Now... before I babble on about me, let's find out what others have said about me:
"Making love to this man is like discovering a new religion." - An actual OKC User
"Honeybakedham is amazing. He’s smart. He’s funny. He’s the sort of hip and irreverent comic talent that only emerges once in a generation." - Zach Galifianakis
"I met the defendant at a music club. He claimed to be a producer and talked a lot about how he liked ethnic girls. It was more than just a little creepy." - Another actual OKC user
So, yeah... I have gotten around, and now I might be getting around you.
If you look at my details, you'll notice under job, I list "Artistic/Musical/Writer" and that's totally not true. I am artistic. I am a photographer and a writer... but in no way musical (aside from exceptional taste). But I am also a full time student.
After years of cube based drudgery, I decided that wanting to wake up in the morning would feel better than wanting to eat lead paint, so after my latest lay-off (inspired by the poor fiscal management of the Republican party) I decided to be a student again and begin working toward a more rewarding life.
I am an improvisational comic and I'm working on being a stand-up comic. I hold down a few part time jobs while taking full time classes. I can cook reasonably well. I still have 85% of my vision. Some days I don't feel too much pain in my extremities.
If you have a high "enemy" rating... it's probably factoring religion. If you believe the good lord lights your path... I am not your target demographic.
Here is how I check out your profile... I look at the first photo and think, can i stand to be in the same car as this person on a long trip? If yes, I then go to movies and music.
If you have demonstrated compatible tastes in media, then it's on. Look. If we hook up, we'll enjoy the sex and the dates and long walks on the whatever... but at the end of the day, we need to agree on what is playing in the car or what to see at the movies. I don't care how well stacked you are, I am not listening to Ke$ha. I'm just not gonna do it.
Next, I want to know if you love cats. Why? Because cats are fucking awesome!
Now... I read the profile top to bottom, swoon, imagine our life together, smile, get a little wistful, click on your pictures, get lost in your cleavage, touch myself inappropriately, log off, fall asleep after forgetting to bookmark you, get up, lament my miserable life, crumble under the weight of crippling insecurity which prevents me from ever messaging you, struggle for years to make peace with the absurdity of existence and the finite nature of life, then die sad and alone.
We could've had something... but you were obviously too awesome and could do so much better than me, so I just sat in a studio apartment for forty years, eating soup from a can and cuddling with various cats. Sorry you missed out.
I'm going to stop writing here... but I am not finished...