Someone messaged me with this quote.
"Dating is for gaping vaginas who shop at Sears."

It's you, and I, and dominoes.
Should I go back to school to get a Masters? What do you think? I need help in making the decision so where better than a dating site to ask that question. The job market sucks so much it puts Megamaid to shame. If you get that reference you win a million space bucks.

I am one lost soul swimming in a fish bowl. Year after year.

99% of women on this site don't and won't get along with me. It's nothing against anyone but if you are on this site, the odds are you are water and I am oil. No I'm not making a sex joke, that would be too cheesy for even me, and that's saying something. We just don't mix. You are in your water layer and I am in my oil layer. The same traits that made me good at customer service when I worked retail make me pretty much undatable on here. I either offend you, am not up to your standards, etc... We just don't click. If you are in that 1% which I think is more like 0.2435232%, we may actually get along. If you think Psych is the best show on TV right now we may get along. If you randomly quote movies and shows(which most find annoying), we may get along.

Everyone on here has the right to their standards. Hey, it's a supply and demand thing and women are in demand while there are too many men. This environment creates two things which is assisted by the fact that men message women who are way out of their league so those women end up as almost celebrity in status One, most women get a high amount of messages compared to their male counterparts. The average man is lucky to get a reply per week. I know, most of the messages are disgusting in nature and in fact most guys on here are on here because going up to a woman and saying what you want to do to her or showing your privates probably doesn't work in the real world, but they are replies. With guys there seem to be two classes on this site. One is the good looking guy who there would be no way he would be single but while he does have great abs, they can only go so far in hiding his personality. The other is the not so good looking guy who is just out of luck. They can't find women in person so they come on here desperate to get a date. These are low quality men who may or may not have better personalities but their redeeming qualities are too few or none so online dating turns into never getting replies let alone a date. There is the third kind who is taken but is looking to cheat on his significant other or is part of a swinger couple that has casual sex. I don't really count them but they are on here and I'm sure you women have received messages from them. Two, women have higher standards than they ordinarily would in the real world. Don't get offended, it's true. Simple economics. Women are diamonds, men are graphite. That's for you Geologists out there. As a man on this site you better stick out in some way positively or get used to getting no replies. It can be looks which is the most obvious one. I always laugh when people in general tell me looks on here are relative to individuals. Let me tell you the truth, what physical features make a man attractive and not attractive are pretty darn close to universal. I know, there are exceptions, but they are hard to find. Most women have very similar standards in looks. An example is height. Put a guy who is 5'6 next to a guy who is 6'2" and have them look alike and have the same backgrounds. Their only difference is height. I will bet you 49 of the 50 will choose the taller guy. Now here come the "You are just bitter" messages. The truth does not equal bitter.

Back to my point, that 0.2etc...% of women that I actually could get along with are not easy to find. People get offended over everything. I hate texting on my new phone so women assume I'm not interested when the truth is, I just hate texting without a keyboard. Dates are now just people looking for reasons why the other person isn't up to their "standards." Like I said, they have the right to have those standards. I'm not offended, but please, don't start with the "Someone out there for everyone" or "You just have to get out more" lines. They are false. Don't try to raise some desperate guy's hope if you aren't willing to date him because when the guy is naive enough to believe it, he will end up being hurt even more when he is rejected time and time again. Two long paragraphs are just me saying, don't BS me. It's part of why I hate dating. Everyone is full of crap and are that hole in the buttox where that crap comes out. Heck, I am as well, but I will admit it all day.

If you were offended by one or both of those two paragraphs, we have no chance.

What's up people? What's happening? Don't be afraid to message me, I won't bite. Maybe growl...

I can't believe I'm single. I'm like going to your favorite store and seeing your favorite item in your favorite store 75% off. You just take as many as you can carry. One of you is going to carry me off. LOL, that was so cheesy it makes cheese whiz on your favorite cheese steak look not cheesy. It's still wild that I'm still single. One of you is going to get a great deal, but you have to act fast before I'm taken. I plan on keeping my next relationship for a long time. Same if it's a friendship. I'm so sick of the flakey "friends" I have now that I could use one that actually doesn't flake. Those kinds of friends are very underrated. The friend that actually shows up. Same with dates.

