I've always considered it a nightmare to have to one day say "well kids, I met your father on the internet."
but in the name of openmindedness, f*** it. Here goes...

I miss Dave Chappelle.

I enjoy outdoor activities (preferably with someone) - kayaking, hiking, etc - just a teeny bit less than snuggling up to my guy on the couch for a movie or completing the NYT sunday crossword. I am a novice surfer, been snowboarding for years but I'm no stuntlady.

I'm not into astrology, but I totally fit the Aquarian description.

I played catch with a pair of scissors one rainy day in preschool. After 20 years I just had eye surgery to correct the results of THAT game.

I like big dogs - I look forward to the day I can have one of my own.

My job last year had me waistdeep in a tidepool to pull a fresh human corpse out of the water. Then I went out to lunch and ate an omelette in my soaking wet pants and shoes. Delicious!

I'm an elitist about the things that matter - candy, beer (even tho I don't drink it anymore), music, movies, transmissions, etc.

I think video games are retarded - I want my future kids to be cut up and bruised from climbing trees and riding bikes, not fat-assed in front of the TV being conditioned for army drone piloting. If my kid is camping outside BestBuy waiting for Halo1000 to come out, I will consider myself a failure as a parent.

I'm affectionate, a big snuggler. I love sex too, but not with small penises - I refuse to have a sexlife that is 'work'. Let's not have a huge conversation about it - just save us both the heartbreak and don't message me if you have one.

I drink tea at all times and have an extremely specific and demanding sweet tooth. I buy Haribo in bulk and consider it the only gummy worth eating.

I don't wear makeup unless it's a special occasion and someone else puts it on me - bad eye, remember? :)

When confronted with cheesy movies, I become the missing 4th member of Mystery Science Theater. Bad writing is a serious epidemic these days.
People who don't speak Movie disappoint me. :-\

Travel is an important passtime.

If you dig getting wasted/stoned often, keep searching. I can hang with mild drinking, but I get bored to death around drunks.

Heading back to school to pursue a career in wildlife veterinary medicine, and volunteering at the Oakland Zoo in the vet clinic and with the elephants. I'm also at the Berkeley Humane Society on Friday afternoons taking the dogs out for their last walk of the day.

I'd prefer to meet someone who wants to spend their professional life making a positive impact on people/the planet, rather than promoting consumption or making and spending tons of money...so the advertising, sales etc personality doesn't really mesh with me.

swatting flies
making people laugh
ceramics
baking scrumptious fruit crisps
finding my way around (I have a rather masculine sense of direction)
crossword puzzles (and jigsaws for that matter)
learning new games and kicking your ass - my recent conquest is Dominoes
movie heckling and sustaining volleys of witty remarks
driving (I'm not your typical 'female driver')
living and letting live
backing up a truck and trailer
losing chapstick before I get to the end
processing thoughts in writing

About 30% of those I meet say I have an accent, which is bull since I was born and raised in CA.

People say I have a distinctive voice - the customer service reps in India call me 'sir' sometimes and I don't bother to correct them... I just keep asking them what their real name is. Charlie and Jennifer my a**.

Movies: the Big Lebowski, Lars & the Real Girl, The Wackness, Me & You & Everyone We Know, Old School, This is Spinal Tap, Office Space, I <3 Huckabees, Talladega Nights, Half Nelson, The Royal Tenenbaums, The Prestige, Garden State, Mystery Science Theater 3000; the occasional offbeat documentary. I think the Wire was one of the best shows ever, but I'm not one of those Wire groupies you might have run into around these parts...

Music: accross the board - I have huge collection that will take years to go through - Peanut Butter Wolf, RJD2, Z-trip and other djs; the Heptones, Gregory Isaacs and old reggae & rocksteady; The Roots, Crown City Rockers, Souls of Mischief, Nightmares on Wax and hip hop; Taj Mahal, G Love and Special Sauce, the Black Keys, Elliott Smith; old U2, Portishead, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, TOOL. Vedder, Weiland and Maynard will always have a special place in my heart...

My ipod has taken a back seat to NPR in the car - that's right, I am an avid listener of the commie station.
*Republicans: this is your cue to exit*

Books: The Prophet, Catcher in the Rye, The Kite Runner, Rituals

I love anything with lots of spice or fresh flavor - Vietnamese, Ethiopian, Thai, Indian, Morroccan...
I hate olives, capers and anchovies.
I'm not a vegetarian but the more I learn about food, the more I think I should lean to that side of the spectrum...

If any of these are among your 'favorites', we're gonna have issues: Nickelback, Nicholas Cage, Star Wars/any sci-fi costumes, Ed Hardy and other douche trash apparel, PT Cruisers, Elijah Wood, slamming on your brakes in the Caldecott, Blink 182, Steven Segal, 94.9 FM, National Treasure, Warcraft/Halo/etc, Big Trouble in Little China (and pretty much any Kurt Russell film), Harley Davidsons, Andre Nickatina, bong rips, closing the bar, Twizzlers, cigarettes, Love Actually, fast food.

Why 6? very untidy number...

1) Haribo gummy bears or mini frogs
2) Humor
3) Sunglasses
4) physical affection
5) tea with milk & sugar in a stainless steel mug to keep it hot - few things disappoint like lukewarm tea
6) a firm sleeping surface - ever slept on a tempurpedic with someone heavier than you? Worst mattress ever.

Every time I hear a corny commercial on the radio/tv, I picture the sorry tool who pitched the idea to a conference room full of douchebags in suits who approved it - as well as the singer who can belt out an over-emphatic jingle about plumbing supplies with a straight face, and how many takes it took to do it

I get stage fright in bathrooms - If anyone can hear me, I clam up!

you are incredibly witty, have a superb sense of humor, or both :D (which is required for swallowing the following:)

you enjoy a good snuggle

you graduated college - or at least are smart enough to have done so but have some amazing story - and using the correct homonym is not a challenge for you :) I CANNOT hang with an average brain.

your appendage isn't small - let's say >6" (why delay the disappointment?)

you don't drink too often, or at least don't get wasted when you do... and/or have grown out of your stoner lifestyle. I've tried to fight the consensus that it's not very possible for a recovering alcoholic to date someone who drinks and/OR smokes, but it's just SO much easier to stick with someone who doesnt...

you don't listen to gay bands like Nickelback, Blink182 or Matchbox 20

you're not a nerd who thinks his mangy facial hair is cool - I don't trust a man with a mustache, and the anal retentive chinstraps and flavr savrs just make you look gay

you're not a Neo-Con or right winger, gamer, military/law enforcement man (see "graduated college" and appendage cutoff above), serious about a religion, or over 34.