Adjectives: Intelligent, witty, sarcastic, absurd, comical, studly, sage, creative, honest, faithful, crude, laid back, and devilishly sexy.

Nouns: Chicken, lobster, hamper, nacho, nachohamper, obelisk, fedora, lenses, firetruck, cushion, chloroplast, hominy, yeast, clown, teeth, cereal, and sauce.

The adjectives describe me. The nouns are tangible objects with no relation to me whatsoever, except for "nachohamper". I meticulously crafted the word.

Activities I enjoy: Writing, reading, cooking, eating, playing pool, drinking beer, listening to music, learning, hiking, kayaking, cracking self-deprecating jokes, cracking filthy jokes, watching movies, attending concerts, thinking about my zombie survival plan, and pondering the existence and mysteries of the universe.

Well, right now I'm typing about what I'm doing with my life. Earlier I ate a ham and cheese sandwich and masturbated, but not at the same time and not in that order. Don't worry, I washed my hands...I think.

All joking aside (though it pains me to do so), I am currently enrolled in a junior college with plans to transfer in the near future to a university. My ultimate goal is to become a freelance writer, college professor, or E.I.C.. Writing and teaching concurrently would be perfect, as professors typically get their summers off, and long periods of monotonous routine drives me bat-shit crazy.

Everything. Really. I'm super competitive, but I am not a sore loser. To be more specific, I am very good at writing, cooking, cunnilingus, pool(billiards), karaoke, cunnilingus, reading people, and did I mention cunnilingus? Wow, I must be coming off a little pervy...

I'm really not good at
Fellatio. I tried to perform it on myself once and nearly broke my neck. Sorry for that image.

My long hair and beard. For some reason people tell me that I don't belong in Southern California. I tell them to fuck off.

Books: Hunger, The Old Man And The Sea, Notes From The Underground, The Brothers Karamazov, 1984, Heart Of Darkness, Survivor, East of Eden, On The Road, 100 Years of Solitude, A Brief History of Time, A Brave New World, The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test, The Stranger, The Bible (It's so funny!), Macbeth, Leaves of Grass, Howl, and too many to name.

Authors: Hemingway, Whitman, Steinbeck, Shakespeare, Kerouac, Ginsberg, Bukowski, Hamsun, Orwell, Palahniuk, Dostoevsky, Woolf, among others.

Movies: Pulp Fiction, anything by Tarantino, Silence of the Lambs, Halfbaked, Requiem For A Dream, Unbreakable, Fight Club (wait, I'm not supposed to talk about it), The Big Lebowski, The Thing, any realistic zombie flicks (NOT an oxymoron), and so many more.

Television: LOST, South Park, Family Guy, Metalocalypse, Survivorman, almost everything on the History and Discovery channels, ATHF, Simpsons, Top Chef, Iron Chef, and BBC News (Fuck CNN, FoxNews, and MSNBC! How can anyone watch that brainwashing, biased, irrelevant, backassward, agenda pushing bullshit?).

Music: Nine Inch Nails, Tool, APC, The Beatles, Pink Floyd, Radiohead, Deftones, Beethoven, Atmosphere, Snoop Dogg, Sublime, The Doors, Pantera, Mozart, RATM, Sigor Ros, Zuzu's Time Machine(check them out on Myspace!), Deadmau5, Swedish House Mafia... I have very eclectic tastes.

Food: Um, EVERYTHING!!!! Wait, everything except mushrooms. How do you people eat that shit? Yes, I said "you people." Sue me. I am not a vegan/vegetarian because it would be impossible for me to abdicate consuming the flesh of animals. So tasty!

1: Books
2: Coffee
3: My Cigs
4: Some way to empty my testicles
5: Greasy Food
6: Music
7: Pencil and Paper

Yeah, I chose seven: I have never been one to follow the rules. Gotta stick it to the man.

Literature. I'm an English major. Oh, and my penis. His name is Ned.

Working then going out to the local bar with some buddies. On the occasion that I do neither of those things, I enjoy eating babies. I cook them first though; I'm not a fucking monster.

Well, I'll admit anything, but it turns me on when a girl is comfortable enough around me to fart. If she intentionally blasts me it's even better.

You read my profile and enjoyed my filthy sense of humor, my brutal honesty, and my sexy, sexy pictures. Or if you want me to stick my froghelmet in your nachohamper.