I wanted to answer this question first because I keep getting asked. The question is am I insane? The answer is yes. The thing is I'm the most sane one in my family. Imagine the rest of my family. Also most of you are insane. That's why you're here. One of the most common messages I get is "if you hate dating, why are you here? The answer is because, I do what I want.
Also I randomly rate people and give them 4 stars. Everyone deserves 4 stars. Only Batman deserves 5 stars. Oh Bruce you are my star. Don't be all offended over me rating you. I get bored so I do that. Some of you must have a stick up your ass the size of a telephone poll.

What's up with this "Wanderlust" fad going on? You know I admit to being jealous of these people. They get to travel the world. I wish the Jewish stereotype fit me so I could travel the world too but, I'm pretty broke, my parents are broke, and my grandmother is broke. I get to live in the one Jewish family that has no money. When I do get money I blow it on gadgets.

Ever just wake up one day and feel like your life is going nowhere? That's me right now. Yes I went to college(Temple) and yes I graduated, and I expected to suddenly be able to get jobs that pay well but instead two years after graduation after applying to countless jobs that require a degree, I find myself stuck in the same retail job for almost four years now. Are any of you in a similar position? It's such a helpless feeling. I can't force people to hire me although I am using an agency now. What do you do about it? Message me with an answer and "keep applying" doesn't seem to be working. Also message me if you are in a similar situation. I want to hear your stories.

I am currently storm chasing via the internet. Freaking awesome! I get all pumped up and excited. Tornadoes are a bigger turn on than the most attractive woman on here.

Is it just me or is Pink Floyd the greatest thing ever? I think they are and if you disagree you can shove the entire moon, not just the dark side up your ass. Speaking of the greatest band ever, someone uploaded the complete Pulse concert from 94 at The Vet onto Youtube. I was 6 at the time so I missed out but wow, the entire second half of the show the crowd was roaring. At some parts you could barely hear the music because the crowd was so loud. It was an hour long roar. Wish I was there. Someone get me a flux compacitor now!

I must agree with Louis C.K. If a woman asks any man to squeeze her boob for one second, one hundred percent would say yes. I don't care if he's doing open heart surgery, he will squeeze it.

I just watched the Psych episode where Shawn kisses Jules in the rich guy's house and am all emotional. Since I have pretty much the same personality as Shawn, why not me?

One thing I am asked is "Why do I make this profile?" The answer happens when I get so many messages from angry people who have so many dating horror stories. Dating has turned from what should be a fun activity of meeting someone into a pressured event that puts a microscope on the most petty and shallow features of a person. It's more like a meat market as so many others have told me. It's more like a store where people act more like this is Best Buy instead of a dating site. I know so many of you are sick of it and I'm sick of it as well. It's not Okcupid's fault. It's the dating culture we live in. People message me showing me their true selves. Most people are just as nervous as I am. They are worried about dating and the messages they get which are mostly terrible make them worry more. Maybe I can show them that not everyone is like that on here. There are people who are different than the mainsteam population. There are people on here who legitimately want to date. It's too bad how many people have this awful side of them come out when they do date. It becomes no longer about having fun and more about "What does that person have to offer me?" I think there is something wrong with that mind set.

I am in the process of moving from the city back to the suburbs where I grew up. I apologize for being slow to reply. I should be almost complete by next week. I am happy to be moving out of that neighborhood because it was infested with people who are fake nice. Sure they will hold the door for someone but anything beyond that was out of the question unless the person was in their social circle. Those self indulgent jagoffs can go sniff their farts and keep talking in a smug tone of voice while I finally have escaped and can live with real people again.

For those of you who tell me I couldn't get laid in a whorehouse with a fiistful of $50's let me tell you that's not true because if I had a fistful of $50's I would use them to get some cool gadget. Maybe a laser. Women dig lasers.

There is someone in my head but it's not me.

I like it when someone writes in this section that they are "bad at these things" when we all know it's all about the picture...at first.

