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Honeyblusher

36 M Portland, OR

My Details

Last Online
Today – 10:46am
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
6′ 1″ (1.85m)
Body Type
Athletic
Diet
Mostly vegetarian
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Never
Religion
Christianity
Sign
Leo, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Art / Music / Writing
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently)

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My self-summary
I certainly believe in a wild card (the romantic interest that will be). I would turn my rear view mirror to see where you are. Finding the sweetest mystery is key to me. Maybe I know the key to you. I aim to make your heart soar if I come near enough to connect. I have no fear of propping my future on a girl who smiles. I like dry wit and I joke just to be a silly head. I often step into awkward silences. Awkwardness is good; I enjoy looking down at your shoes and mine just to feel the air... to take in every drop of a conversation like sharing an ice cream cone. I hope you say what I cannot say. If you think I step away and not bang a drum too loudly...it just means I am listening to you... processing intricacies. It helps to drink in perspective... to be weightless and thoughtful. I have been clumsy and useless to romance in the past. I prefer to think on the long term outcome of my actions. The quiet leading up until now is all part of a perpetual clumsy adaptation. May I pick some flowers to fool you? (Sure!) Do you let your hair down to fool me? (Yes!) I'd probably do anything to be with you. In most cases I know who I'm dealing with, but I value honest emotions that help me sleep. The heart is slipping to dream, forgetting the minutes to beat. Keep it to a whisper, this is the way of me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRwijpJqLUw

Do you have a mind opened to language and books? If you don't enjoy reading or blogging I may not be suitable for you. Know that every season belongs for wandering bookstores, biting into apples. Let's find one to bite together. Pour me a glass of wine. Let's talk deep into the night. There's much out there to know. The sky is an ocean full of questions. I fill my sails with all I see.

About my ideal girl...she laughs often. She loves animals obviously. She catches me gazing at her in a movie. She has a favorite tree to love. She wants a tickling routine every morning. She is covering my eyes (and I am peeking through). She chases the flashlight in the dark (and I chase her). She and I watch the stars in the same way. She wears a cozy dress to stay equal with the breezy shade. She has a winsomeness in her fashion (but she's not a fashionista). She wants me to dance so she shoots at my feet. Safety is not guaranteed. She uses bubble popping smiles of gorgeousness to disarm me. She knows how to take me when I hold out my hand. Her hair is everywhere in my life. Something invisible about her shines a mile away. I miss her when I shelve books. She looks at me and knows what she sees. I wait to talk to her but she kisses me first. Maybe I hold a little too tight but she is a diamond no one found.

This is what I think. And I DO have a proper sense about expectations. Love is special, though it has not been on my side. I don't understand the science of it. But my heart is clear and safe like the water at a lake I used to know.

Some of my favorite things to do: I read several books in a month. I believe in my chest that I should have been doing this for years. I also frequent museums, novelty shops, or quiet local haunts with tea/ coffee served. I really like board games where I can sit close to my date holding hands under the table. I especially enjoy moments of silly randomness. I'd trade cash for them.

I am mostly a quiet guy. Indeed I will not be a spazz if you are more quiet than me. Haha I don't imagine it will be the unhearable sound of roses singing between us as I will be communicative. If you email me I may move very fast and ask for your number. Please be real with me. I don't mind writing emails, but it feels like going alone. You may not be looking to kick anyone in the teeth for trying to get your number. I may ask for it, send it my way.

It is a beautiful device to poke at the wounds that make us. Half of our lives is spent encouraged by embarrassment. We should not take ourselves so seriously. I often use low beam flashlights in the dark to decide the way to go. I feel down about past mistakes sometimes. Let me see your bruises where you tripped over desire. I can try to imagine every detail accurately for I have also been clumsy. I will keep appointments with disappointment if I can be with you. I care about an instinct in you and me to be loved. The red of the last light would fill completely if we could bleed a little about our past.

