Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy

Ivanski

57 Berkeley, CA Man

Man

I’m looking for

  • Men
  • Ages 45–65
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Dec 15
Orientation
Gay
Ethnicity
White
Height
6′ 1″ (1.85m)
Body Type
Fit
Diet
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Never
Religion
Sign
Leo, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Graduated from masters program
Job
Other
Income
Relationship Status
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Offspring
Has a kid
Pets
Speaks
English

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Could be I'm happiest in natural places, but I love the nature of cities too. Grew up in Oak-Berk; one day I walked to a piano lesson near Cal through tear gas and rioting. My big brother was the activist back then; me, the observer.

Amorous but also independent. Don't like to pigeonhole or be pigeonholed; prefer to cultivate beginner's mind (another happy place).

Analytical but suggestible; playful, ethical, nerdy, patient. Love beauty but value it most in the heart and soul. A bit cagey, but also gullible--go figure, I'm left-handed. I go with my gut more than my head, even though the latter never seems to take a break.

I'm in an "open relationship" (my wife of 33 years). We parted ways sexually 25 years ago, when I came out. I have no special wish to bring a guy into the sphere of that relationship in a social way, although it has happened when there's interest all around. My biggest wish (and why I'm here on OKCupid) is to have a good, independent connection with a swell guy or guys, whether that's friendship or with the so-called benefits.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Trying to do less, and learn again to be. I think I appreciate life more this way, and see things better--and show up better for people.

Worked for an age at an SF publisher, came out in my thirties, raised my daughter, co-reinvented my marriage, loved and lusted some fine men, continue to make music (bass and piano) and hike the mountains.

Now working as a freelance editor of book manuscripts. Have taught English to non-native speakers and coached 8th-graders in writing.

Love to read, think, and shoot the shit about books, events, music, movies, times & places, you name it. I'm not intellectual, just curious. I love to find the connections between things.

I get a lot of physical exercise, but being outside is all I really need--it exercises the body and the soul.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I'm a pretty good teacher. I think I appreciate the deep qualities of people and things. I love music and words and language, and have always worked and played with these. I try to listen deeply to people; this is work in progress.

I'm good at owning my own stuff, unpacking my own baggage---and admitting when I don't do that.

This all sounds sort of lofty when put into words. One of my fears is self-delusion (the hall of mirrors); another is taking myself too seriously. So I'm grateful to be a born goofball too. Can we goof off?
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Probably that I'm friendly.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Broad interests: if something is strong, original, brave, beautiful, incisive, inspiring, witty, etc., then I'm on board. If it's nihilistic or gratuitously violent or cruel, count me out, generally.

I like to be challenged and to have my assumptions up-ended. (Hmm, Freud might be right.) I also love to laugh and lose it, and I need more of that, dammit!

Food: Just bring it on. A modest meal in the wilds of the mountains tastes better than a night at Chez Panisse. Sort of.

Let's expand each other's viewsheds. It's half the fun of having a good friend. It's a big reason I'm here on this site.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Not in any order: being outdoors--under the deep blue sky; warm connections with friends; kindness (in a word); conversation (good, real, inane); touch; and what's just beyond reach.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Balancing stuff: I think a lot about the people in my life. And about continually coming awake. And not losing the humor along the way. And I think about this damn compressed nerve in my arm way too much!
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
I like to play with what's served up in the moment, and to create or co-create from there; and to be okay with just chilling. The magic is in the pauses, the spaces.

Anyway, it's the company you keep that matters. And that can also mean sweet solitude.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Ah, the trick question. Ask me if we get to first base.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
...well, if you're interested enough to introduce yourself. That's a good start. I'm not interested in hook-ups, but I'm also not looking for a picket-fence life. In between, there is a huge field of love and play, and it can last a lifetime. You're somewhere in this mix, too, I hope.