I'm not sure why everyone thinks I'm some really good looking guy. Then you get mad when you see I'm not. Why do you have such high physical expectations for me? A strong personality has nothing to do with looks yet it seems some on here believe if someone has a strong personality they must be very good looking and get offended when I send them a picture like I had just called them a bad name. Not being really good looking isn't the crime some on here make it out to be. I have a theory which says some of you believe I'm the person for you and I constantly get flirtatious messages suggesting they see me in a positive way, so they let their expectations get carried away and expect me to be this at the very least an eight out of ten looks wise and when I fail to meet that they become shocked and yes even offended. They call me names, curse me out, really take out their anger on me and I ask them why and they make up some obvious faulty excuse when the reason is obvious. To those people who are reading this and dozens of you are, I apologize for not being the good looking man you were hoping me to be. Sorry I couldn't live up to your expectations.

Some people are meant to date and others like me are meant to try to date but instead make quite the ass of themselves. If it's the wrong thing to say at the wrong time you know I will say it.

I get very nervous around really attractive women. Some have messaged me and it throws me so off I don't know to respond. While looks aren't the number one trait I am looking for, some women on here, I just don't know why they are on here since they are flat out beautiful. I always wonder how they end up on here.

I'm often asked why someone with my personality is on here. The answer is that I'm a cannibal and end up eating my dates. It's not dating for me, it's finding my next meal. I'm making that sound Sir Anthony made.

Why are all of the most interesting women on here in relationships? It's rather depressing. The women I've dated were mostly very activisty but didn't have the same hobbies that I do. Then again almost everyone doesn't have the same hobbies I do. I have no problems with being activisty and respect people who are because they are standing up for what they believe in but that's just not me. I know some may get offended but we are all nuts.

It used to say I reply "very selectively." How many guys can pull that off? Come on give me some credit. The lack of a pic is what does it. People like mysterious guys. Why give away the mystery? It would destroy my "replies very selectively." I know my hair is attractive but I didn't expect this many women chasing me because of it. It must be the charming, cynical douchebag persona.
I want to give a shout out to the dozens of people who have messaged me saying they have had similar experiences and have similar feelings. It looks like I'm not alone. If you read this profile and need to vent because your dating experiences haven't exactly gone as planned, drop me a message. I'm told I'm a good listener and if you need a friend, I'm a good one of those too.
I'm a huge Flyers and Phils fan.
At least I'm not using this line. Has anyone actually messaged you with it? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1GA4qcbwjI

I freaking hate dating. It's the worst thing next to being waterboarded and being forced to watch The Notebook. Yeah I just pissed of 80% of the women on here. Fine, Showgirls. I mean lots of nudity but what was the plot? First you have to get the person to reply which is a challenge in it's own right because most of the time they don't even reply. When they do reply you have all this small talk like "Hey sup." Most guys then would give their phone numbers and make their casual sex intentions obvious. If I was a woman on here I would say something like, so, how many times did it take to lift up your shirt and take a pic of your six pack abs. Then the small talk sometimes goes nowhere. If you get through the small talk you get a phone number where more small talk occurs. Once again there is a risk of them dissipearing and you never hear from them again. Finally you arrange a first "date." There is always the risk of them cancelling and you never hearing from them again. If you get to the date they have to actually show up which seems to be a challenge for some people on this site. (My definition of flaking is someone cancelling within two hours of the date, especially within the hour. If they cancel two days before that's not flaking, but if you are on the way to the meeting and they call or text you that they can't make it, they are flaking. They got nervous for some reason. Most of the time it's because they are not interested in you and didn't know how to say no.)Maybe they should have someone explain IF YOU SAY YOU ARE GOING TO BE THERE, THEN BE THERE. YOU DON'T JUST NOT SHOW UP. THAT'S CALLED BEING A COWARD. They show up and more awkward small talk. Then it repeats itself for a 2nd date. Maybe a kiss or something by then. By then you're down $200 that you could have spent on building a theme park with Blackjack, and hookers. In fact, forget the theme park! Then more dating! At any time they can just say not interested. F that, if I'm putting up hundreds of dollars, I want some return. (This is where I am accused of having an "entitlement" complex by certain people. These people are what's called full of turdiness because those same people who accuse me of being "entitled" whine like crazy if they don't have sex for two weeks.) This isn't a casino. Yeah you know what I mean. Sitting there watching tv together! Yeah!
People are flaked on and treated like objects. You can't treat people that way. You have to treat people like...people but so many treat people like they are in a deli window trying to find the best piece of meat. The prime cut. Those guys with "hot bods" as you put it are on here because once you get past their physique what's inside is something that women who they meet in person and often those muscles are hiding a personality that quite frankly sucks. Then again if you like being treated like garbage, there are plenty of them on here so enjoy! I know you will :-)
This happens multiple times and before you know it, you are broke and still single. Well, F that. Then you have to be all attractive. This person is looking for the slightest flaw in you. In my case I'm so ugly, I went to a haunted house and came out with a job. Yeah, a classic I know. So they all look at me with a disappointing glare. Yeah, well up yours! Now have sex with me. No? Damn.

