Vulgar, skeptic, nicest dude ever, Henry Rollins meets Larry David. When you first meet me, you'll think "ugh," but give it two minutes and you'll totally get it. Sci-fi, Sea creatures, tattoos, science, the cosmos, black coffee,science, outlasting our planet, Russia2045, scotch, physics, horror movies, MMA, I am an otter. Ugh.

On weekends, I dress like New York's fancy boy, bartending for cash. I just got home from work, and I actually hear a genuine rooster crowing. Not only is it morning, but there is a rooster crowing somewhere in Brooklyn.

During the week, I spend a while pitching shows to vapid television, hosting a weekly podcast, comedy writing.

In my free time, I am working on re-teaching myself math, heading back to school in the fall for programming and engineering, mixed martial arts, Muay Thai, playing music,

www.willandbobby.com LISTEN TO MY PODCAST ON ITUNES YOU STUPID IDIOTS.

"Let's howl," said the dog.

My tattoos, unfortunately. And then the fact I'm balding. Or sometimes they notice me trying to clumsily pick myself back up. Sometimes they notice that I'm an insect who dreamt he was a man and loved it. But now the dream is over... and the insect is awake.

DUNE, Cormac Mccarthy, Jose Saramago, Moby Dick, Enders Game, 2001: A Space Odyssey, David Sedaris, Everything is Illuminated,
American Horror Story, workaholics, all the other comedies everyone else likes
The Most Serene Republic, Efterklang, Misfits, old nostalgic Pop Punk, Debussy, DIO
ALL FOOD ALWAYS unless it's not vegan.

Favorite words should absolutely be a column on this thing. Emulsion, Brontide, Cower, Splay, Seething, Ineffable, Wobegon, Corrosive, Parry, Yellow.

Quiet, trees. Books? x2

Misogyny, swaying trees in the white wind, what the x-men are doing right now, aliens, my health insurance, the future of mankind traversing the stars, teleportation, the Formic Wars (extra points if you don't have to google that), being alone with my thoughts, is booze medicine?

Working on my Ovaltine routine, confusing new friends with Dark Souls references I never expect them to understand.

A huge portion of my energy goes towards revealing the crooked and inherently cruel nature of organized religion, arguing for women's rights, and the abolition of unscientific, archaic thought.

Sorry about all the bullshit you've had to put up with because of all the nonsense old white men try and make you do.

The entirety of the Jonas Brothers' fan base hates me.

I'm not really an otter.

You know what Shai-Hulud is,
You can teach me something,
You write beautifully,
You are not a cylon,
You are not averse to Tequila,
You're not a derisive lunatic,
You have something to say,
You can loan me Mass Effect.
You can help me turn my entire body in to a machine to fly to outer space. Thanks.