Okay, you know what? I haven't updated this thing in so long it's no longer really relevant. In fact it's very nearly quaint. This profile's much better and actually has semi-recent pictures: http://www.plentyoffish.com/member806082.htm

I've decided to leave the rest of this here for historical purposes. ---

I've decided to try out this double bracket thing, but, as with many things, I'm probably going to wind up bracketing stupid things because I'm an ass.

Well, I'm a dork. That right there just about sums up the whole ouvre of me. In many ways the word goober serves to better join the overpowering dorkiness that is me with my inherently wacky sense of humour. Or "humour" if you're not insane to the point where I'm funny. Of course insanity's on a sliding scale, so it's all subjective. But I'm rambling.

I do that a lot.

It occurs to me that I probably come across as pretty pretentious based only on the written word. I assure you, it's all in the delivery. Particularly my masterful use of compound obsenities.

I'm at the U of M. I'm muddling my way through the Accounting program, which I find kind of interesting, but then again I'm a huge dork, so go figure.

I sprained my ankle playing video games. I know, I didn't think it was possible either, but there it is. What a yutz.

I sometimes kill kittens. That's not weird, is it?

Being a lovable doofus. Unless you don't get my particular brand of wackiness, in which case the answer is "Annoying the shit out of you." Also unlocking the terrible secret of space.

They don't, because I'm normally blending into the background quite nicely. Either that or serpentining, employing the covert ordinance tactics I picked up. In 'Nam.

If I were naked, they'd probably notice my penis though. If only because that sort of thing normally isn't on display at Safeway.

I tend to gesticulate wildly, and my voice inflects about seventeen different ways when I'm talking. If there's anyone likely to accidentally punch you in the eye during a heated debate then feel really badly about it, it's me.

In public I've got a weird combination of crippling social anxiety and desire to amuse, so if I don't know many people around I'm horribly shy and quiet, but if I'm amongst friends I'm probably the loud asshole you wish would stop making bad jokes and just shut their yapper.

Also my luscious man breasts.

So let's see here..Microserfs by Douglas Coupland is the definition of an awesome book, and I can quote obscure passages with little provocation. These days I don't read a whole helluva lot of fiction though, it's mainly political/social commentary or humour. Will Ferguson (I'm Canadian!), Al Franken (I'm a left-wing crazy!), David Sedaris (I'm...gay..friendly? I guess!) and the like. Also America: The Book (Oh Samantha Bee). The thing about fiction is that there's so much of it out there, and my interest in it would probably be more swayed by style and skill of the author than subject, so it's hard to find anything I'd enjoy without some idea of what the author's like to begin with. So pretty much when I find something I like I tend to read everything I can by that person quickly, and then I'm immediately out of reading material again.

Clue is the greatest movie ever made. Shut up. I'm also particularly fond of Almost Famous, although through the bizarreness of me I've never actually seen the original theatrical version. I've got the DVD set and so I've never bothered with the shorter original, jus the bootleg cut. Also anything by Christopher Guest. Or Wes Anderson. Maybe add Jesus Christ Superstar in there, because my love of musicals wins out over the Atheism. More recently there's stuff like Napoleon Dynamite, Shaun of the Dead, and Mean Girls. I've been told by pretty much everyone I know that if I drank more I'd be Miles in Sideways, which is both wildly accurate and vaguely mean. Hitchhiker's Guide was, as we all could've guessed, a thundering disappointment, Zooey Deschanel shower scene excepted. 40 Year Old Virgin was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. I swear I probably missed half the lines due to my laughter at the other half of the movie.

Musical tastes, eh? They're extremely eclectic. Pretty much everything except rap and country. And most kinds of metal. Also electronica. And good chunks of modern pop. You know what, let's just say if it's rock or pop or some sort of catchy tune from anytime before around 1995, I'm okay with it. If I ever find myself in need of a cellphone, but I can't see but you never know, I intend to get Europe's The Final Countdown as the ringtone in homage to Arrested Development and bad magicians everywhere. But if I'm getting into specifics I'd probably have to mention REM, Ben Folds, Sam Cooke, ELO, Foo Fighters, Barenaked Ladies, that sort of thing.

I like food.

Slightly more specifically I'm crazy-go-nuts about cheese and peanut butter, often at the same time. I bake excellent cookies. So domesticated. I make a chicken dish that has been called anything from "delicious" (by me) to "creepy" (by someone who isn't so much me).

I have no earthly idea. This sort of question is exactly how Nazi Germany started.

Absurdity in the world at large. I guess that's what happens when "detached bemusement" is your default setting.

I also appear to have some sort of comma fetish, wherein I compulsively use way too many commas. I could also teach a graduate-level course on "Ellipse Theory" and a little something I like to call "The Ironic Period", but nerd grammar's not the world's most popular field of study.

Don't get me start on social outcast naming conventions, because you don't want me detailing the finer points of geek v. dweeb.

Sleeping, most likely. And that's just sad, con sarnit. Although, in fairness, not having ever really had a social life if I were doing something other than sleeping on a Friday night I think the shock to my system might well place me in a coma the likes of which the world has never seen.

Absolutely nothing. Not that I don't want to reveal some dark truth (which I really don't, to be honest), it's that there's really not that many interesting things about me that aren't fairly evident already. Plus, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, so my hands are tied, I'm afraid.

Kitten killing notwithstanding.

I dunno, you feel particularly inclined? I'm mainly just filling this out since I'd already taken the test and answered way too many of the questions, and I had some time to kill. Also, I figured it'd be another website to regularly view to relieve the whatever that is my daily existence. That probably sounded a lot more bitter and jaded than it needed to. And I'm rambling again. So..whatever, message me if you like, I'm not here to judge, and I might just respond with something witty. Or snide. Or more likely neither, just something that seemed funny at the time but three minutes later I'll feel like a jackass for replying with whatever stupid thing I came up with. My nervous collapse just a few mouse clicks and some typing away. (Unlike Manny Perry I'm willing to admit that it takes more than clicking to navigate the interweb.)