I get these "If you hate dating so much why do you have a profile? I DON'T KNOW!!!! What are you the dating police? Man F you. I can hate whatever I want whenever I want. Yeah bitches free country. Up yours! Yeah I'm actually the rebellious type. You know, the kind your mom tells you not to get with because I'm so bad and play by my own rules. I listen to that "Rock and/or roll" music. Tell your parents to take their Frank Sinatra and shove his good acting career up their asses! Yeah I'm bad I'm freaking bad. I'm going to pick you up on my non-existent motorcycle and take you down to Makeout Point. I'm such in demand I have a reserved parking spot there. I also am so cool the Jazz musicians give me their refer. Those guys are cool. I'm so bad I put Often to drugs because uhh Caffeine is a drug! Ass, what are you going to judge me now. Yeah fuck that. I play by my own rules. Oh I said that already. Well I'm saying it again because of how badass I am. You don't want to date me. I'm bad news. I once kicked someone's ass because he wouldn't play by my rules.

I'm SO FUCKING AWESOME! FUCK YEAH! There is like dating guys on here and then there is dating me. I'm like the Banana Republic of the Old Navy chain and most of the guys here are like Gap. I'm the fucking man! I don't have dates, she just jumps on me and it goes from there. Fuck, I'm Pepsi and the other guys are like RC Cola or Diet Rite. The fuck is Diet Rite? But I'm white so I'm like Crystal Pepsi which was fucking awesome. I don't care what any of you think! Why date me? Why not?! You've been with the rest and they all suck. Bunch of lame ass mofos. If there was a list of guys by ranking I would be number 1 by like a mile or like 10 miles or like 500 miles! It doesn't even matter. You want me! You know you do. I'm that fucking good. Dun dun dun dun dun oh I'm like humming some song.

Eating people.
Going to Africa and forcing the natives to convert to Christianity. Ironic since I'm Jewish.
Everyone asks me what I do. I guess they see the income. Let me save you the question and tell you. I work for a top secret government agency who's run by Michael Bay to get people to keep giving money to see movies with all explosions and no story lines. That's all you have to know. The rest is classified and if I tell you I will have to do something rather unpleasant to you. Make you watch Michael Bay's secret romantic comedy. Lets just say it makes Jack and Jill look like an Oscar winner so I wouldn't go too far asking me what I do.

Finding penises. One day I was walking down the street and I came across a penis. I said, "Why is there a penis on the ground, their usual place is in the crotchal region of a man but it was there. I said, "Did anyone a lose a penis?" I got no answer. I wasn't going to touch it so I just walked past. I hope they found a home for it. The last thing we need are more homeless penises.

Also eating people.

That I'm witty! Isn't what you're supposed to put on your profile. I also can move things with my mind which is somewhat scary to people but if John Travolta can do it in a cheesy 90s movie why can't I? It gives me the ability to also make people's heads literally explode. I can just stare someone and if I focus hard enough their head explodes.
My tendency to eat my dates does get me noticed.

