Ilikeyoprofile
25 San Jose, CA
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Ilikeyoprofile
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My self-summary
*Currently in a relationship and not looking*

I fell in love with my own reflection, fell into the pond, and I've been drowning in my own bullshit ever since. It's the main hazard of self awareness, but at least I see myself in a greater societal context- so obviously I'm cynical too. I hope you're reading this in a monotone. I'm intellectual, funny, hard working, subversive, and genuine though, so I'm not half bad.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm a bar back at 55 South. I am also studying for my insurance license so I can sell Aflac on the side for Grad School $$$. I have a degree in European History from Berkeley, and I'd like to continue that and become a professor. Also, I'm writing a novel. Also, let's be real- drinking (it's not alone if I'm in a bar), reddit, and computer games.
I’m really good at
Every webcomic you've ever seen about being an introvert or socially anxious. Making smart people laugh. Writing. Dry wit. Bar Work. Not talking to people while daydreaming about having conversations with them.
The first things people usually notice about me
Rave Reviews:
"You're the classiest mother fucker I've ever met in my life." -a frat boy.

"You are really classy" -a sorority girl

"Your hair is like your crowning achievement." -a lover

"You're like the coolest guy I ever met." -Bryan.

"I don't like your new boyfriend, sweetie. He's kind of cold."- a mother

"That guy just looked at me. He is really creepy you guys."- a freshman

"It always makes me sad when people don't get you. I can see a lot of times people nod and laugh because they understand the jist of what you are saying but not the real whole thing, and it makes me think less of their intelligence." -a friend

"You are cute but you are weird, Eric." -a foreigner

"You are like complete package, I can't believe you single, you have everything."- another foreigner I barely talked to

"Do you get laid a lot? You look like you get laid a lot. We should take a walk." - a married woman who I presume was trying to fuck me in the bushes.

"I don't get this guy." -attractive blonde at a bar

"what, really?" "No, I am joking. I just have one voice tone for everything. We don't all wear black shirts because we're followers of Benito Mussolini. It's okay, my favorite part of a joke is the explanation following the punchline."- a dialogue

"You have a beautiful face. You should smile more"- boss
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books:ONLY Theodore Roosevelt biographies and Hemingway novels.

Music: ONLY Wagner and military marches.

Right now I'm really into Post Punk, Tom Robbins, Archer, and Southeast Asian fish dishes.
The six things I could never do without
1. People who blast music on public transit.
2. Spiders lowering themselves down to just above your head when you're half awake.
3. Men with tattoos on their faces who show up when no one else is around and say increasingly erratic things and come back after leaving. (FOR THE KILL THIS TIME?!? He's so freaky quiet and fast when he moves in the dark. Could I fight him? would I even see it coming?)
4. Those guys again, but in the alley, or on the porch, or just when you're walking up to your house.
5. A guy named Spider, with a spider tattoo across his entire face, suspending himself above your bed when you're half awake.
6. unbraced-for sports cheering.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Is this war, financial crisis, natural disaster, or epidemic going to escalate, or will it only affect civilians who are not me? What does this disposition mean about my soul? The clothes make the man and the children make the clothes, right?
On a typical Friday night I am
Obviously here's our chance to talk about how fun we are. I'm SO fun. These days- working, and until they hire a new convict or halfwit to wash dishes, washing dishes on an industrial scale, but luckily I barback more often then fill in for dishes.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I am blameless and have no secrets.
You should message me if
You think we might build a relationship or have sex, obviously.
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