***WARNING CONTINUE AT YOUR OWN RISK***
Lets see, where do I start? Maybe a Christmas list in this area? Oh
I get it; this is the part where I modestly but yet
narcissistically talk about myself. Well, I’ll give it my best
shot. I achieved a level of education past high school and mastered
my ABC’s; that deserves some credit. From my experience this is an
essential quality for a decent conversation, because the afternoon
chats with the mannequin in Victoria’s Secret are boring me. Now I
know this raises questions as to why the hec am I in Victoria’s
Secret;…no comment on that one. Oh and if we ever hang out I can
assure you there will be no "awkward silence". I'll be too busy
Life's exciting; especially when you realize tomorrow is a chance
to try again for the mistake you made today. This helps me cope
with embarrassing stunts, like snowboarding down a mountain in
nothing but my boxer shorts, all to take on a bet from my friends.
Thanks guys. You’re probably wondering at this point if I was
dropped on my head as a child. Let me reassure you; I wasn’t,
something fell on it. Oh here comes my favorite part. It hasn’t
been too noticeable, and I know I need to work a little on it, but
a sense of humor might be a good thing around me. I'm just saying,
call me crazy, but that’s me…crazy; and what I did in 96 didn’t
officially classify me as crazy; I was dismissed of those charges.
I also learned to be a patient person from watching paint dry. Yup,
I think I’ve mastered that pretty well.
So…I guess this brings me to the end, or not. I might as well stop
while I’m still ahead…you’d be just as crazy if you thought I was
ahead. Not sure if I accomplished the intended goal here or if I
told you what the average girl wants to know. Reading this you
either gained little information about me or learned waaayyy too
much then you hoped for. Hey, it’s an achievement you made it this
far…congratulations! Until then, I’ll be occupied preparing for the
zombie apocalypse. Like Mr. Rogers used to say, have a beautiful
day in the neighborhood. Any questions?
What I’m doing with my life
Well at the moment I’m aspiring to achieve my long life dream of a
world famous Lion tamer. I’m having trouble finding lions in this
area; this might take a while. In the meantime I’m counting the
days until I become a civilian again, teaching myself Japanese, and
figuring out time travel. After that I’ll have all the freedom in
the world to fill a backpack up with just enough personal
belongings to see more of it.
I’m really good at
Staying within the lines when I color. Hey it’s harder than you
think. Health and fitness is very important in my life; it helps
when I have to make a quick dash from the police. Oh I like to
dance a lot; sometimes with a rose in my mouth and a puffy pirate
shirt that exposes my chest hairs. If I can’t find a rose, or a
cool shirt I just settle for some salsa dancing.
The first things people usually notice about me
How I’m allowed out in public without a straight jacket. I had to
do it last week; it was at the cleaners getting pressed. I can be a
little shy at first but warm up quickly if you put me over a
flaming hot stove. I guess I’ve been told a few times I don’t look
my age. My experiment on reverse aging is working. YES!!!
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
“Where The Wild Things Are”, Duh! Wait..What?!?! You mean its not
normal to walk around the house in a onsie with horns and a tail?
Alrighty then…woops on admitting that one. To make up for that
major testosterone fail my favorite movies are Rambo, Conan, and
Gladiator; NAILED IT! I just grew a beard from admitting that. Love
scary movies, 80’s music rocks, and I survive off of packets of
ketchup and hot sauce from taco bell.
The six things I could never do without
A pair of clean underwear, a snorkel and my mountain bike. HAHA! I
bet I just made you visualize one disturbing image in your head. My
brain, and maybe a jar to put it in. I should be fine thanks. The
rest is pretty simple; wings and beer.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
The meaning of life, how birds fly, concocting evil plans for world
domination that never pan out. Really?! Um…I think a lot about what
to put in the next section to keep you distracted, yet entertained
as I lure you further into the deep abyss of this profile. I do
think a lot about life after the military. Maybe move back to
Florida, become a professional beach volleyball player and work on
my tan all day.
On a typical Friday night I am
Glad I don’t have to work the next day. If I’m feeling lazy I’ll
grab a good movie, veg out on the couch, with a nice adult
beverage. If I’m feeling active just about anything; dancing,
trying a new restaurant, long walks on the beach, champagne with a
rose. Wait this is where I’m supposed to put something that would
impress a girl, right?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm Batman, (Shhhh). As if I haven’t self-deprecated or embarrassed
myself enough. Believe it or not there is a responsible serious
side to me; when needed. I’ve always been completely compelled by
my emotions to engage in risky behaviour. Sometimes this gets me
into trouble, often this gets me into fun. ; )
You should message me if
You need help with your taxes, know a good shrink, want an exciting
challenge in your life, you want to be a conspirator to my next big
crime. Or if you just want to chat and get to know some random
strange guy online you know nothing about. Well I think that pretty
much covers it. Masterpiece complete! TTYL. ; )