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Havoc23

31 Madison, WI Man

Man

I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 21–39
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Today – 5:59am
Orientation
Bisexual
Ethnicity
White
Height
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Body Type
Overweight
Diet
Strictly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Never
Religion
Sign
Pisces, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Working on university
Job
Student
Income
Relationship Status
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Non-monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly), French (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
The following are some important things about me, listed in approximate order of how likely they are to turn you away. That's not me being self-deprecating; that's me being forthright about the fact that, in many ways, I'm not what the average person is looking for on this site. I like you, and I know that your time is valuable, and I wouldn't have you spend more of it than is necessary reading this profile. On the other hand, a certain small percentage of you will read through this list and discover a series of attributes you find (minimally) acceptable or (ideally) desirable. If you happen to be part of this group, I'd love to hear from you.

* I'm not single. I am, in fact, in a committed relationship of 7+ years with a person I intend to stay with for the rest of my life. My relationship style is consensual non-monogamy (you can call it polyamory if that word makes you happier). This means that I am able to have multiple romantic and/or sexual relationships at the same time, all with the enthusiastic, informed consent of my partner(s). I define "relationship" loosely in this context; it could be anything from a friendship that includes occasional sex to a more serious commitment. I follow a primary/secondary(/tertiary) relationship model. I know some poly practitioners aren't on board with this idea, but it works for me. I already have a primary partner; I am not looking for a new primary or co-primary.

* I'm kinky. I won't go into explicit detail here, but suffice it to say, kink and fetish are important parts of my sexuality. I don't necessarily need you to be kinky (although it's a bonus), but I need you to be ok with the fact that I am.

* I'm fat. I'm trying to be ok with this, and also trying to change it, which is a source of some cognitive dissonance. I think fat acceptance and body positivity are awesome, though I struggle to view my own situation with the same enthusiasm. I am actively trying to lose weight, because being smaller seems to make me happier. I acknowledge that an appreciable portion of this happiness comes from falling more in line with societal norms that I find offensive, and I'm not thrilled about that aspect of it. At the same time, it's hard to argue with happiness.

* I'm not straight. "Queer" and "bisexual" are both identifiers that work for me. I think that "bi-" is an etymological artifact that doesn't imply belief in binary gender, and I'd be happy to discuss that issue further if it's something you find interesting or contentious. In any case, I am attracted to people of all genders, though broadly speaking I tend to be more attracted to feminine or androgynous gender expressions.

* I'm non-religious. I'm also not anti-religious, and I have difficulty wearing the "atheist" label for that reason. I am very scientifically minded and place a great deal of value on rational thought. I appreciate and respect the role that faith plays in many people's lives, but I have a hard time relating to people for whom faith is central.

* I'm a feminist, especially in the sense that intersectionalism has made contemporary feminism something of a central hub for issues of social equity across the dimensions of gender, sexuality, race, class, ability, etc.

* I'm radically liberal on most issues. However, I find party politics to be generally tedious and largely a waste of time. I probably think voting is less important than you do.

[Meta: I've recently found that many of the high percentage matches suggested by OkCupid are fundamentally incompatible with me in some way. To try to address this situation, I've decided to reset my questions and answer only the small subset that deals directly with things that would be "dealbreakers" for me or a potential match. Hopefully this will make the matching algorithm more effective, but at the same time it means that that section of my profile will be less informative than it could be.]
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I returned to school in 2010, initially to pursue a technical degree, but soon decided to complete a bachelor's instead. It's taken me a little longer than I would have liked (a lot longer if you count the years I spent working thankless retail jobs), but I'm approaching the end of that path. If all goes to plan, I should graduate with a degree in computer science in either fall 2015 or spring 2016.

So, my day to day life is a lot of going to classes and doing homework and trying not to feel weirded out by how much younger everyone else is.

I'm also a part time barista, which helps pay the bills.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Making latte art. Trivia. Cooking.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm an introvert, so I think they assume I don't like people. In fact, the opposite is true...I'm just better at interacting with people one-on-one, especially when there's something there to break the ice (alcohol works shockingly well, for example, as does a conversation partner who's not afraid to take the lead a bit). In larger social settings I tend to go into observer mode, but that doesn't mean that I'm not engaged or not having fun.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I choose to interpret this question as "six favorite physical objects." My answer would change if taken literally (e.g., oxygen) or if it were a list of more conceptual "things" (e.g., freedom).

1. Laptop
2. Cell phone
3. Espresso machine
4. Backpack
5. Headphones
6. Boots
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Data structures, algorithms, recursion, propositional logic. Privilege and equity. Sexism. Homophobia, transphobia, biphobia. The fact that this browser's spell checker doesn't think biphobia is a word, and that that's kind of biphobic (also a little recursive). Calories and macronutrients.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Often at home, sometimes working, occasionally out at a bar.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
I don't think it's too complicated; if you've made it this far and you think you'd like to get to know me better, message away. Even short messages are appreciated, although I do prefer at least some acknowledgement that you've read my profile.

I tend to take profiles at face value and respect stated boundaries/preferences. I.e., if you say you're only looking for single people or don't like beards or I'm outside of your desired age range, I'm very unlikely to message you. So if such circumstances apply, but you're interested in talking, you'd do well to take the initiative.

For the most part, I'm focused on meeting people in real life. That means you should be relatively local and relatively interested in getting a cup of coffee.