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HilarieT

29 Loveland, CO Woman

Woman

I’m looking for

  • Straight men only
  • Ages 27–39
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Today – 5:46am
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 4″ (1.63m)
Body Type
Curvy
Diet
Smokes
No
Drinks
Rarely
Drugs
Never
Religion
Sign
Taurus, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Job
Medicine
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Has a kid
Pets
Speaks
English

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I like cartoons, and video games, and boys who like those things too. I've been single for a million years, and it's getting old. My ideal man is someone who could fix my computer, not my car. But, if you can do both? Killer. You're hired. I have a Mac and drive a Volvo, in case you specialize in either. I'm a Colorado native, and you know what they say about us natives...they're from there.

Hey boys: have you just been dying to know what your fellow Y chromosome compadres write in their OkCupid profiles? Well, here for a limited time only, is a glimpse in to that realm. The following is what 90% of men have to say about themselves:

"I hate talking about myself, and im new to this whole thing, so here goes nothing lol. I'm a laid back and easy going guy with a great sense of humor who loves the outdoors. I hate drama lol. I love to snowboard, hike, camp, and fish. Lol. I like girls who are funny, smart, pretty, and down for anything lol. Lol. So if you want a good looking guy to go on an adventure with hit me up! Lol."

If your current profile contains any of this douche-baggery, move along partner. Also, if you think I'm calling you a douchebag because you LIKE those things up there, you're an idiot. And a douchebag.

Alright, retards (that's right, so far I've called you douchebag, idiot, and retard. Clearly, this website has made me somewhat jaded and bitter), I'm not fuckin around anymore. I'm almost 30. If you're using OkC as a free escort service, that's fine, keep on doin your thing. But just know: I'm not in the escort business any longer. I'm ready to make someone a balanced breakfast every morning, fold their socks, and give them extra special blow jobs on Sundays. Ready to love and be loved. And if that scares you off, good. Thanks for helping me weed out the riff-raff...

Ok I'm at a really weird place right now, emotionally and psychologically. So I might also be looking for exactly the opposite of what I stated above. I have no idea!
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Wishing I didn't live in this sex-less town. Denver is too far away :(
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Arbitrarily giving dudes on this website 5 stars.

I'm really good at foosball and arm wrestling. Also good at hair and make-up and high heels.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
my giant pupils! why are they so big?
And maybe my sarcasm, but I'm not being sarcastic about my pupils. They are huge.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
ONE OF EACH!!

books are good- 'ASoIaF'

movies are better- 'Moonrise Kingdom'

shows are excellent- 'Breaking Bad'

music is the best- 'Chvrches'

I eat food pretty regularly- 'Noosa yoghurt'
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1) a bra
2) my son
3) colorado tap water
4) summer
5) netflix
6) zero percent humidity
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
whether or not I unplugged my flat iron...
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
kickin it old school with a cat and a seven year old! Party on Wayne!
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I did not graduate high school.
I hate pets.*
In my former life I was a candy raver.
My last name isn't really Puppington.

*I guess I should expound on this since I'm getting a ton of "waa waa waa, how could you hate pets? Blah blah blah, that's just wrong." I hate pets because they ruin carpets, over draw bank accounts, destroy furniture, and then break your heart when they die young. Please don't get me wrong, I love YOUR pet, I think your puppy is great; just so long as I don't have to be responsible for its well-being. I would never wish any harm upon an animal, I'm just sick and fucking tired of owning them.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
If you came for the Boba Fett helmet, and stayed for dat assss.

Or if you can truly appreciate a girl with T&A. I've got some chunk in the junk which is in my trunk. Read: I'm kinda fat.

Or if you have more to say than just "hello". One-word messages will never get you into a girl's pants. Trust me.

Or if you want to drive really far to find old, abandoned farm houses to photograph.

Or if you never use things like: lol, u, and r. Just because letters like U and R can mean words like YOU and ARE, does not mean you need to use them as such.

Or if you know exactly what you want, and exactly how to get it.

Or if you're Peter Dinklage. Total MILF.

You can stalk me on Instagram if you'd like, I take a shitload of selfies. Hate on you crazy haters. @bilarie

If you go to send me a message and my inbox is full, DO NOT pay money to get your message through to me!! Trust me, I'm not worth it. And if you're willing to pay to talk to me, pay it to ME. Not OKcupid.