And this is the flash of my understanding.
What I’m doing with my life
The faster I write this, the smaller I become. How would I photograph this state of mind?

I desire to go to graduate school someday (possibly for social work with children). I have almost a complete work history with children (and there is a decent story for that later). I have degrees in Theology and English. For the longest time I was training to be a minister. But that jig is up... and life is more complicated (and completely more fulfilling) than me confronting you with a Bible, a sticker, and a ballpoint pen. I was never so smart or clever to think it would have even worked for me. Thinking about my several pastor friends, I don't know how they manage a laugh. I want to laugh all the time because these nights never end. People can be perfect and accepted when we don't think about it. So...I am interested in spirituality, but it's always private. You would not guess unless you viewed my library, a room of books on the soul's ability to swallow paradox and suspicions. Why do dreamers die? Why is the road so hard but paved with gold? Why do I try to love somebody true when they have me from the start? Are a billion moments just the same in a life time of love? This bit has nothing to do with how I desire you romantically.
I’m really good at
-ferreting out awkwardness
-catching your hand in full swing rotation
-chasing time and the door
-apparently mowing the yard in a bendy line
-keeping the soundtrack for our time
-kite running & tripping over tangled water hoses
-kissing to prove I'm not tame
-dutifully inspecting the rope swing before I push you
-diving in, breaking a crown
-waking up cold, blankets on the floor
-losing at Risk though I sometimes strike back
-feeding on stale muffins from Starbucks
-laying down in bed and dropping the cell phone in my face
-jumping the lidless manhole
-pouring hot tea to that triangulated area on my lap
-making all my busy plans
-letting you read in bed (though I will tickle you)
-opening windows, banging gongs
-pocket change arithmetic
-modest furnishments
-keeping memories and expiration dates
-having pinkphone-a-phobia
-parking on ice in two spins or less
-pulling espresso shots in pitch darkness
-elaborating about scenic places
-discovering traditions that would stay
-becoming a stranger on my own block
-staining my room with coffee, cologne, or fabric softener
-making life mistakes by listening to the soft rockers of the 1980's
-manipulating friends to cook
-manipulating friends to get sick
-thinking in the back seat
-drinking better and better wine every year
-losing feathers most every day
-questing for the real Cheesus (yusssss!)
-safety! dance!
-finding buttons
-feeding polar bears in the fridge
-asking nicely to pay attention
-collecting Sharpees to dangle out the car window
-running through ditches, climbing fences to get away
-going home late but with groceries
-believing in some movie if only it teaches me about you
-waiting for myself to wake up
-rushing through to drink relaxing tea
-setting fire to the curtains
-reading in the last light
-shooting a panoramic view
-whispering softly across the pillow
-holding a tarantula (and not spazzing)
-any mayhem in flower beds
-sleeping later and later in these days of solitude
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm not that sure. I don't wear Nikes unless I'm at the gym. I don't frost or highlight my hair tips after a shower so I would never be late for a date, haha. I don't wear baggy belly shirts, sports jerseys, jorts, double denim, flat bill baseball caps, gold pimp chains, banana hammocks, mesh clothing, dad jeans or embellished jeans, cause bracelets, skullwear, or Cosby sweaters. I do not have tattoos or piercings. And I never wear a bluetooth like the pretentious ass in public, chatting away in the checkout line holding everybody up.

Most women draw the line on a few of these. And I THINK YOU SHOULD if you're a modern woman who chases to possess.

I am complete in my person or so people say. The recent years of turmoil were about looking down at my red ankles so simple and often. I type and sit here dumb struck, arms uncrossed...there is always more to say and less to fall back on. It's good to be silent and not have to worry about appearances, but if you really want to know: I exercise often, read often, and care about others more than the rest. I run for love and I come and go. You would not believe how discovery leaves me laid out in defeat. I try not to have a shallow state of mind, so I often wake up without speaking to anyone for hours.

