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33 M Chicago, IL

I’m looking for

  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 24–35
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Today – 7:17pm
6′ 1″ (1.85m)
Body Type
A little extra
Mostly anything
Taurus, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from high school
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Strictly monogamous
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Well, here I am. Trying to live life. I do stuff. Beating up little kids for lunch money is fun on so many levels. I love going out as well as staying in. I am a dork. It's what I do. I am a big guy. I go to the zoo at least once a month. I used to be a vegetarian but gave it up because I missed hotdogs. I like people watching. I walk around aimlessly sometimes. Thrift store shopping is like treasure hunting to me. I dance like I am being chased by angry villagers. It's not pretty..

Might as well have some bad stuff about me on here as well. Everyone says that they are amazing on here. I really don't think everyone on here really is as good as they say they are. Here's a list of my short comings
I do not have a college degree.
I am about 235lbs
I don't make much money at my job.
I'm not super social.
Despite the fact I am grown man I still play video games and watch cartoons.
I smoke cigarettes( 8/9/14 5 days without a cigarette).
I do not own a car.
( come on... Keep reading. It's going to be entertaining.)

Random facts:
I was born in Florida.
I lived in Texas for a good chunk of my childhood.
I am adopted.
My brother is the only blood relative I have.
I have no clue what my nationality is.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
What I really want in life is to be happy. It is my main goal. Breathing, Kicking ass and chewing bubble gum. Not sleeping while praying to the great coffee god. Right now I am working as an AMF mechanic. That means I work at a bowling alley. It's not my dream job but it pays the bills.

I tend to walk around the city. It's fun to see everything around town and find nifty places that I never knew existed. I call it urban exploring.

I tend to go out of town every 3 months or so. I have seen just about every state in the US. I also like being a tourist in my own town.

I like going to the zoo and making up stories about the animals there. Like Thomas the gorilla, who is a master mind villain. If he wasn't locked away in the zoo he would of already taken over the world with the giant death ray that he built when he was in the jungles of Africa.
Or Nancy the hippo who is very self concious about her weight and wishes she could still fit into her size 10 dress. She also like miniature golf and merlot.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Thumb war. I used to be the Midwest champion till the great thumb war scandal of 2004( you might have read about it in the papers or seen it on the news). After that the league disbanded. But you can still catch me in back alleys in Chinatown playing for high stakes trying to re-live the glory days.
Playing video games. Avoiding death( I have made it this far already) saying words like nifty . I was told once by a black guy that I'm really good at bass guitar. Black people know these things, or atleast that's what he told me. ( I have been called a racist over this on my profile. It was a true story. I am sorry if you find it racist, but It does not stop the fact that it really did happen. I put it up here because it is a fun story that I like to tell sometimes. I hold no animosity toward any race, religion or sexual orientation. If this still offends you then maybe you just a little to uptight to be hanging out with me anyways.).
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Why yes, I am tall, dark and handsome. Thank you for noticing. Probably the bald head. I have been told I am intimidating looking but I am a nice guy. I have been told I am handsome. I'm big. Dorky.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I read more then most. I love a good story. I usually like something with a happy ending. That being said I mainly stick with fiction. My favorite book is the Stand. I'm not really a Stephen King fan but it's a great story of good vs evil. I love the Desden Files. I can't wait for the next book in the series. Pretty much anything from Christopher Moore. That guy make me laugh so much from his books. The Hichickers guide is one of the first books that I have read and will always be one of my favorite trillolges. Harry Potter is good.(I never understood why most girls on here list only very fictionish tv show and movies but are very adimint on the fact they only read non-fiction. Is it cool to read only non-fiction? )

I watch a lot of movies. Starwars, Wrist cutters a love story, Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind, Harry Potter, almost anything from Wes Anderson, Ghostbusters one and two, Lord of the Rings, Evil dead and Amry of Darkness, anything with Bill Murray, The Postman.

I don't watch much tv. Doctor Who, Mash, invader Zim, Adventure Time.

Music is everything. I am not about to list all the music I like. I like Punk, Rock and stuff.

And I can eat anything. Pizza, Steak, coffee.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
A towel. It's the most usefully thing in the universe. My hands, so I can pick up things. Fire or microwave for cooking. My boots and socks. My new bed. Toilet Paper... More than six. I'm a rebel.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
The fact I was promised a jet pack and a hover board and life has yet to deliver.

Life, the universe and everything=42

Why cats do the things they do and if I wasn't around would they be doing somthing else. Why people do the things they do and if I wasn't around would they be doing somthing else. Cats and people are a lot alike. They both do what they want. When they want attention they get it. When they want to be left alone they will let you know about it. or not. I like cats better then people.... Even tho I don't own one... I also dont own any people.

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Is it plugged in?

When I am about to die and my life flashes before my eyes I hope it's narrated by Morgan Freedman.

How I want to believe in ghosts. I want to but it's hard to believe in something when you have never seen heard or have any type of expreince with them... If you can show me a ghost in any way shape or form , then we must do this, because I want to believe.

How there is an outside chance that I might be batshit crazy or mildly retarded and everyone is just being really nice to me. I would make sence. How else would I end up single at the age of 33.

I think Elton John has a crush on Tony Danza. It's really not all about a tiny dancer.

They should have a pet peeve section on here. They don't so I will make one.
People that don't walk on escalators.
Ego driven people.
People who lie, cheat or steal. You can justify it any way you want in your head but it's still wrong( stealing food because you are hungry and can't get it any other way is the only reason to steal). Two wrongs don't make a right.
People who say they have ambition because they are going to school, yet they really have no clue what they are going for. Those kind of people end up with a degree in something that can't really get them are job in the really world. If you are going to go to school go to school for a good reason.
People who try to get ahead in life by down playing others.
Ok I'm getting off of my soap box.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Hoping on trains and going wherever they take me. Playing dodge ball. Drinking cheap scotch.... Or expensive scotch. walking around aimlessly. Drinking large amounts of coffee. Reading something that's dorkie but entertaining. Hanging out with friends . Taking over the world. Just normal fun stuff.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I used to only wear socks once them throw them away when I took them off. Everyday I would put on a brand new pair and every night I would toss them. I know it's weird but there is something about the feeling of new socks that make me happy. I guess it's all about the little.

I kind of wish my life was more like Scott Pilgrim's life.

I have a facebook page called The Church of Bill Murray.... Regardless if you like me or not you should go and like it, because Bill Murray is the Man.

There is a pit bull that lives at my place. It's not my place really, it's his place. He just tolerates me living there.

I don't own a car. When I moved to the city I got rid of it. I still don't regret doing it. It has been very liberating.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
I have always wanted to meet a girl from Russia and get her to say to me" Boris , moose and squirrel are getting away" if you can make this happen I would be grateful. But it's not a requirement for my ideal match. It would just be nifty.

I'm a dork. I embrace it. That being said if you have a hipster image to maintain or you think you are really cool then you will not like me. I am not those things. I had an image that I tried to maintain when I was in high school but now that seems a bit pointless.

You have eye brows. Really ones. Drawing them on does not count.

If you are not planing to cook, skin, stalk, kill, dismember, eat, infect or harm me in any way shape or form.
So no creeps yo.

You want to buy me tacos, and/or scotch.

You are a Jedi.

Thank you for viewing my profile. I hope at least you got a good laugh from it.

Writen by-

Edited by-


No animals were harmed in the making of this profile.
Invader Jerry is a trademarke of the Invader Jerry co.
All character are fictional and are by no means based on anyone living or dead.... Except for Jerry