Yo. Read this shit first and abandon all hope ye whom ignore this.
1. If I needed a healer in a game, would you be it?
2. If I wanted to watch anime, would you watch it with me?
3. Are you able to entertain yourself without me present?
3 is nonnegotiable, however 1 or 2 is acceptable. Must get 2/3 before I will even consider reading your message, because, we're just not meant to be otherwise. Sorry doll.
Sup? Let's get this shit started, lazy people be warned, this shits long. I've kissed all up and down its neck and collarbone, pinned it down and pulled its hair, grabbed it by the hips then unleashed a most furious load of personality all over this profile. So, buckle in, its gonna be a ride! So please, try to control your orgasms as you read through my short story of a profile.
Please, no Jesus freaks. If you list the bible as one of your favorite books, go to church and bible study groups every spare chance you get, press the god damn back button now...FUCKING. NOW. If you already have a kid, chances are you can go ahead and just leave now, however, exceptions are made in some cases to this rule. I'd rather not get involved with that kind of drama. Also, if you're looking for a submissive little bitch boy, you're in for a rude awakening with me. *And please for the love of fuck, don't message me if you're really far away. NOTHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN. I GIVE. ZERO FUCKS.*
Yes yes, I reply selectively. I don't stick my dick into every girl that comes knocking, asks or begs...yes some do that.
I'll give you a moment to look at the pictures first...Done? Okay, fantastic, let's continue.
Names' Jake and I'm a nerd...and probably a sociopath. No, seriously, I'm probably a sociopath. No, that's not the kind that cuts people up...I'm half Brazilian and you guessed it, white. Man look at you, so fucking smart. I'm a joker. I'm sarcastic. I'm very good at making people laugh and I like to often. I'm more the calm and collected type of person, very patient, and a planner. I'm charismatic, and I enjoy just talking to people. Because of that I can generally figure people out pretty quick, and am a good judge of character. I also analyze people very quickly and am very observant of people, how they act and what they say.
To me, FUN isn't getting blackout drunk every night. Frankly I don't even like getting drunk and really can't understand why people do. I find getting drunk and breaking things is quite barbaric. That said I do enjoy a nice Jack and Coke every here and there. Personally, I am a gamer. I play Call of Duty, League of Legends, and used WoW (bonus points if you can guess what class I main) from time to time. But with that said I'm not the type of guy that will neglect his lady person to go play games all the time. So if you're also a gamer, we'll get along great. If not, no worries, games aren't the only thing to my personality.
Oh...you enjoy honesty in a man do you? Great. You'll get it from me. Good ol' brutal honesty. All the time. You'll never have to guess what I'm thinking because I'll just tell you. And if you're lucky it will be with a dose of sarcasm! I'm a man of my word. I never lie and will quickly call bullshit with no fucks given.
Also, here's a spoiler, I can seem like an asshole sometimes. If someone does or says something dumb/stupid I can't resist the urge to point it out, most of the time in a very sarcastic form. Fuck me right?
I'm a Leo and also have an Alpha personality. People have told me that they are often intimated by me but at the same time feel very safe. Weird right?
Still with me? Hi, Hello? Fucking amazing, keep it up champ. Here's another shocker, I cuss like a sailor. If this is a problem, then man is that back button lookin pretty? It must be shocking to see what a guy is like when he has a spine and not trying to kiss your ass and say exactly what he thinks you want to hear so he can get inside your vagina.
The thought of just sleeping with anything that comes my way isn't very appealing to me. I have standards. Sex isn't my primary goal, sure I'm honest enough to tell you that it's probably on my mind, I'm a guy after all...Anywho, I'm looking for a lady person. Not a cum dump. I'm passed the one night stands phase...come to think of it I wasn't in it for long anyway. But what I'm looking for is a partner. Someone I can eventually share my life with. Kids. The whole Shasmeinfoefnjeknf. <-Yup, That's a real word I just made up? Don't like it, loldon'tcare.
Want to know if you're my time. Easy.
Can you handle simple or even complicated problems, should they arise, without my intervention? Yes? Good, You're it.
Are you attractive? Yes? You're it.
Are you a complete cunt, no? Good. You're it.
Do you like the same shit I like? Yes? You're it.
Are you fit and in shape, not in "shapes"? Go to the gym, walks or runs regularly? Then you're my type.
Do you look like Ahri or Katrina from League of Legends? Yes? FUCKING MESSAGE ME NOW! Leona, Cait, and Riven are also very acceptable answers.
I prefer women to approach me then vice versa. Why? Because dumb guys spam you all day, probably about wanting to show you their dick, and if you're actually interested in me then you'll message. So, I just sit back and let women choose me. Smart right? I'd rather not annoy someone otherwise. I warm up pretty quick to new people and am a great conversationalist. I have no problem keeping a conversation going for hours. If you're shy I understand, take your time; No rush. I don't mind the awkward "hi, how are you?" type first messages. It's a start right??
I'm not much of a religious person...I am an atheist actually. You cannot convert me, so please save yourself some trouble. I get religion teaches you good morals but you don't need religion to be a good person.
I'm not against older women either. Older women seem to know the do's and don'ts in a relationship better. Things like this go both ways, put forth some effort to get to know me, and I'll put forth some effort to get to know you. Cool? Cool!
I know what I want in a girl at this point, trouble is finding it. It's your looks that will garner my attention, yet your personality that will keep me. Basically, look pretty and don't be a fucking cunt. Think you can handle that? I really have a thing for Asian women but what guy doesn't right? Someone who has a good heart and can make me laugh without really trying. A woman that can be a lady, that I can cuddle up with, then wants to go wrestle/play fight would be a dream come true.If you can't hold a conversation, chances are I will be very bored with you. I love nerd/geeky girls. A girl that's a gamer or into / MMA would score some points with me. I like beautiful women, meaning I don't care what race you are, white, black, Asian, etc etc doesn't matter to me. But I really want a girl I can be myself around, a girl that's Intelligent,caring, trustworthy, nice and sweet, loving. But tough as nails. I can't stand that crying all the time bullshit. I'm also not into big girls. Curvy is one thing. I love curves. Obese is another. And no, I'm not trying to down you if you are obese. We've all got our , but its just not what I'm attracted to. Its not my cup of tea, ya digg?
Also, since this tends to constantly be the case, with atleast 80% of the messages I have to sort through, let me just say this clearly so you retards understand: I give. Zero shits. How well. You enjoyed. My profile. None. Zero. Zilgch. So hey! Don't fucking send me that message that says ANYTHING along the lines of "Oh hey, I know you probably won't respond because I live so far away but I really enjoyed reading your profile!". I cannot begin to explain how little I care about what you like or that you enjoyed reading about the only guy on here willing to be upfront, be a man and show that he actually has a spine. Don't care. Don't do it. Shits annoying. Just know that I know you enjoyed it.