Sometimes I appear to be serious in the face, but I am usually quite cheery in my head. I'm good as gold and I will not turn on a dime. When I am telling the truth I will pull your hair gently back.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I peruse a mess of books almost daily. Few stay with me, and most fall to the floor. I'm interested in plays, mythologies, theologies, poetry, comics, and essays. A few of my favorite writers: Raymond Carver, George R. R. Martin, Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, Fitzgerald, Malcolm Gladwell, Dave Eggers, Augusten Burroughs, Michael Chabon, Jonathan Safran Foer, Michael Pollan, Neil Postman, David Sedaris, Miranda July, Mary Oliver, Henri Nouwen, Kathleen Norris. I don't know women who enjoy the same books. You are a special cut of glass if you have read The Architecture of Happiness or Blankets. Your best taste for books is appreciated.

I do feel elitest about music and I rarely listen to mainstream. I never listen to music very loud, unless I am at home alone. I especially like indie and instrumental, and it is okay if you want me to listen to something new.
: Over The Rhine, Sigur Rós, Hammock, Apparat, Washed Out, Broken Social Scene, Fredrik, Tim Hecker, Andrew Bird, The War on Drugs, Youth Lagoon, The Drums, Deerhunter, Magnetic Fields, The Cure, Keaton Henson, Aimee Mann, Daniel Lanois, Andrew Bird, Nick Drake, Cate Le Bon, Matt Pond, Sufjan Stevens, The New Pornographers, Viva Voce, Belle & Sebastian, Joseph Arthur, Lana Del Rey, Karen O, Sharon Van Etten, The National, Jens Lekman, The Radio Dept, Jeremy Enigk, Grandaddy, The Lassie Foundation, Starflyer59, Wilco, Travis, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, The Phoenix Foundation, The Middle East, Yann Tierson, The Innocence Mission, Camera Obscura, David Bowie, Johnny Cash, Bob Dylan.

Movies I like and will make you watch with me.
: Rocket Science, You and Me and Everyone We Know, All The Days Before Tomorrow, Frances Ha, Blue Valentine, Safety Not Guaranteed, Under the Skin, Hot Fuzz, the Coen Brothers catalog completely, Punch-Drunk Love, Away We Go, In the Mood for Love, Band of Outsiders, Smiles of a Summer Night, Cashback, Amelie, Breathless, Antichrist, Melancholia, The Tree of Life, Upstream Color, Three Colors Trilogy, French New Wave cinema, The Names of Love, Nine Queens, Brick, Revanche, The Edukators, Run Lola Run, Spirited Away, Gerry, Elephant, Ghost World, Millions, The Squid and the Whale, all movies by Wes Anderson especially The Royal Tenenbaums, Surviving Desire, Trust, Juno, Smart People, Layer Cake, Drive, Sunshine, Let Me In, They Live, The Cabin in the Woods, Planet Terror, The Goonies, Pan's Labyrinth, Moon, Waiting for Guffman, Thank You for Smoking, Jackie Brown, Kill Bill, Wallace and Gromit, Another Earth, Love Actually, About A Boy, Life is Beautiful, Return to Me, and any Woody Allen film certainly.

Watching television and pirating Netflix, I should try to reform myself someday.
: HOUSE OF CARDS, True Detective, Arrested Development, Freaks and Geeks, How I Met Your Mother, Flight of the Conchords, Portlandia, Daily Show, Colbert, Bill Maher, The Office (BBC version please), Pushing Daisies, Tosh.0, Mystery Science Theater 3000, Dr. Horrible, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Frisky Dingo, Archer, Kids in the Hall, Futurama, Firefly, Dollhouse, Breaking Bad, Mad Men, BBC Sherlock, The X-Files.

Documentaries: BBC Planet Earth please, Black Fish, Exit Through the Gift Shop, UP series, Obscene, Nova specials, The Parking Lot Movie, Roger & Me, Food INC, Gasland, Best Worst Movie, Spellbound, Objectified, This Film Is Not Yet Rated, The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters, National Geographic, Man on Wire, My Kid Could Paint That, Loose Change, Waiting for Superman, Revenge of the Electric Car.

