Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Not a nice guy. Not like, a monster or anything. Just not a "nice
guy". Can not stress that enough.
Is writing about how difficult these things are to fill out cliched
enough to be done ironically? If so, I'll start with that
I'm the worlds most sociable misanthrope. I absolutely love a
crowd, but love pulling a few people aside to make fun of the crowd
I love to go out dancing but almost exclusively at gay bars even
though I would describe myself as pretty not gay. This is for a
number of reasons:
1 - most of my friends who enjoy a night out dancing, happen to be
gay so I go where they go.
2 - I find people at gay clubs tend to have way less sexual hang
ups so dance floors there are actually fun instead of just gross
sweaty meat markets.
3 - There's nobody there that I would want to sleep with who would
also be interested in sleeping with me. That Venn diagram is just
two lovely, big, separate circles. Which suits me great since the
idea of seducing someone through dance is so hilarious it makes me
vomit with anxiety and turns my limbs into giant rigid turbines of
So if we ever do go dancing and I'm not a terrible flailing mess,
you will know that it's either because we share a deep and soulful
connection and there are no boundaries between us or I'm just not
attracted to you.
Good luck figuring out which!
Insects in clever human outfits need not apply.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm just starting to get my first breaks into writing TV which is
what I've always wanted to do. I can't believe I'm actually getting
paid to tell cartoon characters what to say.
Update: One of the shows I write on just got nominated for an Emmy
and yet I still have to work a day job. Not fair.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Making people laugh at things they normally wouldn't and getting
dogs to like me. Although dogs like everyone so maybe I'm not that
Tell me I'm special. It's basically the only reason I'm here.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My voice. I always sound sarcastic even when I'm not trying to and
it leads to many hilarious misunderstandings. If you find the idea
of people being offended unnecessarily hilarious, that is.
That or my hair. Seriously, it's like half my personality.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: A Confederacy of Dunces, John Dies at the End, The Stand,
Save the Cat and American Psycho
Films: OldBoy, Ringu, Perfume, Children of Men, Shaun of the
Music: Cake, The Deftones, Soul Coughing/Mike Doughty and The
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Thats a weird question. Why six?
And why do so many of you mention cheese in this section? Six
essentials that you couldn't bare to live without, and one of them
is curdled dairy extract? Sort your fucking priorities out!
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Why certain things are funny. If anyone has any theories on why
watermelons are inherently funnier than apples I'd love to hear it.
But if you're going to try to tell me that they're not, you can go
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
...altering my OkCupid profile so it doesn't have as many lame,
cliched answered in it. What's that? It's Tuesday? Then screw you
profile questionnaire! Now I'm free to go out dancing on Friday.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
You know that moment when you're at the movies and the trailers
have finished and the lights go down? Well that moment usually
sends a shiver and a feeling of warmth through me that is so
strong, it makes me think I love movies more than I could ever love
another human being.
That and all my weird sex stuff, of course.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
...you want to push back against the patriarchy! Internet dating
was supposed to level the playing field but still so many people
cling to the idea that a woman can't make the first move. I'm
rapidly running out of ice-breakers. Don't make me repeat them, it
cheapens us both.
Or did I just admit that girls hardly ever contact me first? Either
way, say hi. I promise it wont destroy your reputation.
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.