I like to tell stories. I ride my bike a lot. I'm always hungry. I can grow a beard in a week. I was a camp counselor for like a million summers. I sometimes play a made-up sport in Prospect Park. I very much dislike mayonnaise.

I try to make things good and make good things.

I'm a founding member of a theater company whose name comes from an old Nickelodeon gameshow.

I teach playwriting to undergraduate drama students at NYU.

I teach theater at an amazing and inspiring high school in Bed-Stuy.

And when I'm not doing any of that, I'm at home in my underwear designing websites for people.

Napping, talking passionately about things, making sandwiches, eating sandwiches, endlessly kicking myself for embarrassing moments from my recent and not-so-recent past, flip cup, memorizing things, crossword puzzles, keeping my computer desktop really organized, articulating how I feel about things over the internet.

For balance, here are some things I'm bad at:
Talking on the phone, pretending to like things that I don't like, juggling, riding my bike with no hands, getting to work when I should be getting to work, singing.

This question is BORING so I'm going to answer a different one.

Q: What's the best Juicy Juice flavor?
A: Berry.

Picking favorites is hard but if I had to:
-Infinite Jest (book)
-The Graduate (movie)
-Six Feet Under (show)
-Neil Young (music)
-The Salty Honey Pie from 4 + 20 Blackbirds (food)

If you asked me this question when I was in 7th grade, I would have said:
-Maniac Magee (book)
-Empire Records (movie)
-The Simpsons (show)
-The Red Hot Chili Peppers (music)
-My bubby's noodle kugel (food)

There are so many more things I like, though. So many more.

1. Podcasts
2. Seltzer
3. My bike
4. Sandwiches
5. Good pillows
6. BoltBus

The universe, "art", how did I get this subscription to Time Out NY?, how will I get on The Amazing Race, scary stuff, fonts, optimal laundry-doing times, HOW DID BRUCE WAYNE GET BACK TO GOTHAM???, I wish I could sing really well, how much time it will take to get to where I need to go, who is writing all the Craigslist missed connections, WHERE IS ALL MY MONEY??, events from my past, the last episode of Breaking Bad, Vietnamese sandwiches, how to get my pillow to stay cold on one side always, "big art", movies that have time travel in them, mumblecore, Louis Theroux, autobiographical graphic novels, David Berman, rollercoasters, Neil DeGrasse Tyson's twitter feed, should I eat in or order out?, how cool and weird it is that we all exist, etc.

I'd be happy if all my Friday nights resembled Elisabeth Shue's in the movie "Adventures in Babysitting."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5zfNhfOklQ

I know all the words to every song from Les Miserables. Also, I have an unhealthy Popeye's addiction.

There. Two things.

You want a cool, honest-to-goodness connection with another human being. You're a goofball who can be serious. You enjoy a good fart joke. You laugh easily, often, and out loud. You like sharing the things you love with people you care about. You can teach me something weird. You can teach me something useful. You can sing the Eagles' fight song.

Bonus points if the idea of all-you-can-eat gourmet tacos doesn't gross you out.