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39 • Ithaca, NY • Man
I’m looking for
- Ages 21–70
- Near me
- Who are single
- For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex
- Last online
- Feb 7
- 5′ 5″ (1.65m)
- Body type
- Mostly anything
- Atheism, and very serious about it
- Scorpio, but it doesn’t matter
- Working on Ph.D program
- Rather not say
- Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
- Has dogs and has cats
- English (Fluently)
My gender identity is FTM or transman/guy and I transitioned over 12 yrs ago. I use masculine pronouns - he/him/his. My life before transition was very tumultuous and at times, tragic. My sense of humor is tool #1 in my survival kit (although it doesn't tend to show on profiles), I don't know what I'd do without laughter. I like spending time with people who I can laugh with until my cheeks hurt. Unfortunately, I don't meet people like that very often.
My interests are relatively fluid but don't change so quickly that I don't finish things. I love nature, camping, swimming in Ithaca's gorges, fishing, buidling things, gardening, bird watching, musical theatre, riding my motorcycle around the beautiful Finger Lakes countryside. I love being able to share my interests with my partner but don't think we have to like all of the same things.
My personal experience has led me to conclude that I can develop interest and feelings for a person regardless of categorical qualities (e.g., male, female, other-gender, age, educated, not-as-educated, race, economic status, etc.). Certainly there are some things that can't be overlooked but as long as our lifestyles are somewhat compatible I can be with a wide variety of people. In that sense, I don't have a "type" and instead see a person as just that, a person (as opposed to just a body). I care less about the boxes a person can check off than I do about how awesome of a person they are. I find ambition, intellect, and creativity incredibly attractive and quite often sexy. I frequently find performing artists to be irresistable.
I identify as queer because none of the black-and-white labels fully describe me and I'm quite comfortable living in the "gray" (it's WAY more fun here!). I don't get along well with people who want to live life according to society's prescriptions and I hate the word "normal". I've never been "normal" and honestly, don't care to be (normalcy is too subjective to apply to everyone anyway and in my mind "normal" = BORING). I think life is more interesting in the margins.
I was a lesbian for 10 years. Consequently, I tend to be drawn to lesbian/queer/bi/pan/... women. I have a pretty good grasp on what women like, want, and find pleasureable. How many men do you know who truly understand menstruation? :)
I'm sex-positive and very sexual. I don't think sex or sexual desire is anything to be ashamed of and I try to perpetuate the idea that we can talk about our sexualities without being crude or offensive. To quote George Michael: "Sex is natural, sex is fun, sex is best when it's one on one". He got the first two things right, I'm not so sure about the last one. ;)
I have great relationships with most of my exes. My family has never been supportive of my "lifestyle" so my chosen family is very important to me. My belief about love being limitless means that if a romantic relationship doesn't work with someone that doesn't mean we can't be great friends. Besides, we've seen each other in some of our worst moments and still love each other. That's the best kind of friend I can imagine.
I'm polyamorous in theory and non-monagamous in practice but tend to end up in "functionally monogamous" relationships due mostly to time constraints. I'm passionately committed to the people I love romantically and so far that has only involved one person at a time (with casual partners on the side). However, I'm interested in trying a variety of relationships. I very recently started seeing someone and am having a great time exploring and experimenting. Given that I'm non-monogamous and pansexual (and a part of that means I appreciate and need variety) my relationships always involve some form of non-monogamy. I'm always interested in meeting new like-minded people, if I have the time, for friendship, dating, NSA fun, etc. As far as I can tell right now (but this could change), I'm interested in having a primary relationship with someone and either seeing other people casually independently or having some other arrangement (e.g., triad). Ultimately I AM looking for love but what that might actually look like and how many people are involved is anybody's guess! I'm willing to take emotional risks and fall in love quite easily with the right people. I don't reserve my feeling out of fear for getting hurt. There has only been one person who I fell in love with who didn't feel the same way. We ended up being best friends instead and are still very close. Learning to let go of my romantic feelings for her in order to remain good friends was an amazing lesson that I cherish so many years later.
I'm an intensely loyal friend and will fight for the people I love. I don't stop loving even though we may only talk once a year. I'm very generous with my time and emotions and give both freely to the people I love.
I can be very romantic and women tend to bring that out the most. I've been known to pick a bouquet of wildflowers and leave it on a porch, sprint to another building on campus to steal a quick kiss, and write poetry/prose. I'm very expressive. You will never have to guess how I'm feeling because I'll tell you. Some people may find this intimidating or scary but communicating my feelings helps me to understand and process them. I appreciate the same in return but realize that everyone has different styles of communication and that's OK. Non-verbal communication works too. What I don't like is no communication. That's not good for anyone.
I rarely cry (thanks to testosterone) but when I do it's usually because: a) I'm really REALLY happy; b) I'm watching an inspiring movie or video; c) one of my cats is dying (or a friend's); d) someone I love is suffering; or d) I just saved someone's life by administering CPR (true story!).
I think men should cry regularly. It's cathartic, even if it's triggered by a fictional movie. I don't like the stereotypes that define masculinity as stoic and insensitive. I try to challenge social norms for gendered behavior by being a different kind of "man", one of my own creation and customized by the fact that I was socialized as female and have lived more years as "female" than as male (so far).
I can attest to the fact that people are treated very differently based on their perceived sex and sexual orientation because I have been perceived as all of the following at one point in my life (in chronological order): heterosexual female, lesbian, heterosexual male, homosexual male. I find this to be incredibly interesting. If I were a queer theorist I could write a great book! I may go ahead and write the book anyway.
Heterosexual men usually notice that there's something different about me and sometimes that makes them uncomfortable. They're detecting my resistance to the rules of gender norms and stereotypes, something that I take pride in. A lot of the time I'm read as gay and that's fine by me. I'd actually be upset if I was read as straight!
2. the sun/vitamin D
3. Burt's bees lip balm
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