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                          If We Date

I'm fun-loving, adventurous, and spontaneous, so if we date, that's how it will be. We'll have unconventional dates that are a blast, are often physically active (by physically active I mean 'athletic' rather than 'sexual'), and that you always remember. I'm independent and function fine single, so if we date, don't expect me to seem 'needy'. I like to date girls that I really like, which are extremely rare, but they've been known to exist. So if we do date, you very well might find that I really do genuinely like you a lot.

I tend to do my own thing and be a leader--definitely the alpha-male type--so you won't find me 'whipped'. I love making a girl who I really like feel like she's a treasure and a princess, because she is, if she's a girl I really like. I'll make you laugh and joke around with you and cherish the stupid little inside jokes we come up with. Every once in so long I'll probably surprise you with something--like a card or a gift or an event or who knows what--even when it's not a special occasion. I'll be charming and gentlemanly and chivalrous. Sometimes I'll let you know how great you are, but I won't tell you excessively. Once in a while I'll let you know what's wrong with you too, but not often. Sometimes I'll challenge and help encourage you to help you become a better person, and I hope you'll do that for me too.

I'll be sensitive to your feelings and care about what's on your mind, even if you or other people think it's dumb. I'll admire you and care for you and respect you. I won't use you for sex but I'll be attracted to you and probably enjoy just being with you and seeing you, no matter what we're doing. Sometimes I'll just feel like cuddling with you on the couch and talking or watching a movie. I won't be a doormat but I won't hold it against you if you make mistakes and occasionally hurt my feelings and occasionally wrong me. I might let you know it happened but I'll forgive you. I'll occasionally make mistakes and might at some point hurt your feelings too, but you can trust that I don't want to ever hurt you and that I'll admit I'm wrong and do my best to change, and I hope you'll forgive me.

We'll be good friends and also more than friends. I'll be open to who you are as a person and what you want for the relationship. We'll have the relationship that really fits us. I'll learn from you and you'll learn from me. We'll help each other grow in our relationships with God and pray together and put God first in our lives. I won't date you with plans to eventually drop you. But whether something ever happens and someday we aren't still together, or if our relationship always lasts, I hope you will have become a better person because of our time together.

living in a van down by the river
(bonus points if you remember this sketch)

making chewbaca-like sounds, the limbo, talking like Jimmy Stewart

If it's a time when I'm wearing a full-body black and white cow suit, it would probably be the suit. Or maybe, more specifically, the udders. However, I've never worn such a suit.

what to type in this section

runnin, runnin, runnin like a constipated weiner dog

1. Sometimes when I'm all alone in a bathroom I take off all my clothes and take a shower completely naked!
2. I have a profile on a dating site.

... you've been taken captive by a gang of mobsters who aren't being very nice and they give you nothing but bread, water, and a computer with access to okcupid. If that happens, go ahead and message me, cuz I can be your hero baby.