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Version 10.0
When in Rome:
So, I am blessed with an indomitable spirit, which has carried me through some tough challenges. My age says 51, but like so many signs and signifiers, what 51 MEANS to you may not be in the same realm as what I understand it to mean. That leads me to my next take, seek FIRST to understand and THEN to be understood. Therefore, if ya like much else ya see in me but the 51 "thang" is caught in your throat, make some inquiries and be open to being wrong about what you thought 51 was all about: I checked and ain't no stereotyped version of 51 living in this "can't keep me down" body/brain. Moreover, I am idealistic within a human framework. For example, love as it's often depicted exceeds human capabilities and realities, as in, "I'll love you forever." Consider the story of Phineas Gage who suffered such a severe and critical injury to his brain that the effects were said to be so profound that friends saw him as no longer Gage. Imagine that your beloved or desired beloved was cursed with a similar calamity, as has happened with the soldiers returning from Iraq and Afghanistan. What does "I'll love you forever mean in these circumstances: when the one you love is no longer that person as you knew them to be, what then? According to many that have crossed my path, I am blessed with hypnotic blue eyes that can see deeply into people, objects, and experiences. I simply love theatre, which includes the acting in part and the being engrossed in the lives of the actors part. Music rocks my soul and stirs something elemental in me. I fear I'm not doing a very good job of "When in Rome" so far as it's a lifestyle that eludes me.

I puzzle over matters of the heart to the point that I have studied love for the majority of my life. As an academic generalist, I have examined salient issues by taking a multiple lens perspective. My interest and research has cut and continues to cuts across many disciplines, a broad diversity of cultures and current political ideologies. The broad strokes painted by such an approach leaves me with a profound security in addressing the questions often posited by those of us endeavoring to love well and in such a manner that is consistent with optimal human development for self and those enfolded within our sphere of the beloved. What yet befuddles me though are the nuances of engaging a desired object of ones' affection, especially over long distances. Specifically, when and how does one know the protocols for making that first phone contact or the concerns and sensitive issues related to a first face-to-face meeting that would that might even necessitate air travel? These concerns seem very appropriate to this venue because there's the expected or unexpected opportunity to forge a strong nascent interest in one another just from the limited knowledge you could have of each other through the format this site provides for selfI-disclosure, the images we present (or don't) and those we have presented to us, and finally the dialogue that ensues via text messaging or the messaging dialogue conducive to more in-depth. How much can I truly get to know a potential mate without the knowledge of another that can be gleaned from the subconscious and conscious prompting that only a flesh to flesh, eye to eye experience can yield.

Purpose. Intent. Some people are inclined to want to know why they are doing this; I'm one of those people. Yet others seek out the what, how, or if as a preferred mode of interacting (http://chiron.valdosta.edu/whuitt/col/instruct/4mat.html). For them, answering this query may be very straightforward and simple. Here, I'm asked to provide a self-summary, but to what end? Certainly it's more than to be playing by the rules, for I'm one to ask if there is a rule, how does it serve us in a life-improving capacity? I'm sure you can imagine the kinds of trouble I created in school and college. It's seldom ever a question that's addressed to the student from his teacher, or for parents and their children. Curious to know moreabout it, I dug a lot deeper. Having read and used it as an instructional tool, Michael Gazzaniga's book, The Mind's Past, (http://www.psych.ucsb.edu/~gazzanig/)it's evident that we operate under the illusion we are in control and that our autobiographies are mostly fictional, whatever I may offer you as my notion of who I am is bound to be filled with unintentional confabulations galore. If true, then where has my effort at self summary gotten me, you, anyone? Hell, if it is true, why not just go with it and pile on those things we always wanted to believe ourselves? Do I address this so as to impress you with my peacock feathers? Do I speak of myself as I wish others would consider me? Would my summary best be answered by a group of others in my life, those that know me well and can be objective enough to give you as close of an approximation of truth as possible? I don't have the answer yet, but I still endure, wishing for a dialogue by which we can reasonably agree why we answer the way we do.

Overture

At day's end
Exhaustion sets in
Indelible purple flowers
Amidst the desolation
Amidst the waste
Find their way
To my eye
To my too sensitive heart.
In the heart of the masses
Beauty, Beauty arises
In a thousand disguises
Purple flowers all
Unique to a fault.
Refuge, fed in solitude
Readies me for another day's grace
And the wonder I find
In many a face
'neath layers complaisant.

