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HeyItsMark

32 M Providence, RI

I’m looking for

  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 23–50
  • Near me
  • Who are single

My Details

Last Online
Mar 23
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 11″ (1.80m)
Body Type
Diet
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Never
Religion
Atheism, and very serious about it
Sign
Virgo, and it’s fun to think about
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Art / Music / Writing
Income
$30,000–$40,000
Relationship Status
Seeing Someone
Relationship Type
Offspring
Pets
Speaks
English, Other

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
This profile is long. You can read it if you feel so inclined. But you probably don't want to because I'm seeing someone at the moment and probably won't get back to you. It's nothing personal, I'm sure you're great. I'm just not looking now, ya know?

Science and I get along great, but I went to art school instead.

Fun-Fucking-Facts!:

I'm socially liberal.

To me cute is sexier than whatever "sexy" is supposed to be.

I'm extremely practical and level-headed but have the most bizarre imagination of just about anyone I've ever met.

I'm mellow. What's everyone so excited about anyway?

I'd like to think my interests are more geeky than I am.

I'm a writer but I'm no grammar-Nazi. I've never once gassed a typo-Jew.

My sensitive side is often masked by a thick vale of sarcasm and cynicism. This is a critical point.

I'm anti-tradition.

I'm a sarcastic little smart mouth but the test-thingy on this site calls me a "Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer." (Onions, ogres and I have layers.)

Being introspective makes writing a self-summary easier.

There's a zero percent chance that I'll become your creepy obsessive stalker. I'm more the "axe-murderer" type.

That was just a joke. I'm not the axe-murder type either. I prefer chainsaws.

Still joking.

If you're dumb, we can't have a relationship. If you're roughly average, it would be really, really hard. (Welcome to the apex of my arrogance. Can you see your house from here? Relax girl, there's plenty of modesty in other areas.)

I believe nice, sweet, compassionate girls deserve back massages.

Caffeine is my Jesus.

If I've made a typo in this and you feel like telling me, do it so I can fix it.

This profile also contains more intellectual-blahthity-blah than I normally go around spitting out.

I go from being a total perfectionist to a completely laid-back slacker.

I shower twice a day. Yum! I'm minty-fresh!

I often find myself torn between compassion and disdain for the human race. Think of a less-talented Kurt Vonnegut and you'll begin to get me.

When I make a friend, it's usually for life.

Black is my favorite color.

I'm good at fixing stuff and hate leaving things broken. As gay as it sounds, that sometimes includes people. But no, I'm not really looking for a fixer-upper.

I've fired an AK 47. Why yes, it was fucking awesome.

I can fix your computer unless it's a mac.

I don't think confidence makes a woman sexier. I think women usually think confident men are sexy and assume men feel that way about them. Not true for me.

If you try to control me, I'll make fun of you. If you laugh about it then, we'll be cool.

I believe the most creative/artistic people don't usually dress that way. They don't have to.

If you claim to hate boring people, please define "boring people" to me. If boring includes lazy days, quiet intellectual conversation, picnics, tree climbing or sometimes just sitting around watching a movie, then I don't wanna be exciting.

I suck at spelling and earthbound automotive-navigation.

Parking is the bane of my existence.

I'm very serious about atheism AND I'm still laughing at it. Why would those things be mutually exclusive?

Very rarely am I competitive. When I am it's usually about out doing myself rather than other people.

I'm hyper-analytical.

I believe in ghosts. Long story.

If I think you're wrong, I'll have to tell you. I hope you can respect that.

I heart nonconformists. However, if you have a colossal lip/nose ring subtract forty two hotness points.

I don't seek confrontation. Or run from it.

Society's binary notion of gender roles amuses me. I either watch football or I'm a fag? Niggah, please!

I don't enjoy driving. I enjoy it less when I'm drinking.

I support NFOFD. (No Farts On First Dates) Donate today!

I don't believe "everything happens for a reason." I believe things happen when we make them happen. Do you really believe you aren't where you are today because of the choices you've made?

I'm a gamer. You're not required to watch me play video games or obligated to listen to me talk about them. (that'd be lame of me) You do, however, need to respect the fact that I prefer to have my mind challenged rather than watch the latest "Dancing With The Stars" marathon.

You should also grasp the irony that my geeky hobbies are less socially acceptable than listening to David Hasselhoff's opinion as to whether or not someone's got talent. (Catch both levels of irony there? If we were playing Irony-Scrabble, that would have been a Double Word Score.)

I'm really pretty nice. Much nicer in person than in internet text. Especially that last paragraph. Sorry :)

I am pretty smart, quirkier than you, and inept at proofreadin
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm a copywriter. I work at a little ad agency in downtown Providence. I get paid to sit around all day writing and dreaming up crazy ideas and writing one-liners.

Ever seen Mad Men? That's what I do. It usually impresses me more than it impresses other people.

I guess in truth, I'm a little bored of explaining my job to people in detail. But since you're such a sweetheart, I'll be willing to make an exception. (HAHAHA...heh...um yeah. Anyways...)

