I'm a hopeless romantic, a wannabe womanizer, a college dropout, and a brooding writer.

This is just text. It's not me. Words that glimpse a personality. When in reality there's nothing here but arbitrary characters you're using to define mine. Stop reading, it doesn't matter what I say I am. Talk to me and you'll know. I've got nothing to hide. Skeletons are better used in science classrooms than closeted.

I am actively plotting to rule the world. Maybe I have delusions of grandeur, maybe I'm deranged, or maybe I'm some megalomaniac or Bond villain type. Probably a mixture of all three. I want to amass enough money and power to take a stab at fixing this train wreck we call society. I'm a philosopher king wannabe blended with a venture capitalist.

'Merikkka

Here. Let me get my ego nice and hard and start stroking it for you. Ejaculate rhetoric about how awesome I am. Cum on over and take it in. Slurp down how much I love myself through the contents of this passage.

WAIT!!!

You don't want that. I don't want that. Let's not do that and instead let's have a chat about Dyson Vacuums or something slightly more meaningful than my resume.

Do you like things?

OMG ME TOO!

We have so much in common.

Let's go out some time on a lame date and talk about our feelings. Then let's get married so we can have affairs like those movie stars and then take half of each other's shit.

But seriously now. We should totally do that.

(Formerly a cliched smart-ass response of needs that would be impossible to live without. Hurrr durrrr me so smarts.)

Two black shirts,

Two pairs of black pants,

An army surplus mattress,

Shoes,

Socks,

Two pair of plain underwear,

A heavy black coat,

A white towel,

White plastic mixing bowl,

And five hundred dollars cash for personal burial money

Durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......

What's thinking?

All I have is temporary roar of my incessant babble of self talk, followed by ridiculously long periods of presence and focus. Odds are if I am talking to you, I'm not really thinking.

Under your bed.

with a shotgun

prepared to kill zombies

Fuck. That's lame.

I'm boring, don't talk to me.

I'd tell you my life story if you asked. I don't have secrets.

I should. I just don't hide from the past.

Fuck. I didn't scare you away.

That means you love me.

Trust me. I read about it on the internet.