As a little kid, every time my siblings and I were given money to go see a movie together, I'd end up moving away from my two older brothers to avoid their derision and abuse. I'd stay for the rolling of the credits, knowing they'd never do that as they lacked patience and then I could walk home on my own. The bit of solace in those moments became much more to me than I had at first intended. Gradually, I began to understand how much more complex making a movie was than I'd ever thought. I'd watch the names of individuals roll by and many of them were not like any of the names I'd ever heard of in our tiny town of 7254 on the west coast of Lake Michigan. I became fascinated with the strange sounding jobs people did and that movies were filmed often in places other than what the film presented it as. In effect, it taught me to look deeper into what had seen and to wait until I knew more about something, those things that reside and operate in the background that most never seemed to bother to notice. As I grew into adulthood, I turned that insight back to myself and began to think about the whats, wheres, and whos of MY movie and what that meant for my self. I assert that recognizing that the selves we see and interact with every day are complicated by their own rolling credits and that it is essential material for constructing acceptance and compassion toward ourselves and those in our midst..
My most recent chapter

After nearly two decades as an educator, I was ready to explore my talents in a new milieu and went back to school, for first and foremost, I am a student. However, three years ago, I was forced to postpone what I had set out to pursue since 2003 at the University of Central Florida: namely, two masters degrees, one in Interdisciplinary Studies with an emphasis on the dynamics of human relationships and the other in Counselor Education where I was on track to earn my Mental Health Counselor degree and a Certificate in Marriage and Family Counseling. In mid-September of 2005, while riding my Honda Shadow VT 1100 (its colors were reminiscent of the 50s in Miami) back from class at 9PM, I was struck broadside, T-boned, by a woman driving a red Nissan sports car. I took the impact from her bumper directly on my right calf, crushing the bones through my lower leg, practically severing it and causing a compound fracture to my femur. The force and momentum of the collision threw me from my bike and I landed some 90' away on a 4' grassy strip of median, dividing a six-lane highway. Life Flight whisked me away to the hospital where I spent the next month recovering from multiple fractures, a collapsed lung and the amputation of my leg immediately below my knee. By January, I was learning how to walk again with the most advanced prosthesis they make and slowly regaining my strength through a rigorous regimen of rehab. My therapists encouraged me by comparing me to a World Champion Sumo wrestler because my motto seemed identical to his, "Always Forward." Two years later, after realizing things were not as they had been at control central, I was diagnosed as having suffered moderate to severe traumatic brain injury from the martini-like shaking my head withstood 24 months earlier. I approach my circumstance with a great deal of humor, endurance, and conviction that my dignity and capabilities are defined by how I respond to this brand new world and NOT the obstacles set before me. As a consequence of this experience I can finally, but humbly, accept all the loving accolades my students, parents, friends, and family have shared with me for years.
One year after the accident, I called the woman that was at fault in hitting me with her car and we sat for and talked over lunch for an hour and a half. It was an important moment in assisting my stepping forward into this life that I'm privileged and fortunate to know.

It has been quite some time since I've felt connected to anyone outside of my family of origin. I've regaled in my freedom and understand much more completely that I needn't give that up in the intense desire to burrow, nest, and sail in the steady hand of a family that I can tuck asleep at night, be they children or adults, and awake with their embraces, figurative and literal, smelling the tops of heads, listening to belly gurgles, and setting out for unknown adventures, pirates to plunder, and Beauty to awaken from her slumber. I'm intensely involved in restructuring and redefining what it is I desire to pursue and where I will build the foundations of a very new kind of life. At present, I am living a comfortable nomadic lifestyle. To guide me in this unfamiliar, though comfortable moment, I'm taking advantage of the knowledge and education I've gleaned from the 18 years of teaching students as young as three and as old as 19 in a variety of settings, including inner city schools, gifted resource programs and private schools. Vocabulary, imagination and resourcefulness are my strong suits and I know they will continue to carry me forward with renewed success, wherever I shall make port. For many years and from various sources, I've been encouraged to be an author. It just so happens to be a ripe moment to heed their incessantly encouraging voices. Hence, of late, I'm writing and writing and will eventually be seeking publication. The book ideas I'm working on lie outside of the scope of what's been published before. Additionally, I have been told I have a terrifically sonorous and soothing voice that I aim to parlay into voice-over work, be it for children, non-profits, or in the big leagues. I love working with issues related to diversity and inclusion and intend on keeping my hands warm by that fire. I have an entrepreneurial mind and see myself acting as a consultant on a host of topics and wading into the waters of mediation. Apart from career considerations, I'm currently making preparations to circumnavigate the lower 48 states and their treasures of people and places with my 24 year-old son in lieu of any other circumstance arising. These plans are made within the context we are givenWe'll be traveling in a greatly modified van with a grand bohemian theme. It'll be our home away from home for at least a year. Next, pending what I discover, I desire to travel the following year with my 26 year-old daughter to circumnavigate the Mediterranean, including Greece, Italy, Spain & France, Egypt and Morocco in part as a celebration of her completing her masters degree in sexology. Dr. Ruth! Move over, somebody's taking your place and then some. More to come....

