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32 Riverside, CA Man


I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 25–33
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends

My details

Last online
Today – 11:18am
6′ 4″ (1.93m)
Body type
A little extra
Mostly anything
Graduated from university
Science / Engineering
Strictly monogamous
Doesn’t have kids, but wants them
Likes dogs and has cats
English, German (Poorly), Spanish (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
::Disclaimer:: I'm a moderator on this site, so if I check out your page and you live 1,000 miles away... or are a guy... don't look too much into it. Basically, you've been reported and I'm seeing what the big deal is.
::Additional Disclaimer:: I pretty much just come on here for moderator stuff these days...

My life is just like yours, only way more awesome.

When saying the word "sword", I put heavy emphasis on the "W". I have no idea why. Also, if I were to ever OWN a sword, I would call it "The Ass-Blaster Classic". Or maybe "Goblin Hunter Extreme". I'm still on the fence.

Actually, owning a sword would just be ridiculous. A Battle Axe on the other hand…

I have ridden in the side-car of an original Nazi motorcycle through the streets of Paris. It was amazingly inappropriate.

I have been detained by both the American and Russian Secret Service. Simultaneously. It was amazingly frightening.

I have started a "Thriller" dance-off on-board a Tokyo subway. Needless to say, it was amazingly amazing.

I could write a pretty damn interesting book based on the past 10 years of my life. I have been extremely fortunate to have traveled all over the world. I have been to all continents (including Antarctica), and more countries than I can be bothered to remember.

I am not legally allowed in France or Russia anymore. But not because of the above stated incidences. ::Update:: As of April 4, I am now allowed in Russia, France and 7 other countries I was previously not permitted to enter because of National Security issues...

I know how disarm 4 different Nuclear weapons used by the U.S.. Trust me, this is NOT as Jack Bauer-ish as it sounds...

Originally, I hail from Southern California, and this is still pretty apparent in my personality and attitude. At 20, I moved to Seattle for almost 4 years. With the exception of the 300+ days of rain a year, it was an enjoyable place to live. After that, I spent 4 years in Germany. I had such an amazing time, and wouldn't dismiss the idea of settling down there one day. Then came the 2 years in Missouri. I don't like to talk about those 2 years in Missouri.

Both Jesus and I were baptized in the River Jordan. The only difference is afterwards, he went on to be a messiah; I got drunk and pondered how to sully my newly spotless canvas.

Being drunk at the Vatican is not nearly as good an idea, as it seems, while you're getting drunk before visiting to the Vatican.

I've got dozens of these...

I have a sick fascination with random facts, and bar Trivia Nights.

Most grown men are intimidated by me. Children on the other hand, see me as a walking, talking jungle-gym. I think they sense that we are on the same level. Wait… that's not what I meant…

I promise you that my intelligence and maturity far surpass what is portrayed within this profile.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I've been training my cat to cage fight. We usually spar Saturday nights in the basement. Tickets are $5. BYOB.

As much as I've tried to avoid it, I have found myself back in school. For no other reason than "That's what people do." A Masters degree to me is a sign of not having a life...

I don't be born American to learn English good.

"I have never let schooling interfere with my education." - Mark Twain
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Stuff. I mean, you have NO IDEA how good I am at stuff. If you ever saw how Crazy Insane-O to the Max I do stuff… mind = blown.

I'd like to consider myself as being creative, though I often need something or someone to encourage me.

I partake in "Drunken Painting". This is exactly what it sounds like. Get sloshed, and see what your brain can accomplish while only functioning at a fraction of it's normal capacity. You'd be surprised…
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'd have to say my overall size. I'm a pretty big dude. Not necessarily "Paul Bunyan" or "Jabba the Hutt" big, but more like "Brawny Paper Towel Guy" big. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I wouldn't have a problem getting a job as a bouncer, or beating up your dad.

Batman is my favorite Disney Princess.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I find myself listening mostly to what I like to call "Dad Music"; Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Queen, etc. Sometimes I'll throw on some Sublime or Offspring to remind me of my youth back in CA. Nerdcore Rap by the likes of mc chris and Optimus Rhyme. Can't stand Death Metal, but for some reason I can sit and listen to Dethklock on repeat.

Blues and Psychobilly have recently found their way into a constant rotation on the iPod.

I probably like Depeche Mode more than any straight man should.

Jimmy Pop is probably the greatest Wordsmith out there…

I rarely read fiction. The last few novels I've read were by Chuck Palahniuk. I never cared for Oscar Wilde, but he is one quotable bastard.

One day I was watching a documentary on the Pharaohs. Or maybe it was Mary Todd. Whatever, that part isn't important. I was just amazed at how this history professor could sit there and spill out all these facts about said topic. I decided to completely nerd-out and learn as much as I could about a certain subject, with which I could either impress, or bore, the hell out of people. My shelves are filled with WWII resource books.

I also own a book giving step-by-step instructions to be Spiderman. This has yet to be brought to fruition.


I haven't owned cable in nearly 10 years, and have never felt my life was missing anything. Every once in a while, I'll catch some shows at a friend's or relative's house… this usually solidifies my speculation.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Two minutes in Heaven is better than one minute in Heaven...

I've never lost a game of "Gay Chicken".

I once got locked in a cage with an adult Cheetah. I may, or may not, have shed a single, not-so-manly tear.

I'm really not sure which one of those is more embarrassing…
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
"The sexiest thing in the world is a woman who is smarter than you." - Ernest Cline

"I want a woman who can sit me down, shut me up, tell me 10 things I don't already know... and make me laugh. I don't care what you look like, just turn me on. And if you can do that, I will follow you on bloody stumps through the snow. I will nibble your mukluks with my own teeth. I will do your windows. I will care about your feelings. Just have something in there." - Henry Rollins

You just might call me a sapiosexual.

‎"If I wanted to have sex with somebody who had the body of a 12-year-old Chinese boy, I'd just have sex with a 12-year-old Chinese boy."
- Um, I can't really remember WHERE I heard this. But, Jesus, I honestly hope it's someone else's quote, and not something that's been subconsciously floating around in the back of my head. =/

You want the stories behind any of those escapades listed above.

Also, I know this profile is long, it's not really necessary to point it out. Actually, I'm having to make it even LONGER to point out that I know it's long, and to save you the time of saying how long my profile was before I had to make it longer to stop you from commenting how long it was.