How I ended up where I am:
I was going to be a programmer. It made sense. Lots of my best friends were ones and zeros. But I had an 8 A.M. computer class in college and hadn't discovered coffee yet.

So I fell asleep in class a lot, got bored and changed my major. Advertising sounded creative and as an added bonus, started with 'A'. By about the time I got to 'k' on the list I had pretty much decided what I wanted to do with my life.

I got the fancy-pants advertising degree only to discover I didn't know a damned thing about advertising. So then I went to art school and became a copywriter. I discovered my natural weirdness and overdeveloped sense of irony make me pretty decent at being an ad man. Hurray!
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I'll go with dry wit and irony for now.

Oh, hey now that I think about it, my friends usually come to me with their problems. I'm always willing to listen. (And why wouldn't I be? They're my friends for crying out loud.) I can usually make them feel better and find a solution at the same time.

I wonder if I'm better than average at reading people? The evidence suggests yes, but it's inconclusive.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
If I could mind-hack people's brains, I'd totally be able to provide a kick-ass answer to this one.

Unfortunately, I'm out of aluminum foil, duck tape and dark matter. You'll have to make do with this answer:

I behave differently based on the context. Some folks are too douchy for me to talk to. I tend not to talk all that much if I'm in big groups of people or if you're dumber than a box of hair. (You're not are you?)

All that aside, people usually say I'm pretty funny.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: (Can you see the pattern here?)
Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy, pretty much anything Vonnegut, The Princess Bride, Snowcrash, Harry Potter, Fool and The Gospel According to Biff by Christopher Moore were good, Fight Club, didn't everyone like the Di Vinci Code?, Ann Rice before she found Jesus, that's enough books.

[I wanna write a satirical futuristic sci-fi novel where media-polarization, ethnocentrism, and Evangelical Christianity have turned America into a shit-storm of stupidness. It won't ever get written, but maybe it will end up a short story?]

Movies:
Snatch, The life aquatic with Steve Zissou, Donnie Darko, The Princess Bride, Pan's Labyrinth, Zoolander, Fight Club, Quentin Tarantino stuff, Hayao Miyazaki, Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, Thank You for Smoking, Rushmore, (wow, these are pretty good top picks. Maybe I'd like to date me?)

[I'm not an anime-dork, but I am a dork that does like anime. Occationally. Sue me.]

TV: (I haven't turned on my TV this year. I watch stuff on my computer and have Netflix.)
I watch the Daily Show daily, Lost, Heroes (It's stupid, but it's good), ATHF (I think I like the idea of being an Aqua Teen fan more than I like the show to be honest), 30 Rock, Southpark, Spongebob, Arrested Development

[Fun Goddamn Fact! I minored in film and spent a lot of time "directing movies" as a kid. Also did a little clay-mation]

Food:
Unless it's a bug, I'll eat it. If you listed sushi here just to sound smart, shame on you. I was tempted to say Baconase, Slim Jim's and Funonions purely to spite you people. I love sushi too.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
You mean like food and shelter and crap? I could never do without oxygen. That shit rocks.

Otherwise, I'm a pretty big gamer so I gotta have my sexy-awesome computer.

Ok, that's five. Gawd, why's it gotta be six?? I'll just pick self-actualization for number six so I can move on.

I certainly could have done without the "six things I could never do without" section.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Work. Being an "ad creative" is an all-consuming task during the day.

I also tend to think way more about pointless abstract concepts more than most people. If you think society, human nature or philosophy are not lame then maybe we should be BFF's?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Drinking something, watching a movie or playin' some video games. Hey, I typically just had a hard day, so lay off alright?

I don't really like to go out clubin' (unless it's baby seals). It really just gets in the way of what could actually have been a decent conversation.

Sometimes I cook. Don't get your hopes up though. Just really, really basic stuff. We're talking in the realm of "making meat hotter." Still though, I cook.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I have AIDs. Just kidding.

Here's the most important thing you need to know about me for now:

My biggest turn on is when girls are into me. If you're the type that likes to be chased, you'd better let me know. My natural inclination is to say, "Alright. If she's not into me, she's not into me." Challenge my mind. Not my ego.

If you're ever thinking, "I don't wanna make a move because I'm a girl and women aren't supposed to" you're not helping yourself out at all with me.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
If you like pina-coladas... I suppose that's fine with me. Gettin' caught in the rain might be cool like once if but after that I imagine it would get annoying fast. (Especially if it's cold out.) As for makin' love at midnight, I'm down for whenever. (Most likely not the first date, but hey if you insist...)

If you like hitcher's guide to the galaxy, we'll get along just fine. Geeky chicks are automatically twice as hot. I need an intelligent girl that gets my humor. If you're on the quiet side, I'll probably be more attracted to you. Ironically, I jive well with girls that talk more. (Heh. Don't they all?)

If you're very overweight, that's a big turnoff. I'm not proud of myself when I'm being shallow, but I need to be honest here.

If you've read half the crap I've written here, and are thinking about messaging me, you probably should. My official policy is to reply to everything. If I'm too busy with my real life, forgive me.