Ivanski
58 Berkeley, CA
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Ivanski
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My self-summary
Could be I'm happiest in natural places, but I love the nature of cities too. Grew up in Oak-Berk; one day I walked to a piano lesson near Cal through tear gas and rioting. My big brother was the activist back then; me, the observer.

Amorous but also independent. Don't like to pigeonhole or be pigeonholed; prefer to cultivate beginner's mind (another happy place).

Analytical but suggestible; playful, ethical, nerdy, patient. Love beauty but value it most in the heart and soul. A bit cagey, but also gullible--go figure, I'm left-handed. I go with my gut more than my head, even though the latter never seems to take a break.

I'm in an "open relationship" (my wife of 33 years). We parted ways sexually 25 years ago, when I came out. I have no need to bring a guy into the sphere of that relationship in a social way. My wish (and why I'm here on OKCupid) is to have a good, caring, and fun connection with a swell guy.
What I’m doing with my life
Trying to do less, and learn again to be. I think I appreciate life more this way, and see things better--and show up better for people.

Worked for an age at an SF publisher, came out in my thirties, raised my daughter, co-reinvented my marriage, loved and lusted some fine men, continue to make music (bass and piano) and hike the mountains.

Now working as a freelance editor of book manuscripts. Have taught English to non-native speakers and coached 8th-graders in writing.

Love to read, think, and shoot the shit about books, events, music, movies, times & places, you name it. I'm not intellectual, just curious. I love to find the connections between things.

I get a lot of physical exercise, but being outside is all I really need--it exercises the body and the soul.
I’m really good at
I'm a pretty good teacher. I think I appreciate the deep qualities of people and things. I love music and words and language, and have always worked and played with these. I try to listen deeply to people; this is work in progress.

I'm good at owning my own stuff, unpacking my own baggage---and admitting when I don't do that.

This all sounds sort of lofty when put into words. One of my fears is self-delusion (the hall of mirrors); another is taking myself too seriously. So I'm grateful to be a born goofball too. Can we goof off?
The first things people usually notice about me
Probably that I'm friendly.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Broad interests: if something is strong, original, brave, beautiful, incisive, inspiring, witty, etc., then I'm on board. If it's nihilistic or gratuitously violent or cruel, count me out, generally.

I like to be challenged and to have my assumptions up-ended. (Hmm, Freud might be right.) I also love to laugh and lose it, and I need more of that, dammit!

Food: Just bring it on. A modest meal in the wilds of the mountains tastes better than a night at Chez Panisse. Sort of.

Let's expand each other's viewsheds. It's half the fun of having a good friend. It's a big reason I'm here on this site.
The six things I could never do without
Not in any order: being outdoors--under the deep blue sky; warm connections with friends; kindness (in a word); conversation (good, real, inane); touch; and what's just beyond reach.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Balancing stuff: I think a lot about the people in my life. And about continually coming awake. And not losing the humor along the way. And I think about this damn compressed nerve in my arm way too much!
On a typical Friday night I am
I like to play with what's served up in the moment, and to create or co-create from there; and to be okay with just chilling. The magic is in the pauses, the spaces.

Anyway, it's the company you keep that matters. And that can also mean sweet solitude.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Ah, the trick question.
You should message me if
...well, if you're interested enough to introduce yourself.
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