This isn't the proper place but I keep getting phone calls reminding me of a doctor's appointment on Monday. I already confirmed it yet I just got another phone call to confirm it. What next? Do I have to go to the place an tell them I'm coming back on Monday? I made the appointment for a reason. You don't have to call me twice to confirm. Jeeze, okay so where was I? Oh favorite books. Whatever is popular. What do you women like your guys to read. I like those books. Movies? Idk, whatever you women like. That Eternal Sunshine Movie and that 500 Day of Summer. You women like those movies right? I'm not going to say The Notebook, sorry*shudders.* Shows? Whatever you women like. I see the same mentioned over and over. Big Bang Theory even though I don't watch but I have to be trendy right. 2 Broke Girls is another I see mentioned in every other profile. Also *insert generic reality show.* I like that show. I like Breaking Bad. It is the best show except for The Wire and Spacecataz. I like whatever music is popular and will get you more interested in me. Everyone loves that Bruno Mars character right? It doesn't matter what I like, it matters what is considered popular to like. I only like locally grown, organic, vegan food. That's popular right? I'm lying but whatever is popular, I like that food. I see lots of Indian Food. Yeah, you like it until a few hours later on the toilet. Then not so much. I love tie. I also love shirt.
Isn't Psych the greatest show ever? If not, it's up there.

Macbook-I don't own one but it's popular and trendy so I will say that.
H3O-It's water but more trendy to have 3 molecules instead of just 2. 2 oxygen molecules is outdated. See how trendy I am?
O3-Same thing as above. I breathe air that is more trendy than your air.
Food replicator- Yeah, I have a device that makes whatever food I want. It's so trendy that it doesn't even exist.
Mr. Fusion- It powers my hover car. It's another thing that is so trendy, it doesn't exist yet but I have one because I'm so cool.
My imagination-It's pretty trendy.

If 2 trains are traveling down the same track and are 40 miles apart. One train is moving at 40mph, the other at 30mph. How long until they collide? I'm not doing the math. F you, do your own math.

Hitting the club! Right, I'm supposed to be all cool so yeah, me and my boys, we hit the club, sometimes we literally drive through the wall into the club because we like to literally hit the club. Then we get out and beat the crap out of the bouncers because we are tough guys, then turn time back into the 80s so we can do our outdated dance moves but since it's the 80s they are considered "fresh." I'm really good at breakdancing. Sometimes we turn back time to the 90s and start shaking our heads to "What is Love" while pushing women between us.
Who really gives a crap? I'm all night skydiving with Bigfoot. What do you do on your Friday Night? I bet it's nothing compared to mine. Bigfoot is the best free faller I've ever seen. I don't even need a parachute because I have X-men powers or something.

I touched the penis. I also click accept to terms of service without reading them. I may end up as a Human Centipad. If so, please save me.
Awww I'm black yall I'm black yall and I'm blacker than black...wait, actually I'm not. Never mind...
I am the best at accidently offending people.
I did go to Bigfoot's wedding. I said, hey B and he said rahhh!
My huge guns. 2nd amendment! I have a gun from WWI was carried by train because it was so big. I bought a mobile platform so I can sit there with an angry look with my 5 story gun. Thing doesn't take out houses, it takes out neighborhoods. What, you think "urban decay" is responsible for the area around Temple? I just wanted to test it out around where I went to school. I even have dates on the platform. I let the woman use it in exchange for certain favors like her getting me these brownies from this coffee shop about 15 minutes away. They are amazing.

I do have this requirement. DO NOT MESSAGE ME IF YOU TAKE THIS SITE VERY SERIOUSLY. PLEASE! By that I mean if you are the kind to start making demands in your opening message. If you are like that, I am not the guy for you. Don't waste your time. There are plenty of guys who are more suitable for your type. If you send me an initial message that has a demand I am going to ignore it. That includes asking for a picture which is at the top of that list. Introduce yourself first. Demanding a picture in your first message tells me what your number one attribute you are looking for and I can tell you we will not get along.

If you put that you want a "real man" in your profile. Yeah that's just one of those phrases that rubs me the wrong way. Similar to "Just be yourself." Who else can you be? Show up to the date, "Oh hey I'm that guy from The League. You know, the one everyone picks on but he also has a funny podcast that makes fun of movies. That guy.

If you are a succubus please let me know beforehand so I know that my soul is going to be devoured during sex. I can be flexible with that.

