Aha! I've got your attention, the OKC battle is now 22.4% over.
Whoa whoa wait a second, don't click that back button already! You haven't even read about me yet. Oh.. you have to wash your hair.. Ok, well thanks a lot for stopping bbbbwaaaaaait a minute. I'm not falling for this. You just sit your tush in that seat and move your mouse away from the big X in the corner of your internet browser window.
Hi, my name is Jason--
...Your exboyfriend's name is Jason? Oh jeez..
Hi, my name is Guadalupe Del Toro Diaz Rodriguez the Third. It's nice to meet you!
Look, I'll get straight to the point here. This dating website stuff? Complete crap. Quick summary, most of the people here only care about your profile pictures. If you're super smexy stuff, things like your intelligence, sense of humor, and stability MAY come into the equation.
I know, I know, you're getting 200 messages per day based on one Halloween picture of you in a bubblebee tutu.
If you're ever bored, here's a fun test:
Step one, make a profile that has a pretty picture.
Step two, write the profile like a creepy mass-murdering stalker who's collecting man dingdongs for science.
Guess what? 200 messages per day. Isn't that horrible? A pretty face that will stab you in the face.. clear winner.
So, I know you're sick of this just as much as everyone else here. That's why I'm here to tell you about a limited time offer! For just the cost of gas, you can be among the first to hang out with one of the new and improved Jasons! Err... Guadalupe Del Toro Diaz Rodriguez the Thirds!
All you have to do is read the rest of this profile, and come up with a message that isn't "hi", "lol ur funny", or "I'm collecting man dingdongs for science." (Although there is a 50/50 chance that I'll respond to this one, so long as you don't have pictures of you in a Bumblebee tutu.)
Witty introduction, mission successful.
I'm one of those comedic creative types. For the last six years I worked as an improv comedian for a show in Las Vegas. If you're not familiar with what improv comedy is, we were essentially a team vs. team version of "Who's Line is it Anyway?" If you're not familiar with Who's Line - we got on stage, tourists paid money to sit in front of the stage, we made a lot of unscripted jokes, people laughed, then went home to tell their friends.
Now, I know the first question you're thinking is.. "Jason.. er.. Guadeloupe.. Why would you leave the magical majestic city of Las Vegas, Nevada - where all dreams become reality and people get rich every Tuesday and buy super mega mansions?"
That's a very good question, anonymous person reading this. The unfun answer is that I had a passing in my family. I ended up moving back to Illinois in order to be around them. Being in Nevada and doing my thing wasn't worth missing time with my grandparents. So, I hung up the reigns, packed my bags, and flew back home to try and start a new life. I created a digital marketing company, got a handful of clients, found a nice stability, and was absolutely certain that I had found my new home. Except, I was miserable there. I went from a collection of lifelong friends and hours of entertainment.. to a town of population 7 and a bowling alley.
That summer, I came out to visit a Colorado friend of mine. The second I got off the plane.. I just fell so in love with this state. There was something about the people, the air, the real mountains.. My uncle left his job to start taking of my grandparents, which gave me the final umph to move. So, six moths later, I packed everything I owned in my car, drove 18 hours across the US, and parked in Fort Collins. I got a job in small but amazing digital marketing firm, and we've been growing like a ten year old boy who eats his Wheaties.