriting, ad design, blogging. These days, my job mostly consists of designing and coding webpages. Formerly an editor for the same company.

I want to move to am moving to Colorado! Late September/Early October.

Otherwise, I don't know. And that's thrilling in some ways, because I want to do so many things that it's hard for me to decide. I want to write dystopian science-fiction novels and essays on music. I want to code beautiful websites. I want to draw silly animated pictures. I want to build a tiny house and tow it across the country. I want to quit my job and start a band. I want to help struggling kids learn to read, learn to do math, learn to think, learn to appreciate the world around them. I want to end every day knowing more than I did when I woke. And sometimes I just want to lay around.

What I am doing with my life is trying feverishly to hold onto those dreams while managing my responsibilities. I'm an adult. Wheeeeeeeeee!

So, yeah, um. I don't know what I'm doing with my life.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Writing fake menu items for upscale restaurants. Ask me about Food Innovations sometime.

Entertaining myself.


Self-awareness (mostly).

Coming up with vocal harmonies for songs with only one vocalist.

I can also do a mean one-handed cartwheel.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Many people would probably say eyes or eyelashes or both.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Snow Crash
Cloud Atlas
Harry Potter
The Phantom Tollbooth
Basically anything by P.G. Wodehouse.
Too many to list here.

Blade Runner
The Princess Bride
Indiana Jones movies
The Goonies
Hot Fuzz
(I don't watch a lot of movies. I should probably change that.)

Active Child, Al Green, Alcest, Arcade Fire, Bach, Belle and Sebastian, Boris, Broken Social Scene, Chopin, Daft Punk, Dawnbringer, Death From Above 1979, Deftones, Dinosaur Jr., Disclosure, DJ Shadow, Ford & Lopatin, Frank Ocean, Franz Ferdinand, Grimes, Hercules & Love Affair, In Solitude, Iron Maiden, Japandroids, Jay-Z, Joanna Gruesome, Judas Priest, Kanye West, LCD Soundsystem, Les Savy Fav, M83, My Bloody Valentine, Nachtmystium, Outkast, Passion Pit, Phoenix, Pixies, Rachmaninoff, Radiohead, RJD2, Rogue Wave, Run the Jewels, Smashing Pumpkins, Snowden, The Avalanches, The Flaming Lips, The Fucking Champs, The Go! Team, The Shins, The Unicorns, The xx, Thee Oh Sees, Torche, TV on the Radio, Vampire Weekend, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, and tons more

Bizarre Love Triangle is one of my favorite songs of all time.

I'm not picky in the slightest. I love finding new foodstuffs with which to stuff my face. Take me to your favorite eatery?

Cereal atop ice cream is practically the most glorious combination of comestibles imaginable. If you've never tried it, get on that immediately. I suggest pairing Golden Grahams with Fudge Ripple. A delectable masterwork.

Apples. I will not turn down the chance to try a type of apple I've never tried before.

Also, I like food with plenty of spice and heat.

Board games
Settlers of Catan.

Video games
Dark Souls. Full stop.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
If I could never again have any of the following six items, I don't think I'd live a very happy life.

1. Black coffee
2. The internet
3. An electric guitar and amp
4. Books of all genres
5. Exercise (I get cranky in the absence of regular exercise)
6. A bit of time alone now and again
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Wizards. Pizza.

Why American culture has such a narrow definition of masculinity.

Also, this:
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I get depressed sometimes. It's sort of a family tradition. I'm managing it very well right now, though. :D
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
. . . well, first of all, you should definitely message me if you want to hear more about Food Innovations.

. . . you have a Scottish accent and you want to read to me. Is that weird? It's probably weird. And I don't care.

But you should certainly message me if you're intrigued by anything you've read here.