Actually, I'm never good at all, for the dichotomous structure of a world that turns on this and that, good and bad, yes and no, etcetera, continues to visit irreparable harm to our collective lives and the fragile environs from which we draw our sustenance. But in the meantime,

Seeking to understand and then seeking to be understood. I'm a delightful kisser, boasting an array of kisses that venture far from the traditional. I excel at viewing sexuality as something that permeates every object, person and experience we may know and constitutes an essential element of the totality of our environment as humans. I'm excellent at comforting and establishing empathy. I'm good at occupying a fluid enough position about my beliefs so as to be secure in sliding into an other's world whose beliefs are different from mine and develop an understanding about the ground from which theirs and mine grow w/o succumbing to blind, ill-informed acceptance of those beliefs. Culling what resources I have on hand to problem solve. Being a leader. Enjoying the tinctures of human contact in those quick and momentary interludes we experience most every day. Engaging outside of sexually scripted roles by infusing intimacy with my imagination and the gifts I see animated in my partner's eyes. Listening. Being gentle and ever so kindly cruel. Listening. Reading books aloud. Invested hugs and invested love. Listening. Forging spiritual connections and loving anyone ready to create that dance together.

My height, the twinkle in my blue eyes, and the usual calmness that puts others at ease. I'm told that I exude confidence (On the first day of class of a graduate course I was taking, I was one of the last to arrive and walked to the front of the room to take a seat. The room was dead quiet as I approached my chair. Once I sat down, the chatter resumed and a young man leaned over to tell me they all thought I was the professor). People frequently comment my presence evokes a deep sense of calm spirituality. I often hear that I use big words and talk like a teacher. I look like a professor. I'm mischievious and have a smile akin to the Cheshire cat.

The mention of the significance of any given form of entertainment or experience, for me, requires the inclusion of the context from which the emphasis was/is born. Watching Disney's Mary Poppins as an adult opened whole stores of previously recorded thoughts and knowledge related to philosophy, human development, reason vs. intuition, mindfulness, the joy and necessity of laughter in ones' life, and the danger and promise of humanity's imagination. Picasso's Guernica solidified my conviction that there is a fatal flaw in what we consider to constitute love and loving relationships. Upheavals of Thought by Diane Nussbaum laid out the foundations for me on how I might formulate a dialectic that challenges contemporary notions of what it means to love and the weight of considering alternatives to the way we do business as usual. I had just moved from Michigan to the depths of redneck hell in central Florida and was about to receive a rude awakening illustrating just how far I had actually moved. In 1971, I brought Led Zepplin's second album to a party full of other 7th graders where I played Heartbreaker for them. The howls of displeasure immediately made me realize I was no longer in Kansas, Toto, let alone Michigan.

More conventional:

Often overlooked by sophisticated adults are the classic children's books and movies that explore timeless human themes. Music of many a sort gets my motor running, even the repetitious grooves of bass, rhythm guitar, and drums used by musicians and songwriters to give their ideas a backdrop. Food with intensity of colour, texture, flavor, and presentation is sure to kindle my hearth. Spice is nice and the spectacular, yet subtle mouth fireworks of a supremely made creme brulee is as close as I've ever come to a food orgasm.

the number 6, without which this list would be inconceivable; imagination; curiosity; love; intimacy; touching; the expressive capability to assert that I am;human dignity; the moments where desire and satisfaction meet (e.g., water and thirst, food and hunger, the urge to pee and its release, sexual lust and torrid, insatiable consumption of my lover); Braeburn apples from NZ or the US, deep and nasty delicious dark chocolate; Beauty; grace; in ineffable and wondrous style of women.

This query. Justice. Dignity denied. Artistic expression. Sex and sexuality, for they seemlessly pervade, and always have, our total environment. What am I forgetting? The nature of knowledge, truth claims, beliefs, certainty, and our hazard filled drive for security. Creating a socially agreeable notion of what love is, how it's expressed and how it's not, and how to invite our society to vivify love's potential by regarding it as something that we may intuit, but which we may certainly benefit from regarding it as something we learn throughout our lives. How poorly humans love one another. What will it have mattered that I was here? That I loved?

Already into Saturday mischief. Elucidation is still on the stove. I'll fill you in once it's done cooking.

I am an amputee (right leg, knee disarticulation, meaning everything from the tibia was left on the operating table), recipient of Social Security Disability Insurance (for now) and the one foot I have left is a size 17.

When celebrities share their most intimate details of their private world, (i.e.., having an addiction, breast cancer, psychological disorders), does that serve to encourage US to give up our private world for knowing what common good it may provide? If I shared the private knowledge of abuse, could that make a positive difference to someone? Would sharing the very private world of the life of an amputee have any significance for anyone but me? Does my sharing of the loss I've known impact you in any way? What would be too private wherein I would be creating, with a high probability, discomfort in this audience?

No should, please: just as you will. The reasons you may message me are many of the same reasons I may message you.