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30 M Honolulu, HI

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
5′ 7″ (1.70m)
Body Type
Strictly anything
Capricorn, but it doesn’t matter
Working on two-year college
Politics / Government
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Has kids
English (Fluently)

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My self-summary
Venturing forth is going to be fraught with danger. It's dangerous to go alone, take this: Sword of Heroes can only be obtained with pre-order collector's addition. You get: Dagger of Buyer's Remorse.
What I’m doing with my life
I spend quite a bit of time avoiding direct sunlight, since I'm apparently 75% Irish and 25% Transylvanian. I do this by going to work during the day and then editing web page designs and playing plants versus zombies as the zombies. It's a lot less interactive that way, but you know what? Fuck plants. I said it.
I’m really good at
Have you recently said the worst thing you've ever said in your life? Like, embarrassingly crass? Maybe afraid that crossed the line and I can't believe I said that at work and my nosey super conservative next-cube-neighbor might have heard it? I got your back. My super power is the ability to say something much, much worse, but magically get people that have no right to enjoy it laughing with me. I'm laughing at them, but they're laughing with me. They're laughing at them too. Like I said: super power.
The first things people usually notice about me
Mohawk, beard, and tattoos make me everything I didn't know I was afraid to be until I learned what a hipster was. I embrace it though. Much like the warm, loving, accepting embrace of an anaconda wrapped around an ibex. An ibex that stopped listening to Neutral Milk Hotel because they got back together and now that ibex is "so done with that." Get over yourself, ibex. Seriously.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I can talk endlessly about movies. Except I call them films. Not necessarily because I'm pretentious about it (Note: Doctors have determined that I am, in fact, pretentious about it) but because it justifies all that time I spent in film school only to work for the government. I have a list of things I'm not bitter about. This is at the top of that list.

Also, so that you have something to go off of: Coen Brothers, Wes Anderson, H.P. Lovecraft, ‎Mark Z. Danielewski, Bukowski, pretty much everything FX has to offer after 9 pm, and stand up comedy.
The six things I could never do without
1: The thought that I'm currently having.
2: Am I having the thought that I'm currently having?
3: Aren't we all just a bunch of experiences, bound together by our upbringing, and sold to the flashiest name brand?
4: Vishnu, no, I think this might be some sort of existential crisis now. It shouldn't have come to this. It was just going to be a list.
5: ))Panic Intensifies((
6: Also: beer.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
If the torrent of strange things I write in an attempt to be funny is working or off-putting. Actually, this might be the first time I've ever actually thought about this, prompted by the title of this section.
On a typical Friday night I am
Knee deep in my shins.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I don't know. I'm not an intensely private person, so I'll likely do or say anything if I think it will be worth a laugh.

RE: The new picture: If you're thinking, wow, is he really that white or are the lights in a club really that harsh? The answer is: Yes.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 22–38
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
Because I'm totally what you should be looking for: I can make you laugh, I have a totally flawless, ready-at-any-moment zombie apocalypse plan, and a job that pays me enough to buy machetes specifically for their keen zombie chopping properties.