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Ginger_Wolf

40 Oakland, CA Man

Man

I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 25–38
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 9:39pm
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 9″ (1.75m)
Body Type
Fit
Diet
Mostly vegetarian
Smokes
Sometimes
Drinks
Desperately
Drugs
Sometimes
Religion
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Sign
Capricorn
Education
Dropped out of space camp
Job
Science / Engineering
Income
$100,000–$150,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Has cats
Speaks
English (Fluently)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
A guy walks into a bar one day and he can’t believe his eyes. There, in the corner, there’s this one-foot-tall man, in a little tuxedo, playing a tiny grand piano.

So the guy asks the bartender, “Where’d he come from?”

And the bartender’s, like, “There’s a genie in the men’s room who grants wishes.”

So the guy runs into the men’s room and, sure enough, there’s this genie. And the genie’s, like, “Your wish is my command.” So the guy’s, like, “O.K., I wish for world peace.” And there’s this big cloud of smoke—and then the room fills up with geese.

So the guy walks out of the men’s room and he’s, like, “Hey, bartender, I think your genie might be hard of hearing.”

And the bartender’s, like, “No kidding. You think I wished for a twelve-inch pianist?”

So the guy processes this. And he’s, like, “Does that mean you wished for a twelve-inch penis?”

And the bartender’s, like, “Yeah. Why, what did you wish for?”

And the guy’s, like, “World peace.”

So the bartender is understandably ashamed.

And the guy orders a beer, like everything is normal, but it’s obvious that something has changed between him and the bartender.

And the bartender’s, like, “I feel like I should explain myself further.”

And the guy’s, like, “You don’t have to.”

But the bartender continues, in a hushed tone. And he’s, like, “I have what’s known as penile dysmorphic disorder. Basically, what that means is I fixate on my size. It’s not that I’m small down there. I’m actually within the normal range. Whenever I see it, though, I feel inadequate.”

And the guy feels sorry for him. So he’s, like, “Where do you think that comes from?”

And the bartender’s, like, “I don’t know. My dad and I had a tense relationship. He used to cheat on my mom, and I knew it was going on, but I didn’t tell her. I think it’s wrapped up in that somehow.”

And the guy’s, like, “Have you ever seen anyone about this?”

And the bartender’s, like, “Oh, yeah, I started seeing a therapist four years ago. But she says we’ve barely scratched the surface.”

So, at around this point, the twelve-inch pianist finishes up his sonata. And he walks over to the bar and climbs onto one of the stools. And he’s, like, “Listen, I couldn’t help but overhear the end of your conversation. I never told anyone this before, but my dad and I didn’t speak the last ten years of his life.”

And the bartender’s, like, “Tell me more about that.” And he pours the pianist a tiny glass of whiskey.

And the twelve-inch pianist is, like, “He was a total monster. Beat us all. Told me once I was an accident.”

And the bartender’s, like, “That’s horrible.”

And the twelve-inch pianist shrugs. And he’s, like, “You know what? I’m over it. He always said I wouldn’t amount to anything, because of my height? Well, now look at me. I’m a professional musician!”

And the pianist starts to laugh, but it’s a forced kind of laughter, and you can see the pain behind it. And then he’s, like, “When he was in the hospital, he had one of the nurses call me. I was going to go see him. Bought a plane ticket and everything. But before I could make it back to Tampa . . .”

And then he starts to cry. And he’s, like, “I just wish I’d had a chance to say goodbye to my old man.”

And all of a sudden there’s this big cloud of smoke—and a beat-up Plymouth Voyager appears!

And the pianist is, like, “I said ‘old man,’ not ‘old van’!”

And everybody laughs. And the pianist is, like, “Your genie’s hard of hearing.”

And the bartender says, “No kidding. You think I wished for a twelve-inch pianist?”

And as soon as the words leave his lips he regrets them. Because the pianist is, like, “Oh, my God. You didn’t really want me.”

And the bartender’s, like, “No, it’s not like that.” You know, trying to backpedal.

And the pianist smiles ruefully and says, “Once an accident, always an accident.” And he drinks all of his whiskey.

And the bartender’s, like, “Brian, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

And the pianist smashes his whiskey glass against the wall and says, “Well, I didn’t mean that.”

And the bartender’s, like, “Whoa, calm down.”

