27 San Francisco, CA
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My self-summary
My name's Steve. I do physics and stuff. Plus I fucking love general relativity -No seriously, the curvature of space-time is the ever-loving shit. Machine learning is what I'm actually payed to do however.

I spent 5 weeks one summer studying in Troyes, which is an hour and a half southeast of Paris, and which I was told is pronounced exactly like "trois" except with more phlegm and agitation. The most important thing I learned from this experience is that "Je voudrais un croissant" is the most important phrase in the entire French language.

Intelligence is my biggest turn-on.

I have a dark and morbid sense of humor and a dirty mind. I am also very much an introvert. I will probably like you better if you're an introvert or can at least understand what drives introverts. I'm slightly misanthropic, but I have been told that I'm vastly more caring / sincere / self-effacing than I usually come off on first impression. I think these things are often skewed by stupid defense mechanisms or something :P

I can't decide which is more nauseating: sensitive guitar guys, or the air-headed girls who actually like that crap. I bring that up because one of them is outside my window at this very moment. I'm blasting Rage Against the Machine in retaliation.

My preferred level of spice is masochistic torrent of capsaicin hot.

Microbreweries make me very happy. So does the fact that crazy independent developers are still making games for the NES and the Sega Genesis. I tend to get overly enthusiastic about nerdy things and if you do too then that's a good reason to message me. I'm pretty sure we'll get on great!

Congratulations on making it this far! Unfortunately I don't have a cookie, so instead you can have this topology joke
What I’m doing with my life
That I don't know. I just don't know. I really just don't know. I'm afraid I really just don't know. I'm afraid even I really just don't know. I have to tell you I'm afraid even I really just don't know. . .er, sorry

At the moment I'm trying to get into homebrewing, contemplating whether or not I should learn how to knit so I can make that ridiculously long scarf that Tom Baker wears in Doctor Who, programming video games, plotting world domination, and looking for a kitty to help me with that very important task.
I’m really good at
Physics, going to microbreweries, building Rube-Goldberg machines, amassing a bad-ass video game collection, soldering the shit out of old electronics, attempting to snowboard, and making highly inappropriate jokes.
The first things people usually notice about me
Why are you reading a math textbook in a bar?
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Cat's Cradle, Brave New World, 1984, Harry Potter, Slaughterhouse Five, The Stranger, Lolita, Catch-22, Choke, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Watchmen, Batman: The Long Halloween, and JTHM

Up, Eternal Sunshine, The Graduate, A Clockwork Orange, Dr. Strangelove, Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb, Moonrise Kingdom, Pulp Fiction, Goodfellas, 8 1/2, Amelie, Shaun of the Dead, Young Frankenstein, Annie Hall, No Country for Old Men, Alien, Evil Dead 2, An American Werewolf in London, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Portal 1&2, Bioshock, Half Life 2, Resident Evil 2&4, Fatal Frame II, Silent Hill 2, Super Metroid, Final Fantasy VI, Earthbound, Chrono Trigger, Super Mario Galaxy, Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, Donkey Kong Country 2, World of Goo, And Yet it Moves, Cave Story, and Sonic 3 & Knuckles

Arrested Development, Monty Python's Flying Circus, Red Dwarf, Rick and Morty, Archer, Breaking Bad, Six Feet Under, South Park, The Muppet Show [Yes, the god damn Muppet Show], Invader Zim, Dexter [when it was still good], The IT Crowd, Spaced, Peep Show, Futurama, Darkplace, Blackadder, FLCL, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and The Whitest Kids You Know

The Beatles, Talking Heads, The Clash, TV on the Radio, David Bowie, Stevie Wonder, Bob Marley, Bob Dylan, The Pixies, Tom Waits, Nick Cave [who really is pretty damn creepy, but hey, he does make good music], Jimi Hendrix, Kate Bush, Brian Eno, Public Enemy, The Who, The Flaming Lips [who are quite incessantly awesome in concert], Iron and Wine, Yeah Yeah Yeahs and [Music Videos by] OK Go
The six things I could never do without
Video games
Really well made [Bourbon barrel-aged] Imperial Stouts [because they quite legitimately put me in a state of quivering orgasmic bliss]
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Hedgehogs. Black holes. Quark-gluon plasma. Sex. Europa. Kitties. Rock Climbing. Skydiving. I need to go to the penis festival in Japan. Seriously, they have one of those.
On a typical Friday night I am
At a coffee shop or brewpub studying advanced mathematics. For fun. Yes, I actually do that.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Two things:
I) I think rope bondage is really cool.
II) I used to have three cats who I loved like children. Then a perfect storm of shit happened and amidst said shit my girlfriend at the time revealed herself to be a rather disgusting excuse for a human being. The cats were all in her name. And I will never get to see them again. I don't think anyone I know properly understands just how sad that makes me.
You should message me if
Your brain is sexy. This is important.

You like introverts, science, and introverts who science :)

You want me to teach you about knot theory and other beautiful maths.

You actually take time to get to know someone rather than making snap judgments.

You want to go to a midnight screening of Rocky Horror. Or The Room.

You want to try my triple chocolate stout bacon pancakes.

The opening sequence of Dexter makes you hungry.

You want to share an imperial coffee stout while discussing black holes.

You aren't offended easily.

You seriously aren't fucking offended easily.

Vi Hart's videos fill you with wonder and make you obscenely happy. *If you have not seen any of Vi Hart's videos go to youtube immediately and rectify this*

You may be saying to yourself, "this luscious sex-god is deeply profound in his capacity for awesomeness but does he like mathematicians?" I say to you; Is every simply connected, closed 3-manifold homeomorphic to the 3-sphere?

You like to spoonerize your alliterations

You're passionate about learning.

If you actually went to youtube to rectify the lack of Vi Hart videos in your life. Seriously, if you make me a hexaflexagon you will win my heart.

Also, if you want to cook things together and / or provide me with a kitty to complete my evil scientist look.

Ok, so do you think I should write a bit to filter out the remaining crazies and jerks I don't wan't to meet how 'bout? Yeah? Cool! I'll do that now:

For the love of Jesus H Christ on a stick, do NOT waste my time messaging me if you're going to be super-flaky. Seriously, it's tiresome to always be the one putting in all the effort and never getting any effort in return.

Don't be suicidal. It's poor form.

If you are a cheater, I do not respect you. Leave now.

Do you love to shout out to the world about how wonderful feminism is and why we all so desperately need it? Then do please be aware of the following: I passionately support the complete equality of all people, and I firmly believe that modern day feminism has, on the whole, done far more to promote sexism, hate speech, female chauvinism, erosion of female agency, and intolerant double standards than it has done to promote true equality. All people regardless of gender can and DO face damaging sexist attitudes and gender stereotypes, and pretending that issues only matter if you belong to the right group is complete and utter bullshit. So for fuck's sake please *consider* the possibility that some people prefer to reserve the word equality for that which addresses the needs of all people rather than buy into an obstinate unilateral political ideology. If that is somehow contemptible to you then perhaps you are neither a tolerant nor rational person. And if you've ever uttered the words "smashing the patriarchy" in a non-ironic context you're probably too indoctrinated for help :P

Finally, if anything in this profile actually offended you; what the fuck? Don't be offended so easily. Life is too important to take seriously. So relax and stop getting worked up over stupid shit.

Anywho! Now that you've read this lovely profile have a nice day filled with sunshine, rainbows, and world domination!