And about food...I’m extremely unhealthy. That is considering the fact that I have recently acquired a diet of nothing but pita chips and chocolate covered acai berries. I am most likely malnourished. That’s somewhat of an exaggeration but even so.
The six things I could never do without
-Closed doors (when I try to do too much).
-Open doors (when I have too much time).
-Being naked, feeling blessed with sex.
-F/stops
-The taste of manic blue and lemonade
-Knowing that my condition is far worse than I can tell. Maybe no one belongs around me more than you.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
a) people I used to know. What are they doing now? Did they marry? Are they reciting a creed or are they cursing at God today? These worries do not parch my soul but scrape at it. As for me I was born to love without the fear of falling over in laughter.

b) the internet radio. Why does it play a song I understand? I must be a king on some horizon.
On a typical Friday night I am
reading the cover flaps of books and ignoring the telephone. I am always digging for something more on Friday night (oh hell, any night). If I am lonely, it's just for fun.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I waver sometimes. When I was in the 7th grade I tussled hard for popularity. I was shy as a knife and I was usually the odd man out at school. It was a disgusting year of attracting people to like me. So much so to bring me to my parents' room one night for a talk. My stepfather asked me why I needed these people, and I had absolutely nothing to say. What do you do when your father says you're the one to blame? No answer. No excuse. No need. I would not try to erase and recalculate. The question and the lack of an answer was the dust that settled. It was a God forsaken conclusion with no absolution. So I moved quickly to other assignments: the candle commands that I breathe deep. Kissing requires that I stop my thinking. If you can't see the stars please dim the lights. It won't stop my heart that I am never going home.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 23–34
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
you are about falling towards love when, for you, love requires someone who speaks your rare emotional language. Yours may be a language of whimsy and daring, of playful mind games and bold challenges. Your lack of inhibition should amaze my imagination. Like sitting in a goldmine, I would believe you are brave and bright and nothing is missing. I do require compatibility if I can be with you. It is okay for you to need me too. Eventually I want us to use absolutes like "always" and "no matter what", all without it feeling contrived or dishonest or painful. I want to be what is best for you, and I want you to know you're what is best for me. I want to share an equal love without fears and prayers. If you cannot kiss me in a bookstore, we will not go too far.

I do not like small talk or a slow burn online. I'm not interested. Pardon. I do not need friends because I have them. I do have the time for someone important (and she is probably more important than I know). I want to move past these scratched up floorboards and be pulled under in conversation with you. Clarity has nothing to with our skin really. So please 1) have time to communicate with me and 2) know your proclivities. If you are distracted we do not need to say hello. Your silence can have its say and we can both move quickly to other assignments.

You should convince me I need romance to stay up late with. Sometimes romance can be the smallest signal. Maybe you have a penchant for the sublime? Maybe your heart is steaming and you suffer that feeling from the radio? From debris you and I can start something. You may be the only thing I am dreaming of.

I do not keep the best records of being lonely. I take pleasure where I remain to discover books, shaky leaves, and diamonds that flash in the dark. I like to be a creative day in and day out. I may have those terrible moments to pour whiskey on the fire just to get things going. It's my way of praying that someone else stokes the fire to make matters less lonely and interesting. So personal growth should be important to you. There is a forest in my heart and that changes me. I see myself as well adjusted. It is rewarding to climb trees, run over bridges, and photograph mountains. I certainly value the rare moments of timelessness, hiding out in places where no one misses me. I seem to be a world class chaser of that feeling.

And finally...I have a lot of guilt about not being more ambitious to desire someone romantically again (perhaps posting this profile will bring my defenses down... but it could be my worst adversary). I do take a lot pleasure in the people I meet but it would be best to know someone more meaningful. I would like to discover and understand that person for many years in a row.