And the pianist is, like, “Fuck you!” And he’s really drunk, because he’s only one foot tall and so his tolerance for alcohol is extremely low. And he’s, like, “Fuck you, asshole! Fuck you!”

And he starts throwing punches, but he’s too small to do any real damage, and eventually he just collapses in the bartender’s arms.

And suddenly he has this revelation. And he’s, like, “My God, I’m just like him. I’m just like him.” And he starts weeping.

And the bartender’s, like, “No, you’re not. You’re better than he was.”

And the pianist is, like, “That’s not true. I’m worthless!”

And the bartender grabs the pianist by the shoulders and says, “Damn it, Brian, listen to me! My life was hell before you entered it. Now I look forward to every day. You’re so talented and kind and you light up this whole bar. Hell, you light up my whole life. If I had a second wish, you know what it would be? It would be for you to realize how beautiful you are.”

And the bartender kisses the pianist on the lips.

So the guy, who’s been watching all this, is surprised, because he didn’t know the bartender was gay. It doesn’t bother him; it just catches him off guard, you know? So he goes to the bathroom, to give them a little privacy. And there’s the genie.

So the guy’s, like, “Hey, genie, you need to get your ears fixed.”

And the genie’s, like, “Who says they’re broken?” And he opens the door, revealing the happy couple, who are kissing and gaining strength from each other.

And the guy’s, like, “Well done.”

And then the genie says, “That bartender’s tiny penis is going to seem huge from the perspective of his one-foot-tall boyfriend.”

And the graphic nature of the comment kind of kills the moment.

And the genie’s, like, “I’m sorry. I should’ve left that part unsaid. I always do that. I take things too far.”

And the guy’s, like, “Don’t worry about it. Let’s just grab a beer. It’s on me.”
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I often describe myself as a nihilistic optimist. Basically, I believe that absolutely nothing really objectively matters, and that everything that is (or ever will be) will inevitably end in the heat death of the universe. But in general, on a human timescale, I believe that things are getting better all the time.

That being said, I feel like it's a good idea to take a moment and consider that today (November 11th, 2014), at the climax of a ten-year mission which began when a team of scientists attempted to slingshot a space probe around multiple planets to build up it's velocity and then remotely shut it down for three years, then turned it back on again, and then landed it on a piece of rock that has been orbiting our solar system for millennia , careening through the void at 85,000 MpH, and then nailed it with one minor hiccup that was quickly resolved, ON THE FIRST TRY...

And raise a glass to the human race. Bloody, angry chimpanzees that we are, and ask yourself:

'If a handful of us can do that together, how tough are the challenges facing me, alone.'

We got this.

Slainté.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Dating. Feminism. Gender Theory. Arguing. Walking fast. Traveling light. Making you laugh. Paying the tab while you're in the bathroom. Making out. Knots.

Most importantly, not being any of these guys: http://terribleokcmessages.tumblr.com/
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Blue eyes. Red hair. That beard. Swagger.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
This is a conversation much better had over dinner.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Books
Cloves
Bourbon
Women
Safewords
Virgin Airlines
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
"There is no escape. You can't be a vagabond and an artist and still be a solid citizen, a wholesome, upstanding man. You want to get drunk, so you have to accept the hangover. You say yes to the sunlight and pure fantasies, so you have to say yes to the filth and the nausea. Everything is within you, gold and mud, happiness and pain, the laughter of childhood and the apprehension of death."

-Hermann Hesse

Fuck you Hermann, this is America. I can be whatever want. Even if what I want to be is an foulmouthed alcoholic astronaut.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Likely being wicked.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I secretly want to go out on a date with someone with whom I have a 0% friend, 100% enemy ranking, under the (utterly misguided) premise that it would lead to the hottest anonymous hate fucking possible.

Never going to do it, but it's fun to think about.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You want to have dinner in a nice joint and establish whether or not we find each other entertaining enough to do it again.

I actually have a lot of faith in the OKC match algorithms. I don't even get out of bed for less than an 80% match, and I'm unlikely to get into bed with less than a 90% match.

That being said, I love a good chat, and I'm here just as much to meet interesting strangers as I am in finding the love of my life.

Fair warning, If you don't have an emotional investment in the movie 'Secretary', it probably isn't going to work out.