People who use "uirself" or any other "text speak" also rub me the wrong way.

Okay I have one other requirement. If you are expecting me to be a ravishingly good looking guy and message me asking for a pic expecting me to be like the other guys who "reply very selectively" please don't message me. You will just get mad and throw a tantrum like the many women before you. That's why it's such an accomplishment for me to get that red circle, because for a guy who looks like me to get that red circle, it's just something that deserves an award. Guys like me aren't supposed to have a red circle. When I first joined my friends told me, "Guys who look like you don't get replies." No I'm not disfigured but I'm pretty far under the 20% according to Okcupid you find attractive. I've been defying online dating logic and you know how? Because while I may not be one of the attractive 20%, I have something many of them don't, substance. That's how I got that red circle. How many guys can claim that they got a red circle due purely to substance and not their looks? Actually don't message me if you have physical "requirements" that are in stone. You know why I don't? Lets say I meet someone and we hit it off and get along. It seems to be going great, but I am 2 inches shorter than her requirement. She is willing to throw it all away over 2 inches? It seems like much of the time, yes. That shows me someone who has too many options in men. That's different from someone who says they prefer something. Like they "prefer" a taller man. That's just saying a preference and there is nothing wrong with that. The problem is, these requirements tend to only be attainable by a small minority of the population. Before I'm even judged as a person I'm disqualified based on height? I don't know, it's your decision, but it shows someone who has just too many options in the attracted sex. An example, I prefer women who are around that 5'6" area but if I hit it off with a woman who is 5'2" am I going to disqualify her because of her height? Heck no. I guess we are who we are but if you have requirements written in stone, we aren't going to get along. That Okcupid stat that says women rate 80% of men as unattractive shows in male profiles. I have modified my search to men and saw that most men rarely get messages. There are only a small minority who "reply selectively" and even fewer who "reply very selectively." It would make sense and it supports the theory that 80% of women on here are only interested in 20% of the men so the remaining 80% of men have to fight over the remaining 20% of women. That's not to say they won't message those women who they don't have a chance with because they do and it's basically a waste of a message. Men are so interested in thinking with their privates they don't stop and think "Do I really think I could get with this woman?" Heck even I'm guilty of it. There are some beautiful women on here but if you are short and overweight for example, do you honestly think she is going to get with you? Yet you message her anyway. Now I'm going to get messages saying "Not everything is about looks blah blah blah." That's true but on here there is a looks test that one has to pass. Only if they pass the looks test do they start to factor in their profile(personality) and possibly reply unless they are me :p

You aren't some high expectation mofo who coming all into my profile expecting some princely guy who's going to save you from your boring, mundane life. I'm pretty boring myself but at least I'm not like "Yo bitch, lets go have sex" in their first message! Guys are getting dumber by the minute. Before long everyone is going to be calling each other Scro, using Gatorade on plants, and watching the Masturbation Network. Everyone just pisses me off.

If you have made it this far, well, go on, get out of here. Okay, one more thing. I maybe a sarcastic, charming, douche on the outside but on the inside I'm more of a hopeless romantic. Things haven't gone well on here for me but if you actually take the time to know me, I'm not such a bad guy. In my heart I'm just that hopeless romantic who most of you would like. Okay maybe not most but some. People mistake that and accuse me of being a nice guy when I'm just a guy who is nice. I do have a backbone and stand up for myself. I don't allow myself to get friend zoned and used as an emotional tampon. If you do look deeper inside me you will see a genuinely good person who has been hurt but is still that good person. If we went out you wouldn't have to worry about me hitting on you the whole time. I know that thing called decency and that other thing called respect. You would most likely be laughing most of the time because I admit I am a total goofball. That part is very true. I've always been told I help people who are having a bad day by getting them to smile and laugh. On my dates I was told similar before she rejected me but I believe she truly meant it.

I'm not one of those guys who thinks that the women who rejected me weren't "good" enough for me anyway. They were just looking for someone different. Someone that I wasn't. I've always been the guy that helps people, but doesn't have much luck getting into a relationship. The female version of me is the "male friend" figure.