Ok ok ok ok ok! Forget all this stupid garbage below this is all you need to know about me: I was watching the new Orange is the New Black season and Piper was sad and drinking a 40 of Colt 45 Malt Liquor. I was drinking the exact same Colt 45 40oz while I was watching the episode. I started going bonkers, "Pipes fucking gets it!".
So that was me last night (well at time of writing. Who has time to rewrite their profile everyday? Lots of people probably). I wrote a bunch of stuff for this profile awhile ago, but who gives a shit? I was drinking the same 40 as sad prison furlough Piper. That was the coolest I ever felt in my entire life. I feel like I should remove all this nonsense about my college major, being a feminist Leftist ex-sad boy, going to the zoo, and other details of my life because it's all just irrelevant compared to drinking the same quality hops and malts as Piper.
WARNING! BORING LIFE DETAILS APPROACHING!
My name is Mike. I'm an idiot asshole bike delivery boy. Graduated College.
BORING LIFE DETAILS FINISHED. Fun part of profile resumes:
The whole OKC thing wasn't getting me the best matches until I answered the "Has capitalism made the world a better place?", and made the mandatory response a "no". Now I get really good messages from the right kind of people.
I met the saddest dad ever in a gay bar in Wilkes Barre last month. I'm not sad, nor am I a dad.