I have no idea what to write here, so I've enlisted the help of famed novelist Stephen King to help out. Thanks Stephen!
"Right. Hi. Rick here is..."
My name is Jeff.
"Sorry. Jeff is...well, he's male. And he has brown hair. And..."
Enough of that. You're an amazing author, make me sound exciting!
"Jeff was born with the fiery mists of dawn swirling around his body. Before he could walk, Jeff mastered thirteen different languages, his tongue a tool that knew no boundaries. At twelve, Jeff entered the Olympics and took Silver in archery."
"Jeff took Gold in archery. At eighteen, he had made love to every woman west of the Mississippi River, even though he lived in Chicago most of his life. Jeff is now twenty six and, having saved thirty men of dysentery on his way to LA, is looking to further his astounding life."
Perfect. Thanks Stephen.
"That'll be four grand."